Competing rumors regarding Appleâ€™s AR glasses have come out in recent weeks, creating a game of one-upmanship in the rumorsphere.
In mid-May, Ming-Chi Kuo reported that Apple Glasses were coming in 2022 at the earliest. A week later, Jon Prosser said nah, sorry, brah, Apple Glasses are coming in 2021 and will look like Steve Jobsâ€™ iconic glasses because putting AR into wire rims is easy.
After extensive interviews with no less than 209 and a half sources that are in, around, and in one case under Apple, some in the supply chain, some hiding in the bushes outside Tim Cookâ€™s house, Crazy Apple Rumors Site has learned that Apple Glasses are not shipping in 2021, nor are they shipping in 2022.
Because Apple Glasses are already here.
And youâ€™re wearing them right now.
According to our research, Appleâ€™s AR glasses shipped in the summer of 2019, just after WWDC. The reason no one remembers that they bought them and are wearing them right now is Appleâ€™s next-generation reality augmentation.
â€œOur goal is to make the buying process as painless as possible,â€ said Apple Vice President of Product Marketing Greg Joswiak, who spoke to us for some reason. â€œWe found that with the prices of our products, the most painful part was when the customer thinks â€˜Oh, god, what did I just do?â€™ right after clicking â€˜purchaseâ€™.â€
â€œSo we removed that,â€ Joswiak said. â€œNow you can buy Apple products without the worry. In fact, you already are.â€
Shocked Apple customer Jeff Clement seemingly confirmed Joswiakâ€™s assertion.
â€œI donâ€™t know where all this came from,â€ Clement said, â€œbut Iâ€™m suddenly up to my ass in iPads, HomePods and Mac Pro wheels. Iâ€™m broke but somehow Iâ€™m not worried about it. I feel kinda great. These things really work.â€
Given the current state of world affairs, Apple is hopeful that it can roll out the feature for other events than just purchasing the companyâ€™s devices.
â€œFrom presidential elections to global health concerns, Apple Glasses will make the hurting go away. If you donâ€™t have Apple Glasses, youâ€™re going to want them,â€ Joswiak said.
When asked how a user would know if they should get them when, if they did have them, they would not know they did, Joswiak smiled.
â€œThatâ€™s the beauty of it,â€ he said. â€œYouâ€™ll just keep buying them and buying them. Ha-ha. Ha-ha-ha! A-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!â€
At that point we figured the interview was over and ended the Zoom session.
More on this late-breaking story as it unfolds but we donâ€™t know that itâ€™s actually unfolding.
18 thoughts on “Apple Glasses Already Here”
My Apple Pantsâ„¢Â look great through my First(!) new glasses!
Joswiak or Wosniak – what’s the difference at this point? Since you already have the Glasses…
Where’s my iFlame? Or, dare I say it, SexBots?
And, thirdly: Third!
You say Joswiak, I say Wozniak, let’s call the whole thing off.
And I would like to know who the half source is.
I just checked my eyesight and my calendar â€” thanks to my Apple Glasses I now have 2020 vision.
Is it true that The Entity, viewed through Apple Glasses, looks exactly like Ira Glass?
More like Jennifer Frickin’ Connelly!
First dibs on TLAPD.
i saw it first.
. . .
Man this lockdown is getting to me . . .
. . .it’s got me Lixed, I tell you.
Sweet Jesus, I’ve seen it all now, thanks to Apple Glasses.
It would be awesome
Nice. I hope to test it in nearest time
Wait for them!
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