Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.

Every Friday, the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site answers common help questions based on our vast experience with Apple products and our fervent belief that we know more than you do.

Today we answer your Mac game-related questions!

Q: I’m a straight male who recently purchased Neverwinter Nights. I played the game for a long time as a male ranger, but then I started playing the game as a female elf. My friends say this means I’m gay. Does playing as a female character mean you’re gay?

A: What? No. That’s stupid.

Q: Ack, I knew it! Those guys! OK, what about playing as a highly effeminate half-orc?

A: Uh… “highly effeminate…”

Q: Yeah, half-orc. He doesn’t so much have a battle cry as a battle squeal.

A: Well… still… no. It doesn’t mean you’re gay.

Q: Ah. OK. Well… uh… what character would I have to play to have it mean that I was gay? You know… just in case I suddently decide… that…

A: Dude…

Q: Gah! I went out and purchased Halo!

A: Oh, yeah? It’s great, isn’t it? I mean, some of the levels are a little repetitive, but…

Q: No, no! Well, yes, it is great and some of the levels are a little repetitive… but it’s made by Bungie which is now owned by Microsoft! I just bought a Microsoft product! I swore I’d never do that again after Word 6!

A: Well, yeah, but what’s important is if you like it.

Q: No! No! I’m a traitor! I’m… unclean!

A: C’mon… it’s just a game.

Q: Just a game? Just a game? That’s how it starts! Then it’s just an office suite! And just an MSN account! And just a Passport! And then it’s just a copy of XP and finally it’s just a weekend at Bill Gates’ house being his butt monkey!

A: Butt monkey?

Q: AAAAAAAGH! Stop looking at me! I’m hideous to behold!

A: Why do I have the feeling that all these questions today are going to end with me saying “Dude…”?

Q: Yeah, I’ve got another Halo-related question.

A: Shoot.

Q: Well, I finished the single player levels and decided to get online to try out multiplayer and… well… my question is – why are people so mean?

A: Mean?

Q: Well, yeah. I mean, I was just standing there in a Slayer game and this guy shoots me in the back. That’s not fair.

A: Uh, well, I think that’s just the way the game is played. Maybe you’d be happier playing a team game, like Capture the Flag.

Q: Yeah, I tried one of those games, too, and I got run over by someone on my own team driving a warthog. Is that nice? I don’t think that’s very nice.

A: I’m sure it was just an accident.

Q: He said “LOL” right after that.

A: Oh.

Q: I just think it’d be nice if we all worked together. It’s not funny when someone get hit with a warthog or shot in the back or pantsed in front of all the other players. I don’t even know how they did that.

A: Maybe you should be playing some other game.

Q: I tried the Sims and you know what happened?

A: No. What?

Q: I got run over by a warthog. Came right out of nowhere.

A: Must… resist… urge… to… disapprovingly say… “Dude…”