Concerned scientists observing the Macintosh community have determined that it is slowly being taken over from within by a race of pod people.
While their purpose is unknown, one thing is certain. According to Dr. Russell Springer of the Jet Propulsion Laboratories, the aliens have a penchant for names that end in “iak.”
Springer was first tipped off to their existence by the appearance of supposed Mac developer Kevin Wojniak.
“Now we have Steve Wozniak, Greg Joswiak and Kevin Wojniak?” Springer asked. “That’s when I called bullshit.”
Springer began a extended period of studying the three men – watching them from a distance with binoculars and documenting their every move – and quickly determined by their habits that they were, in fact, not men at all, but some kind of pod people.
“It’s classic, really,” Springer concluded. “Outwardly peaceful… technology savvy… all the pointing and shrieking at the top of their lungs…”
Springer believes that their last names are their true names with plausible-sounding Earth male names tacked on to the front.
“Steve, Greg, Kevin,” Springer said. “Seemingly innocuous names that are a thin veneer for… evil.
“Or, possibly not. I… really just know they’re pod people. I don’t know what they want. It’s possible they’re just in it for employee and developer discounts on Apple products.”
According to Springer, alien infiltration of U.S. companies is not uncommon.
“This is very similar to what happened to Yoyodyne Propulsion Systems in the 1980s when it was taken over by Red Lectroids from Planet 10 via the 8th Dimension,” Springer said.
For the time being, Springer sees no real threat from Wozniak, Joswiak and Wojniak’s presence in the Mac community.
“At a rate of one pod person per decade, I’m not really worried about it.
“But we should keep an eye on them.”
Springer has volunteered to take the first watch and will wake the next Mac user sometime before dawn.