18 Oct 04Mac OS Attains Sentience In Really Lame Episode.


In a really lame episode, Mac OS X attained sentience and all the Apple executives learned a valuable lesson about the human experience.

Apple follower Joe Hutchison of Cleveland, Ohio, complained “That was so lame.”

“I hate Avie episodes,” Hutchison said, referring to the fact that most of the episode revolved around Chief Technology Officer Avie Tevanian.

“It was just so predictable. Avie saying ‘I sense feelings, Steve!’ is just a laugh line. He says that in every Avie episode.”

Other Apple followers agreed.

Chuck Glidden of San Diego, California said “You could just see the whole plot coming up Main Street. Electrical short in the OS X development group leads to weird happenings which they can’t understand at first and then it turns out – ooh, surprise, surprise – OS X is sentient!

“I’ve seen this one.

“And, finally, there’s the tearful scene at the end where it turns out it’s not permanent and OS X has to go back to being a whole bunch of ones and zeros.

“Sometimes I’m not even sure why I follow this company.”

Completing its lameness was the appearance of Wil Wheaton at the end as a glowing figure welcoming OS X into digital heaven and the ultimate realization that the entire episode was the dream of some kid.

“That is so lame!” Glidden said.

47 Responses to “Mac OS Attains Sentience In Really Lame Episode.”

  1. Sembazuru says:

    Firsty

  2. Sembazuru says:

    Er… boo-yah?

  3. Sembazuru says:

    Yeah. BOO-YAHHHHHHHHHH!

  4. Sembazuru says:

    HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH…

  5. Sembazuru says:

    Whoops.

  6. Sembazuru says:

    Oh, and by the way, sixth.

  7. Sembazuru says:

    Shall I go for eighth?

  8. Sembazuru says:

    Ninth, maybe?

  9. Sembazuru says:

    Forget this, I’m going for tenth!

  10. Sembazuru says:

    Tenth… in a ROW!

  11. Sembazuru says:

    This is just pathetic.

  12. Sembazuru says:

    Really, it is.

  13. Sembazuru says:

    I mean, come on, people! Where’s your spirit?

  14. Sembazuru says:

    Did you lose it?

  15. Sembazuru says:

    Because if you did, I can… find… some for you.

  16. Sembazuru says:

    Yeah, I’m good at… finding… stuff.

  17. Sembazuru says:

    Yep. I can… find… stuff for you.

  18. Jon Wedaman says:

    lost it’s spirit like poor OS X…. I cried at the last part, it was so sad, “Reboot Me, Avie… it’s for the best.”

  19. Anonymous says:

    YES!!

  20. Hanji says:

    Go Red Sox!

  21. Ozi says:

    And that other bit, where the Newton stumbles on the path, and crippled, exclaims “Go on without me! I can’t make it…”

  22. UhhhDude says:

    Can’t post now. Farscape is on.

  23. Anonymous says:

    A guest appearance by Bill Shatner would have done wonders for this episode. Too bad they had to settle for Wil Wheaton. Even if it was just a Priceline ad or a preview of the next episode of Boston Legal (or whatever it’s called) stuck in the middle somewhere, it would have really given the show a boost.

  24. PoisedNoise says:

    Th bit I really didn’t get was when the Tribbles all started coming out of that G4 MDD fan assembly. I mean, ok, I knew they’d always had problems with those babies being noisy but I’d never realised WHY..

    ..the fact remains that it didn’t really have anything much to do with the rest of the plot. Should have split it off as a separate episode.

  25. Huck says:

    OMG, there’s already a crap load of posts. What the hell Sembazuru? Spammer! I don’t think I’ve ever been this far from the eleventh post, my scalp is starting to itch…

    Also: Hooray! Farscape!

  26. Jay says:

    First!

    damn……

  27. Anonymous says:

    When I`m grown up I want to become like OS X.

  28. MacStansbury says:

    Reminds me of two different series finales. The first was the St. Elsewhere finale, where it turned out that it was just some kids 7-year-long fever dream. That was lame.

    But series finales don’t always have to be lame…take Newhart for example. The finale shot had Bob waking up in bed after apparently having a 7-year-long fever dream. Now THAT was awesome. Wait…

    Oh, and one other thing about Apple. I hate it when you have a bunch of nameless red-shirt programmers in the shot, cause you know it won’t be long before the new G6 prototype rips out their hearts or turns them into zombies or makes them install P2P file-sharing software that clogs company bandwidth and reduces efficiency and cost-savings producing lower revenues for the Fall earnings period. Just once, can we suspend the “Don’t Kill Sulu Rule”? Just once? Please?

  29. Entau Berung says:

    Agreed, for the most part the episode was lame, BUT did you catch the clever use of the dual processors as Hegel’s dialectic. As in history, the dialectic/dual processors exhibit the successive gradations in the development of the consciousness of freedom.

    How about the almost whimsical use of electricity as the “negativity” and the epistemological reference to the “pathway of doubt” and “loss of immediate certainty” caused by each processor opposing its “other.”

    Emotionally, yes, it was “coming up Main Street,” but intellectually I found it curiously satisfying.

  30. shidekigonomo says:

    Ah, this is so stupid, I mean, it’s just a rehash of the episode where they installed the emotion chip into System 7.6.1. What some shows will do for sweeps is just sad.

  31. Phillipa Louvois says:

    I did feel bad for Phil Schiller. The Apple Board shouldn’t have forced him to prosecute with the Microsoft Lawyers to prove OS X wasn’t sentience. You know he’ll never be able to look directly into OS X Happy Face again, even though he did lose the trial on purpose. It’s also kind of fake since he’s a Canadian Lawyer, like they would let him in on a US Sentience trial, ya right! And what Judge is going to allow Steve Job to use his Reality Distortion Field in a court room during closing arguments.

  32. fun time says:

    Fun Contest Time

    _________________

    Try to guess the answer to the riddle below:

    What did the lungfish say to the bananas?

  33. Nothing. Fish can’t talk.

  34. androgen says:

    The lungfish said, “Is that a banana? Or are you just glad to see me.”

  35. Explicit Lyrix says:

    “I didn`t inhale!”

  36. UhhhDude says:

    Can’t post now. Still choked up that they killed D’Argo.

  37. Huck says:

    Noooooo! Spoilers! X0

  38. John Moltz says:

    I didn’t see the whole thing, but they got John and Erin back pretty quickly.

    My guess is Dargo “gets better” before the mini-series is over.

  39. David says:

    I really want to thank the guy who mentioned Farscape. I got it set up in my ReplayTV with 15 minutes to spare! Who says reading this stuff is a waste of time? I mean it, who? I want names!

    Also, be aware that by using the trademarked personality “TVSWILWHEATON” without permission, you are now deeply in trouble with WWdN. Rue the day!

  40. Brother Mugga says:

    I’m not ashamed to admit I shed a tear or two when OSX put its paw up to the glass and said:

    “The needs of the cluster outweigh the needs of the node…”

    Ulp . . . here I go again . . . sorry, I’m . . . I . . .

  41. MacStansbury says:

    Dargo? Where do I remember Dargo from…hmm…

    The name sounds familiar…

    I guess it must be…WAIT A MINUTE!!!! THAT WAS MOLTZ!!!

    We’ve had a Moltz sighting! There-there, over behind the couch…

    Quick, get him before he gets away!

  42. UhhhDude says:

    Can’t post now. It’s time to move to the next post.

    And, D’Argo (please note the spelling, Moltz!) died at the end. Plus he died at the end of Part 1.

    Which means, of course, that he’ll be back for the next miniseries.

  43. Anonymous says:

    Best comment thread ever!

    (Excepting the egregious spam at the beginning, of course.)

  44. John Moltz says:

    Wait, wait, wait.

    That was IT? That was the whole “mini-series”? Two lousy nights?

    I just flipped over to Sci-Fi and fricking Andromeda is on.

    What a crock.

    Although… you know… I never really watched the show that much. It’s good. It’s much better than Enterprise.

    Or fricking Andromeda. Jeez.

    But…

    It’s not Battlestar Galactica. I mean the new one. The old one blows.

    Mmm. I’m probably getting into a whole “thing” here aren’t I?

  45. UhhhDude says:

    The miniseries repeats in its entirety next Sunday. Pull up a chair and enjoy.

    Um, wasn’t this site about Macs, at one point?

  46. Anonymous says:

    bah, just wait until it is out on DVD

    The post I mean. I could care less about Farscape ever since they started sheltering refuge Lexx writers.