In an event that medical experts say is a near medical impossibility for 43-year-old men, Apple Chief Software Technology Officer has hit puberty for a second time. Sources close to Tevanian indicate he is exhibiting all the classic signs of the teenage years with the exception of a growth spurt.
“Ugh, said Apple CEO Steve Jobs when asked about Tevanian. “He’s so sullen all the time! When I try to have a nice meal with him, he just sits there, slouched in his chair, picking at his food. Then he runs off with his friends and gets pizza at the mall.
“I just don’t know what to do with him!” the clearly exasperated Jobs said.
Dr. Leon Taylor, who examined Tevanian, provided the diagnosis of “adult second-stage puberty.”
“There’s nothing unusual in Tevanian’s blood work, but I’ve seen this before. When I said ‘What’s wrong, Avie?’, he just shrugged and said ‘I dunno.’ I couldn’t get anything more than an a yes or no answer out of him.
“Trust me. It’s puberty.”
Tevanian has apparently lost all interest in his work but has taken a keen interest in girls, cars, video games and “hanging out”.
“And he spends hours in his office with the door locked,” Jobs noted. “What’s he doing in there?!”
Knocking on the door to Tevanian’s office, Jobs yelled “Avie?! Avie?! Have you straightened up in there?!
“I told him to clean his office. It’s a pig sty in there and I’m not cleaning it up again!
“Avie?! What are you doing?!”
A muffled voice replied “Leave me alooooooone!”
Jobs threw his arms up.
“I give up! I’m just… I’m… I don’t know… I try and I try with him and…
“Well… I’ll just come by later and straighten it a bit. But if he thinks he’s going to the developer’s conference, he is sadly mistaken!”