Shocking news today from Apple Computer. Fred Anderson, CFO since joining the company in 1996, has announced he plans to retire on June 1st of this year.
Anderson, beloved by Apple watchers everywhere as “that guy that does the conference calls”, will be sorely missed in the Macintosh community. But Anderson is looking forward to his retirement.
“Well, first of all,” Anderson said, “me and the little woman – that’s what I like to call her, the little woman – are renting one of those top-of-the-line RVs – the kind with a little kitchen and a shower – and we’re just gonna start driving! Grand Canyon, Branson Missouri, Wall Drug… we’re gonna see it all!
“After that, I’m thinking of going on the senior professional bowling circuit. Always kind of been a dream of mine.”
Despite Anderson’s grand plans, his friends say he has increasingly devoted his time to the model train set in his unfinished basement.
“I’m a little worried about Fred,” said a close friend who asked not to be identified. “I came over the other night and found him in the basement again, playing with those trains. Just sitting there… watching them go round and round… mumbling to himself ‘I could have been an engineer… life out on the rails… every day an adventure…’
“I think he always regretted choosing Coopers and Lybrand instead of Burlington Northern Santa Fe. But it’s too late now. That’s no life for a man of Fred’s age. Different port every night… the excitement… the glitz… women dripping off of you… they love a man in uniform…”
Apple CEO Steve Jobs thought Anderson would take well to retirement.
“Fred’s already been cardigan shopping. I think he can’t wait.”