Jobs Does Not Deny Rumor of New Apple Laptop Sporting 900 MHz G4, 120" Screen; CARS Operative In Stabile Condition.

CARS sources closely linked to the manufacture of the iBook indicate a new Apple laptop is on the horizon. Working in a noodle shop near the Alpha Top factory in Taiwan, sources have learned that Apple will introduce a new laptop dubbed the “yBook” early in 2002. The yBook will reportedly sport a 900 MHz G4 and a whopping 120″ screen.The yBook will also be available in the following colors: Bondi, Blueberry, Strawberry, Grape, Tangerine, Lime, Graphite, Indigo, Sage, Key Lime, Snow, Dalmation, Flower Power, and a tantalizing new color scheme called “Brown”. Priced at $299, the yBook will be faster than both the current iBook and the PowerBook G4. And it’ll come with a gigabyte of RAM. And it’ll grant the user “mystical powers”.

When CARS operatives cornered Steve Jobs in a sushi restaurant in Cupertino and asked about the new laptop, Jobs, his back to the 200 gallon fish tank, did not deny the rumor. Instead, he chose to deliver a series of roundhouse kicks to the face and neck and one “Flying Crane” that left CARS cameraman Vinz Machete unconscious for three hours. As the mele spilled out into the parking lot, Jobs escaped by grabbing on to a ladder dangling from a black helicopter with a large white Apple logo on the side. Machete was taken to a nearby hospital where he is expected to make a full recovery.