WWDC Reaction

Due to budget cutbacks and the need to put my foot down about some personnel issues we’ve been having here (I’m sorry if some bad apples had to spoil a good time for everyone!), the Crazy Apple Rumors Site staff did not attend the Worldwide Developers Conference this year.

Because some people forgot to get their field trip permission slips signed.

I’m not saying who.

It’s not who you’d guess.

Unless you’d guess Chet.

In which case it is.

Anyway, we sat down and (some of us sullenly) watched Steve’s keynote and here’s our stream of consciousness reaction to the QuickTime streaming action.

Just after taking the stage, Steve said there are developers at WWDC from countries he didn’t know existed, which had us howling.

It’s funny sometimes how he likes to pretend he’s not omniscient. But he is, you know. He’s omniscient.

He sees what you do at home alone at night. He doesn’t want to, of course, because you’re disgusting, but… you know… omniscient.

Steve talked about the Apple Store, played a pretty cool iTunes/iPod video and then got into the new displays that… well… everyone already knew about.

Still, that’s a damn big display.

Also, I think I saw Steve adjust himself while he was talking about it. So… you can tell he’s pretty excited about it.

Steve moved on to Mac OS X saying that the transition to Mac OS X is over and then introduced Andy Dick, who seemed to be on prozac, to talk about products from Alias. And then there was some woman talking about the next version of Myst, a couple of funky musician types, about the geekiest guy you’ve ever seen and the entire University of California Marching Band to talk about how much they liked Panther.

Everyone likes Panther, if you haven’t gotten the memo.

But enough about that. Let’s talk about Tiger.

I noticed that Spotlight puts another icon in my menu bar and I was thinking that I’m going to run out of room between the application menus and the sound, Airport, etc. icons.

And then I found out I probably won’t need my Konfabulator icon anymore.

Which explains a phone call we got later. The phone rang and there was the most horrible tirade of he filthiest expletives you’ve ever heard on the other end.

I forgot to check the caller ID, but I’m pretty sure it was Arlo Rose. You can’t really blame the guy. Apple seems to be making it a point to put him out of business every few years.

Kind of a strange message to bring up during a developer’s conference, if you ask me, but… uh… they didn’t.

Hey, kids, what would any Apple conference be without a little Schillermania?! Not worth the price of entry, that’s what!

The S-Man’s Core bit of doing an image transition between a picture of a tiger and a picture of a lion was obviously a thinly veiled attempt to tell us that the code name for the version of Mac OS X after Tiger will be Lion.

Or, possibly, based on the groovy psychedelic image he made next, Electric Zebra.

You know, there’s been a lot of controversy about whether Phil’s Canadian or not, but I think it misses the larger point:

He’s stoned out of his mind on mescaline.

Somewhere in there they mentioned that Xcode 2 will supposedly support 64-bit application development. But based on our research, it’s more like 63 and a half. They just rounded it up to 64, which I think is kind of lame.

I don’t know if you saw the demo of Automator, but Apple just created a revolution in downloading porn. Oh, sure, they made a show of downloading “family pictures”, but… you know… wink, wink…

And they also created a revolution in online group sex with iChat video conferencing.

So, new monitors, advanced graphics capability, Automator, iChat video conferencing…

What new Apple technology do you think will impact digital porn the most?

No, really.

‘Cause that’s what I got out of this keynote.

Admittedly… I get that out of every keynote…

51 thoughts on “WWDC Reaction”

  1. The Mega Post gave me my magical first post, posting powers….

    although I have to admit, it doesnt work all the time…..

    maybe it’s the cheez whizz or something…..

    or maybe it’s the Sexbots…..


    I cant believe you didnt mention Danika from the WWDC!


  2. how come the stream didn’t show steve unveiling the G5 iMac? that was what i was looking forward to the most.

    oh, and if you “adjust” the url you get the stream where steve welcomes ron jeremy onstage to talk about all the stuff john’s interested in…

  3. I hurt myself laughing…”revolution in downloading porn”. I hadn’t even thought of this when I watched the QT demo, but it seems…so obvious.

    That and the 30″ screen. Bigger porn that is easily downloaded securely with the new Safari Private Browsing.

  4. Maybe it’s Danika Cleary – iPod product manager????


    who cares anyhoo…..I wonder what beverage she was drinking?


  5. You missed that during the demo of CoreImage Shiller said “I can play with that twirl effect on his rump and move it around. It’s so cool!” which adds validity to the porn revolution thread.

  6. This site is providing me with a whole new (and not particularly welcome) insight into the expression ‘do not adjust your sets.’

  7. I think 10.5 should be code-named Leopard. Then, it could even be Flowerly Leopard, after the character in “The Loquacious Lizard of Shnoz.”

    Oh, and if Schiller is stoned on mescaline, is Steve perhaps high on mesclun? I mean, that would make sense considering his highly publicized vegan diet.

  8. “What new Apple technology do you think will impact digital porn the most?”

    I’m surprised you didn’t touch on this “private browsing” feature.

    “Using SafariÂ’s new privacy feature, no information about where you visit on the Web, personal information you enter or pages you visit are saved or cached. ItÂ’s as if you were never there.”


  9. > I noticed that Spotlight puts another icon in my menu bar

    > and I was thinking that I’m going to run out of room between

    > the application menus and the sound, Airport, etc. icons

    That’s what will sell those 30″ displays. Get two side-by-side, and you won’t have a problem till Mac OS X 10.6 (‘Tigger’)

  10. you missed somet higns john, let’s recap

    1. private browsing

    2. 30″ monitor

    3. iChat vonferenceing with three people

    4. automator

    5. spotlight – search for porn faster

    6. one button mouse so you dont get well you know, in all the buttons

    7. oh and dont forget about the iPod w/ video coming soon, i can’t wait to use that everywhere,

    so yeah apple is trying to get money from the porn industry, not bad. oh and I have to bring this up on my website, I may write an editorial about it


  11. man, if you post that url once more in the comments section i gonna come over and punch you in the face…

    i’m usually really friendly though

  12. I agree about the badassness of the “private browsing” feature. That’s something that should have been in browsers a long time ago. Unless, of course, you enjoy those sudden “uncomfotable moments” with the family and friends and whonot.

    *sighs wistfully*

  13. Didn’t Arlo Rose do that whole “Alice’s Restaurant” thing about 30 years ago?

  14. Wasn’t Arlo Rose the guy who wrote that song “Every Rose Has Its Thorn” when he was in Poison or Metallica or whatever?

  15. Oh, Arlo Rose. Arlo. Wasn’t he the guy who invented the whole internet-porn-lesbian-Nazi-midgets-in-law thing. That was a great web site.

  16. Arlo Rose makes us mad. He struts around, acting like he invented the whole “feel sorry for me because somebody stole my intellectual property” thing. Well, we invented that – he stole it from us.

    – Xerox Park Research Team

  17. Does anyone feel that “the need to put my foot down about some personnel issues” may be a code phrase for something, ahh, sexual?

    Because I don’t.

  18. “Prozac” is a trademarked brand name and should be capitalized.

    What did you say? How do I know?

    Ummm . . .

  19. When you say “there’s been a lot of controversy about whether Phil’s Canadian”, you really mean “there’s been a lot of disgust about Phil’s being Canadian”. I guess some people are just drawn to that, umm, Canadian lifestyle.

    Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  20. After some serious thought devoted to the matter, and a few run-through simulations, the only drawback with “online group sex with iChat video conferencing” would be accidentally having sex with yourself.

  21. Um if I remember right, Arlo Rose originally worked at Apple. Eventually he left and teamed up with the guy making Kaleidoscope (back in the OS 9 days). They made a badass new version of Kaleidoscope and a long while later OS X came a long and Kaleidoscope never made the jump. Instead, Arlo (and possibly the other Kaleidoscope guy, can’t remember) created Konfabulator, which is essentially Dashboard except using Javascript for the widgets and without the exposé-type thing.

    Interestingly, Konfabulator was updated, like less than a week ago to include the exposé ability. Only it’s called Konspose. I can only assume that they found out about the Dashboard trick. But… who knows?

  22. Dashboard uses WebKit for the Widgets primarily, which means that you use JavaScript to build them.

    The thing is, Apple created a cooler version of Konfabulator which is integrated with the OS. They didn’t just outright buy Arlo because they hate his guts. I guess that makes Apple Microsoft with an attitude.

    I <3 Apple.

  23. As a developer, I got a sneak peek at some of the other 150 new features. Not sure what they all mean but they sound pretty cool! Here were some of the more interesting ones:

    — Wrinkly Bye-Bye

    — Personal Tummy Rub

    — Inflatable Mouse

    — Touch-sensitive FireWire Knob

    — New voices: Colonel Klink, Webster

    — 8-speed Remote Lung Control

    — Fizzy Port

    — Random Inaudible Screaming

    — Click-n-bitch

    — No’ Mo’ Wizzywig™

    — Detachable Moltz Clippers (Stainless Steel)

    — Modulated Module Modulation

    — Mumps Spray (Refillable)

    — Fudge-on-Demand Routing System

    — Spinning Icons

    ~ winky

  24. Guys I am so disappointed in you. I can’t believe you actually think Danika is the iPod marketing manager. Didn’t you know this is the first public demonstration of a sexbot!

    I think you can put your pre-orders in now.

  25. For your enjoyment, I have translated my last post into Japanese and then back into English.

    As a developer, I whether the person who will be been secretly with functional several other 150 is new now obtained at looking. Entirely, it means, but what which sounds rather coolly truly! It was several of interesting ones with here:

    — Wrinkly BYE BYE

    Furthermore — private Nakano friction

    — expansion possible mouse

    — knob of touch dependence FireWire

    — new voice: Klink, web star colonel

    — remote lung control of 8 speed

    — Fizzy port

    — it is not audible optionally, shout

    — click n female dog

    — ‘ Mo it is not ‘ Wizzywig ™

    — the removal possible clipper of Moltz (stainless steel)

    — the module modulation which was adjusted

    — (it refills, formula) the spray of the parotid gland flame

    — Fudge require the routing system

    — icon of revolution

    Winky –

  26. In the interest of further amusing myself, here is Korea’s take on the issue:

    With the developer, me different 150 what kind of of new feature sneak peek it got. All the sound is born what it means positively but very as cold as ice,! Them who are here fun it was what kind of,:

    — wrinkles are many, Goodbye Goodbye

    — personal boats it rubs

    — expansion mice

    –Touch-sensitiveFireWire handles

    — new voice: Klink, Colonel Webster

    — 8 speed it is distant, phyey control

    — firing characteristic pots

    — in random the shout needle which is not audible

    — troubles lu n female

    –‘ move ‘Wizzywig ™

    –Moltz crises the clipper which is possible (su it is a reel,

    li su)

    — the unit modulation which is controlled

    — (the possibility of filling again it is) parotid gland Yum


    khayn Demand — itinerary systems term to the D

    — the icon which it rotates


  27. Do you think the Spinning Icons will hypnotize the Mac masses into obeying everything Steve says? It sounds like the ATAT theory of Steve Jobs eventual global domination is coming to fruition through Tiger….

Comments are closed.