Jobs Hooked on Saying "Stevie Don't Play That".
According to highly placed sources at Apple, CEO Steve Jobs has begun to concern executives with his repeated use of the phrase “Stevie don’t play that.”
Senior Vice President of Software Development Avie Tevanian said today “I don’t know how he got into this, but he’s saying it all the time. Yesterday we were talking about whether or not to keep installing Internet Explorer now that we’ve got Safari. ‘Stevie don’t play that.’ Last week it was spinning the iPod off as a separate business. ‘Stevie don’t play that.’
“I’ll be frank, it’s really damned annoying.”
Sources within Apple could only speculate what has prompted this trend by the mercurial CEO. Some pointed to Jobs’ new-found connections in the music industry as a possible influence, while others believe it must have come from his long-standing ties with the motion picture industry.
“What I’m concerned about is that I’m pretty sure that phrase isn’t even ‘hip’ anymore,” said Chief Financial Officer Fred Anderson. “I don’t know much about this stuff, but I remember Damon Wayans saying it on In Living Color and that was years ago. What was that… when the LC came out?
“Somebody needs to set Stevie straight is what somebody needs to do. What Stevie shouldn’t be playin’ is that tired phrase. Don’t go there, Stevie. Talk to the hand, Stevie. Freddie say ‘no.'”
Apple Senior Vice President and General Counsel Nancy Heinen complained, “He tried to put it into a legal document the other day. Try explaining to the lawyers at a major client why there’s a phrase in the contract that reads ‘Should termination of this agreement occur prior to the completion of a full calendar year, supplier will be indemnified for any loss assumed by the purchaser. ‘Cause Stevie don’t play that.‘
“Makes me look like an ass-clown.”
Executives with connections in the know about hip lingo are considering asking them to speak to Jobs about his use of this phrase.
“I think Jonathan Ive knows Moby,” Tevanian said. “Is Moby cool? He’s a little old, but maybe that’s just what he needs – it’d be less threatening. Maybe Moby could talk to him.
“Hmm. Moby. Moby. Mmmmmoby. Mmmmmmmmmobay. Heh.
“Oh. You’re still here. How did you get in here, anyway?”
Apple Really Trying Hard To Give A Damn About Opera.
According to sources within Apple, the company is really trying hard to give a damn that Opera may cease production of its web browser for the Mac because of Apple’s release of Safari. However, sources indicate Apple executives are having severe difficulty coming up with a solid reason why they should.
“Obviously we hate to lose any application for the Mac,” said Apple Senior Vice President for Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller, “But in this case I think I’ll make an exception!
“Ha-ha! No, but really, to the fine folks at Opera who worked, uh, so hard – I guess, I really don’t know – um, good luck! And, uh, thanks for… Well, just thanks.
“How was that? Did it sound sincere? Because I wanted to sound sincere. I’m not, of course, but…”
Senior Vice President for Applications Sina Tamaddon said “I know we’re supposed to care about our developers but, I mean, Opera? I dunno. Let’s just say I haven’t lost any sleep over it. Let’s just say I’m not having trouble eating. Let’s just say I can easily look myself in the mirror in the morning. Let’s just say I’m not having any problems in the bedroom because of this.
“Wait, you’re not going to print that last one, are you? Eh, I guess it’s OK.”
Apple’s belief is that the browser has become such an integral part of the computing experience that it needs to take responsibility for providing a quality browsing experience.
Asked if he was concerned about the potential loss of the skinable browser, Apple CEO Steve Jobs said “Oooh, it’s skinable!? Well, why didn’t someone say so!? You know how much I love skins! Because what would really make my browsing experience perfect is a Deep Space 9 skin that makes the browser look like a Ferengi browser! That’s what I need!
“But, to answer your question… no.”