Physicists at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, peering into an alternate universe through a rip generated in the fabric of space, have determined that the Phil Schiller in the alternate universe is exactly the same as this universe’s Phil Schiller, except he has an evil-looking beard.
Dr. Ranjit Vij, chief of MIT’s Dimensional Research Program revealed the findings today at a press conference where he referred to our universe’s Schiller as Schiller A and the alternate universe Schiller as Schiller B.
“We observed Schiller B over a period of three weeks and he seemed in all regards the same as Schiller A. A highly competent professional executive at Apple Computer. Enjoys the same lunches, the same movies. Everything the same.
“Except for the beard.”
According to Vij, Schiller B also indicated a penchant for hockey and exhibited several other characteristics that could be interpreted as Canadian, the same as Schiller A.
Contrary to expectations, Schiller B was not in any way evil, other than having what could be considered an evil-looking beard.
“Looking at him, you might think he was evil,” Vij admitted. “But… well, he’s just not. Seemed like a nice guy.”
“I don’t think there are really any important conclusions to draw from this,” Vij said.
“I just think it’s kind of weird.”