12 May 04Mac User Just Lying To Himself.


According to friends and coworkers, Mac user Paul Doan continues to lie to himself. Years of rationalizing using the Macintosh through Apple’s many ups and downs has built up a web of lies that have Doan inextricably caught.

At his Stamford, Conn. home, Doan was asked about how he manages using a Mac in a predominantly Windows world.

“I have no problems at all!” Doan said enthusiastically. “The Mac is totally standards-based. I can integrate it into my office environment without any help from the PC support staff.”

“Did Paul tell you that?” he Doan’s friend, Jerry Gleason asked, shaking his head. “Because that’s total bull crap.”

Gleason indicated that he saw Doan struggling to figure out how to get his office email on his 1 GHz PowerBook.

“He wouldn’t admit it but he couldn’t get it to work. It’s like when he spent all those years going on about how protected memory was actually a bad thing.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m a Mac user myself. But Paul… I’m worried about him. I think he’s talked himself out on to a ledge.”

In addition to being a die-hard Macintosh supporter, Doan also claims he doesn’t use any Microsoft products at all.

“If I need to open an Office document,” Doan said, “I just use AbiWord or OpenOffice. It works like a charm! There are absolutely no formatting issues at all, and PC users never see garbage characters in the files I send them.”

“Oh, my god, Paul,” Gleason said upon hearing his friend’s words. “When will you realize you need help?! He’s only kidding himself and he’ll never get anywhere until he admits he has a problem!”

Doan only continued his unabated stream of lies.

“I play all the latest games! Like… uh… Well… there was that one… uh…

“Look, I just do, OK?

“Transferring files back and forth from my office PC to my Mac at home is a breeze!

“Everything is done via web standards today and since the Mac conforms to all web standards, there’s never an issue.”

Doan laughed nervously, let out a whine and clawed momentarily at his face.

No Responses to “Mac User Just Lying To Himself.”

  1. John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith says:

    First Post!

    (This is getting to be a habit.)

  2. Anti Cia says:

    second post!

    hahahaha…..do i get an award..or somthing.

  3. Huh? says:

    I don’t get it…

    May I go home now?

  4. I'm with Huh? says:

    Musta used up all the funny on last week’s articles;)

  5. John Jacob Jingleheimer Smith says:

    Apparently you all missed the memo. John said that CARS is offering a mini to the person who gets the most number of “First Posts” in May 2004.

    Unfortunately I will be out of town (and no, I am not going to Borneo) next week, so that means someone else will probably win the mini.

  6. Anti Cai says:

    Ive got a well layed plan!!

    Its to win that Mini and drive it over cai’s well

    layed ass!!

    U LIKE??

  7. not Cai says:

    Whats this? A message board dedicated to bashing cai you say??

    The only problem with running him over with a mini is that well, it might not be painful enough. Better to just attack with the good old rusty spoon. Everyone loves rusty spoons!

    Wait… is this in fact a Mac site? but macs suck almost as much as cai’s mum!

    I could try to constructed reasonable arguments as to why Cai, Cai’s mum and Macs all suck so much, but I’m too lazy. You all know it’s true anyway

  8. not Cai says:

    The First in a series of famous quotes from the movies:

    Matrix

    Spoon Boy: Do not try and bend the spoon. That’s impossible. Instead.. try to realize the truth

    Neo: What truth?

    Spoon Boy: Cai is gay.

    Neo: Cai is gay?

    Spoon Boy: Then you’ll see, it is not the spoon that bends, only Cai.

  9. Poster Boy says:

    Doan laughed nervously, let out a whine and clawed momentarily at his face. — That’s funny.

  10. Jon Pugh says:

    Hey! I’m playing the latest game on a Mac! World of Warcraft r00lz!

    Jon

  11. Not Not Cai says:

    You’re British and I know it!

  12. Anti Cai says:

    WOW!! u….like…actually playing a game on…..errrr….on…..eh mac

    That must really be cool.

    I like….been playing the best looking game known to man, farcry, on my PC….give it another 100 years and maybe it will be out on the mac…..maybe……argh…who iam i kidding.

  13. ZethoMarx says:

    It says: ‘”Did Paul tell you that?” he Doan’s friend…’

    Me post. To comments. He fix. Me think.

  14. Cai says:

    wowsers!

    *shakes pom-poms*

    G – O!

    G – O!

    *shakes*

    GO ANTI-CAAAAAAI

    GO ANTI-CAAAAAAI

    *shake-shake-shake*

    CUH-AAAAAAIIIIIIII!

    ANTI-CUH-CAAAAAIIIIII!

    WoooooOOOOOOOOOOooooooo!

    *shakes*

    *does the splits*

    Hope ya dont mind! *shakes*

    Borrowed em from your mom!

    *shakes again*

  15. Cai says:

    woooo – how bizarre!

    I posted in the mega post and it also appeared here!!

    Wowsers……this is truly weird….

    *gets into scully voice mode*

    MULDEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!

  16. Cai says:

    I’m kinda concerned about Anti-Cai’s fixation with my ass!!

    Hmmmmm!

    *shakes the ass*

    Bleah!!

    Wibble!

  17. Anti Cai says:

    Just wondering pinky why ur ass is so big?

    (must be all that lovin u get from the inmates)

    BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOMMMM BABY!!!! BOOOM!!!

  18. Not Cai says:

    Return of the King

    Aragorn: Every day Frodo moves closer to Mordor.

    Gandalf: Do we know that?

    Aragorn: What does your heart tell you?

    Gandalf: That Cai is gay.

  19. John Doe says:

    Umm, hi.

    This is kinda embarrassing.

    I pushed the ‘forget personal information’ button under the comments window, and now I can’t remember who I am.

    Does anybody recognize me?

    Damn, I hope I turn out to be married to some hot babe…

  20. Laemkral says:

    It’s only a matter of time until Anti Cai gets boring, then we will have to purge him.

  21. Adaman says:

    Ooooo! Purge! Yay! It sure is fun to purge the annoying people! Go purging! *does little purging dance* Purging is fun! Damn those annoying people!………….*realization*…….I’ll…..just….be going……over there…………..now…………….

  22. Bert Doe says:

    Uh oh.

    This could be a problem. I also clicked on the “Forget Personal Information” button, and I also have no idea who I am. Does that mean that I might somehow end up with John Doe’s life? That might be bad, right?

    On the other hand, if he _was_ married to some hot babe, that could be good. I mean, I’ve looked in a mirror to see if I knew who I was, and the only thing I came up with is that I’m reasonably sure that a hot babe wouldn’t be married to me. Unless she was blind. Or I’m a millionaire.

    Aaaaggh!

  23. anti-pasta says:

    Cia, Anti-Cia why don’t you two exchange emails and take it off line. Because it appears that you two are doing a swell job entertaining yourselves, but just annoying the rest of us.

  24. pasta says:

    For once I agree completly with anti-pasta!

  25. not pasta says:

    Yes, this is no place for personal attacks.

    (pasta has high carbs)

  26. pasta says:

    I heard that !!!!!!!

  27. Totally off subject because Moltz is sitting on his tooshie instead of posting Crazy Apple Rumors (TM)….But has anyone noticed that MacCentral is reading more and more like, well, Crazy Apple Rumors?

    The whole wireless story is hilarious. I wonder if the sequel will be: “Experts warn darkness could result in total loss of vision, users of light should take security precautions.”

    Beats the hell out of burned, cheeze covered lesbian midgets, don’t it?

  28. Anti Cai says:

    So you all think that Anti cai should stop and let cai out of his cellar?

    But weres the fun in that?

  29. Anti Cai says:

    I think you’ve all lost your sence of humour!…but then you all own macs?…..no wait!……you must have a sence of humour.

  30. Scott M. says:

    Ah, trolling and spamming a Mac message board all at once.. that is both original and funny.

    Oh, wait. No it’s not. It’s that other thing.. what is it.. oh yeah, it’s FUCKING ANNOYING. Go fire up your Amstrads and fuck off you toothless limey bastards!

  31. Lord Brixton says:

    uhh…isn’t this one a repeat from last year?

    oh, and the PC guy needs to get the heck over hisself.

  32. olgluk says:

    Where are my pills ?

  33. Somebody says:

    I just want to know why my mac won’t play .AVIs. I’ve missed like half the eps of the Daily Show that I could’ve dowloaded thru bittorrent.

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