09 Sep 04Pod People Taking Over Mac Community


Concerned scientists observing the Macintosh community have determined that it is slowly being taken over from within by a race of pod people.

While their purpose is unknown, one thing is certain. According to Dr. Russell Springer of the Jet Propulsion Laboratories, the aliens have a penchant for names that end in “iak.”

Springer was first tipped off to their existence by the appearance of supposed Mac developer Kevin Wojniak.

“Now we have Steve Wozniak, Greg Joswiak and Kevin Wojniak?” Springer asked. “That’s when I called bullshit.”

Springer began a extended period of studying the three men – watching them from a distance with binoculars and documenting their every move – and quickly determined by their habits that they were, in fact, not men at all, but some kind of pod people.

“It’s classic, really,” Springer concluded. “Outwardly peaceful… technology savvy… all the pointing and shrieking at the top of their lungs…”

Springer believes that their last names are their true names with plausible-sounding Earth male names tacked on to the front.

“Steve, Greg, Kevin,” Springer said. “Seemingly innocuous names that are a thin veneer for… evil.

“Or, possibly not. I… really just know they’re pod people. I don’t know what they want. It’s possible they’re just in it for employee and developer discounts on Apple products.”

According to Springer, alien infiltration of U.S. companies is not uncommon.

“This is very similar to what happened to Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems in the 1980s when it was taken over by Red Lectroids from Planet 10 via the 8th Dimension,” Springer said.

For the time being, Springer sees no real threat from Wozniak, Joswiak and Wojniak’s presence in the Mac community.

“At a rate of one pod person per decade, I’m not really worried about it.

“But we should keep an eye on them.”

Springer has volunteered to take the first watch and will wake the next Mac user sometime before dawn.

24 Responses to “Pod People Taking Over Mac Community”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Can it be…?

  2. Anonymous says:

    Indeed!

  3. Anonymous says:

    Looks like I could have even took the time to write my name.

  4. Anonymous says:

    But I think I will just stay the anonymous first, second, third, and forth poster.

  5. JoswiakMeBaby says:

    There’s a much simplier explanation for all this, really.

    I have it on good authority that Greg Joswiak is the love child of Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak. And Kevin Wojniak is clearly the product of some unholy union between Steve Wozniak and, uh, his own kin, Greg Joswiak.

    Wow, that’s twisted.

    And so very hot!

  6. Anonymous says:

    And, fith, too.

  7. Anonymous says:

    No, not fitht. Darn.

  8. Huck says:

    Hrm… I feel bad now. I mean, I was totally fooled.

    Completely.

    Like, Steve Wozniak was always the cooler more laid back of the Steve-Steve duo. You know, it was like Jobs was the crazy badass and Wozniak was the zen creative genius. And I was so taken up with it, you know? Apple Computer and the Mac community was always part of this incredible lore that came out of those early days.

    Now what are we gonna do?

    Fuck this man, I’m switching to PC.

  9. bear says:

    Is Dr. Springer related to Jerry from Cleveland? This would make a hell of a show!

    “Pod People……and their evil fascination with sexbots”

  10. John Smallberries says:

    Good ahead and laugh-a while you can, monkey-boy!

    That’s “Bigboo-tay”!

    No matter where you go… there you are!

    (glenster is chanelling Buckaroo Bonzai again!)

  11. Anonymous says:

    “Where are we going!”

    “Planet 10!”

    “When?”

    “Really Soon”

  12. UhhhDude says:

    All your Airport base station are ours.

  13. Del says:

    No Huck don’t do it man. It’s not worth it. You may think a PC is the answer but it isn’t. Don’t do anything drastic man. You’ll never forgive yourself in the morning.

    You think you can do it by covering your PC with a brown paper bag or drinking until it starts to look good, but you can’t keep that up for ever. There isn’t enough alcohol in the world to keep it up for that long.

    Turn back from the dark side before it is to late.

  14. the7ofSwords says:

    Wait… Jerry Springer was mayor of Cincinnati, Ohio.

    He’s not from Cleveland – though he was born in London. London, England, that is.

    Although there IS a London, Ohio.

    And this Wojniak is going to school at DeVry in Columbus, Ohio.

    What’s the connection here?

    Have the pod people set up some sort of a base in Ohio?

    That would sure explain a lot…

    7

  15. fuddes says:

    Oopsie. I colored my pants yellow.

  16. bear says:

    Cincinnati….Cleveland…they both start with ‘C’!

    Isn’t there a London, Ontario, too? What’s the connection?

    And is Jerry Springer related to the Springer Spaniel?

  17. Buckaroo Banzai says:

    Kudos for the reference to my autobiography!

  18. Brother 'Perfect' Mugga says:

    Hey guy, just remember: “Wherever you go . . . there you are.”

    Now, where did I put that watermelon?

  19. bear says:

    Pre-first on the Friday edition! I’m honored!

  20. Zweben says:

    Meow?

  21. Anonymous says:

    These POD people will need to create some sort of device to Brainwash the rest of Humanity. It would have to broadcast a signal, so it would need headphones. It would have to be small and portable so people would listen to it all the time. But what will the POD people call this POD Brainwashing device!!!!! It would probably be something from Apple, because that’s where there seems to be a concentration of them. iWonder ?

  22. I Know Wojniak says:

    Well I know him and he says he was born with the name… but you never know…. perhaps CARS is right and this is a huge conspiracy!

  23. Sam says:

    last post!