16 Jun 0430-Inch Display Delayed In Argument Over 30-Inch Desktop Pictures


According to sources in Apple hardware engineering, 30-inch displays are being held at the loading docks pending a decision concerning 30-inch desktop pictures.

In what can only be described as a collective case of creative block, Apple executives have been unable to make the final decision on what images should highlight Apple’s monster display.

“We’ve done bottles, we’ve done insects, we’ve done abstracts…” said Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller. “What will really draw people in to this gorgeous display? What will make them say, ‘Me likey display! Me buy!’

“Think, people! Think!”

Drawing nothing but blank stares, Schiller sighed heavily.

“Um…” said a hesitant Senior Vice President of Applications Sina Tamaddon, holding up one sample picture. “Little kitties?”

“No! No!” an exasperated Schiller said. “Think big! Like the 30-inch display itself!”

“Well,” said Chief Software Technology Officer Avie Tevanian, “I wanted the cover of Led Zeppelin’s seminal album Houses of the Holy. No one’s bigger than Led Zeppelin. But you guys went off on copyright problems…”

“No 70s rock bands! No Led Zeppelin! No Who! No Pink Floyd!” Schiller said.

“What about…” started Senior Vice President of Worldwide Sales and Operations Tim Cook began.

“No Bachman Turner Overdrive!”

“Oh,” Cook said.

Several minutes of silence were broken only by the occasional shuffling of the printed images scattered across the table.

“I believe this shot of several female asses all lined up will really speak to our male users,” said Senior Vice President Jon Rubinstein, drawing stares from around the table.

“Again, Jon,” Schiller said, “We’re not using anything from your personal collection.”

Apple executives have vowed to put in extra hours until a decision is made.

33 Responses to “30-Inch Display Delayed In Argument Over 30-Inch Desktop Pictures”

  1. AM says:

    I ROOOOOL!

    First

  2. Anonymous says:

    for the ladies, they could just show five six inch wangs…. for the fellows they can just show a single thirty inch one and imply that using the monitor helps out… down there… where your wang is.

  3. MacStansbury says:

    this does not rock. I wanna be first for once…

  4. Anonymous says:

    I don’t wanna dwell on the obvious, but nothing shows the giantness of something like an image of a giant squid.

    What’s that? No one’s seen a living one?

    Hmm… Expect further delays until the Apple Deep Sea Submarine Expeditionary Force returns with a giant squid…

  5. powermac99 says:

    Fourth! Yay, I’m so proud of myself…

  6. Silas says:

    Well, those nude females asses lined up sounds cool. Personally, I would go with a screenshot of a very full screen. Hehehe. Confusing.

  7. Huck says:

    Boobs. Asses are good too. But really, boobs are where it’s at.

  8. Josh says:

    Ick. I just found a red hair in my coke. I’ve just opened it, and I have not red hair. Therefore it came from the can.

    Also: Asses good.

  9. I resent the wang comment.

  10. Phil Brown says:

    How about deep space

    How big is that???

  11. concerned citizen says:

    how about sexbot j lo and sexbot uma? (please crop moltz’s popcorm eating out of the picture)

    are there any legal issues with the likenesses of sexbots?

    cc

  12. Regressive Preservative says:

    I suggest a single shot of J Lo’s butt. It is the only thing big enough to do the 30-inch LCD justice. Well, Tia Carrere’s butt comes a close second so, that one could be an option too.

  13. concerned citizen says:

    that should have been “popcorn”, not popcorm — and not to be confused with popporn nor with cornporn —- and nothing to do with Llamish porn.

    thankyou,

    cc

  14. I think this is the one CARS post where it really is appropriate to ask in the comments …

    pics please?

  15. Edward Liu says:

    Well, I guess we know what to expect for the inevitable 34-inch, 36-inch, 38-inch, and 44DD displays…

  16. Ozi says:

    good call, edward! LOL

    as for the screenshot, I think I can improve on Junes suggestion: A giant squid fighting a whale! They do that, you know.

    or perhaps, a Giant Squid, dwarfed by J Los butt. Even better, you could have a Giant squid on a chair (a big one, dur) about to be SAT UPON by J Lo, and squiddy darling could have this terrified look in its eyes, knowing its end was near…

  17. Shareholder says:

    …knowing J Lo’s end was near…

  18. Anonymous says:

    Great, so here I am doing a Google search for “several female asses” and I find THIS site!?! What the f*** is this? Where are my several female asses??? I WANNA SEE MY SEVERAL FEMALE ASSES!

    Lousy Google. World’s greatest search engine, my several female ass!

  19. Mr. Conspiracy says:

    This is just a plot to get us excited over tight, round, female asses and then leave us with hard-ons throbbing. IT’S NOTHING BUT A COCKTEASE! Moltz, YOU ARE A COCKTEASE.

  20. Anonymous says:

    Mmmmm. 30 inches of widescreen porn.

  21. Del says:

    It is not popcorn it is copporn.

    Didn’t two officers get kicked off the force for that?

    Copporn at its greatest.

    http://www.reuters.co.uk/newsArticle.jhtml?type=oddlyEnoughNews&storyID=5268301&section=news

  22. Huck says:

    They’d better have nice, high resolutions, cuz I don’t want no jaggy-butts. Or whatever other anatomical fixations are displayed.

    And here’s another request for pics… plz.

  23. Anonymous says:

    You’ve got a twisted readership, John.

    Twisted.

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    I vomit on this thread

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