They say working for Steve Jobs can be difficult. Well, recently one of our sources Inside Apple was able to document an example of just how difficult it can be. Watch… and learn… Inside Apple…
[Outside Steve Jobs’ office, three employees wait to speak to the mercurial Apple CEO.]
JOBS: Neil! Get in here!
[The employees look at each other blankly.]
EMPLOYEE 1: One of you guys named Neil?
EMPLOYEE 2: Uh… not me.
EMPLOYEE 3: Me either.
EMPLOYEE 1: Uh… OK… um…
[The employees begin to become agitated.]
EMPLOYEE 1: OK, look, one of us is going to have to be Neil.
EMPLOYEE 3: What?!
EMPLOYEE 1: C’mon, it’ll be easy. I don’t think he even knows who Neil is.
EMPLOYEE 3: What?!
EMPLOYEE 2: Look, whoever Neil is, he’s clearly mad at him. I’m not gonna be Neil.
EMPLOYEE 1: Oh, sheesh, what a sissy! [To Employee 3] OK, I’ll flip you for it. C’mon.
EMPLOYEE 3: What?! No! No! He’s right! Whoever goes in there is going to get eaten alive!
JOBS: NEIL! GET YOUR FLABBY ASS IN HERE!
[The employees each look at the rear ends of the other two but find none is much flabbier than the others.]
EMPLOYEE 1: Give me a quarter.
EMPLOYEE 2: [Becoming hysterical] No! No! He’ll kill us all! We need to call someone to sort this out! Call Schiller! Call Anderson! Call someone!
EMPLOYEE 1: [Grabs Employee 2 by the shoulders and shakes him.] Snap out of it! We’re alone in this! No one’s coming to help us!
EMPLOYEE 3: Wait! Wait! Why can’t we just tell him none of us is named Neil?!
EMPLOYEE 1: Don’t be a fool! The safest thing to do is give him what he wants! Don’t make him any more angry than he already is!
[Employee 2 suddenly drops the prototype tablet device he had been carrying, breaks away from the group and goes running down the hall screaming. Employees 1 and 3 stare after him for a second.]
EMPLOYEE 1: [Turning back to Employee 2] It’s just you and me now…
EMPLOYEE 3: This is stupid! Ha-ha! I mean… what are we afraid of?! If we tell him Neil’s not out here, he’ll be perfectly reasonable about it!
EMPLOYEE 1: Oh, you don’t know. You don’t know what he can do! He can crush us like bugs! Bugs! NOW GIVE ME A QUARTER!
[Employee 1 grabs for Employee 3’s pants pocket and the two fall to the ground, wrestling.]
EMPLOYEE 1: GIVE ME A QUARTER!
EMPLOYEE 3: NO! NO! GET OFF OF ME! GET YOUR HAND OUT OF MY POCKET! HELP! HELP!
[A breathless Neil comes running up. He glances at the two wrestling employees briefly, shakes his head, and enters Jobs’ office.]
JOBS: Ah, Neil! There you are! Sorry to yell at you out the window but I wanted to catch you before you left.
NEIL: Ha-ha! “Flabby ass”! You kill me!
[Neil shuts the door to Jobs’ office behind him. Employees 1 and 3 stop wrestling.]
EMPLOYEE 1: Uh…. well. This is uncomfortable.
EMPLOYEE 3: Get… off… of… me.