Announcement Of Canadian iTMS Marred By Riots.

After today’s announcement that the iTunes Music Store is coming to Canada next month, Canadians took to the streets in an unfortunate display of unrestrained exuberance.

Overturning cars, breaking windows and engaging in acts of public nudity, Canadians from Vancouver to Halifax expressed their joy in a manner that resulted in the arrest of over 4,000 individuals and up to U.S. $2 million worth of damage.

“YEAAAAAAAAAH!!!” screamed an unidentified Canadian Mac user outside Vancouver’s Mac Station, holding up his pinky and index fingers, possibly to symbolize all the hard rockin’ he was planning on doing when the iTunes Music Store becomes available. He then threw a garbage can through a window in Vancouver’s trendy Yaletown shopping district.

“You have to understand, we’ve been waiting for this for a long time,” said Michael Carman, manager of the Vancouver Mac Station. “All the while listening to you people in the States talk about how great the iTunes Music Store is and how many songs you’ve downloaded by bands that, ooooh, you’ve never even heard of!

“You make me sick. But now it’s our turn. You don’t like it? Well, we didn’t like it either. I think it’s only natural that we express our joy through unrestrained rampaging and gratuitous sexual acts. And if you think otherwise, then you just don’t understand our ways.”

However, Apple Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller pleaded with his fellow Canadians to restore calm to his native land.

“Please,” Schiller implored on Canadian television. “Return to your homes. I know this is particularly hard because of the NHL lockout, but maybe you could try watching This Hour Has 22 Minutes or, or Canada Now. Anything is better than this.

“Well, maybe not This Hour Has 22 Minutes, but…”

If Canadians return to their homes, Apple has promised a free Bryan Adams download when the store is available.

55 thoughts on “Announcement Of Canadian iTMS Marred By Riots.”

  1. first post hah!

    Actually I am glad for our commonwealth partners.

    I hope it gets to AUS SOON.

  2. Geez, how much research do you do for these things? Or do you just have a contact in Vancouver?

    Oh, and by the way, Simply Computing is much better than Mac Station. And I happen to like This Hour Has 22 Minutes.

  3. The real question is, how are Alanis Morissette and Celine Dion?

    If they survive the riots, they stand to earn Canadian $5 million (US 34¢) within the first 10 minutes of opening the Canadian iTMS!!

  4. Hey, I’m half Canadian (lets see a show of hands, who’s a real Canuck around here?), does that mean I can take off my pants and go out to check the mail?

  5. It’s too cold in Canada to go pantless.

    Sometimes I go sockless, in the summertime, while sitting on my chesterfield and darning my toque.

    (not only Canadian, but Vancouver Cancuck!)

  6. If you can’t go outdoors in October without pants, you’re not a real Canadian. Get your snowbird @ss back to Boca Raton where it belongs, toque-boy! Oh, and take the free Bryan Adams download with you too. Please.

    No, PLEASE.

  7. Let’s not forget the Gordon Lightfoot catalog, now on iTunes Canada. Now there’s something to get excited aboot!

  8. And what about Sloan? I’ve always liked them.

    Oh yeah btw, born and raised in Canada, but living in UK. I moved of course because they got iTMS first….. but now I have to put up with Westlife omg.

    And somebody make it snow over here already.

  9. …and on the topic of post-collecting in a state of undress, I used to run from my uni hall to the cafeteria at McGill (about 70 metres) in the winter with wet hair – it’d have frozen solid by the time I got inside.

    Does that count?

    And there’s still no snow here. Damn Bristol.

  10. Hellloooo…Sarah McLachlan and Barenaked Ladies are the greatest!!! However, Celine Dion has WAY too much vibrato in her voice. Smooth as cut up, jagged glass. She needs to stay in Vegas with her pedophile manager who married her. Ya gotta say that anyone who falls in love with a less-than-legal age girl and waits till she is legal is a BIT suspect. Makes me sick…Not to mention she is from the English language hating Quebec people. Losers. Was there when I was in high school (visiting), went running for practice with the rest of the x-county team and got yelled at for having (horrors) ENGLISH writing on our t-shirts. Have I rambled on too much again? Sigh….Never mind…

  11. I was wondering why everybody was all aboot making all the Canada references. Well, ya know you guys, you shouldn’t make fun. I myself am practically Canadian, spending four Summers in Southern Canada, aka Wisconsin.

    Ah, balmy Southern Canadian Summers, aka Southern Georgia Winters. Most people just don’t have a concept of a house without air conditioners. Or 8 inches of insulation. Or looking at that green stuff on the ground and trying to remember what it is.

    What I could never figure out is how you couldn’t go outside in the middle of July without a coat, but still there’s pigeon-sized mosquitos ready for your blood (Halloween reference there)?!?

    Oh, and the political system…you’ve got your liberals, your ultra-liberals, and then you got the guys who make them look like ReaganLimbaughThatche-rites. And somehow my spell checker thinks that word is misspelled. (

    Okay, enough about Canada.

  12. ya now, if Cheney, Wolfowitz and the other members of the neocon cabal would just turn there eyes northward we culd end up annexing Canuckia, perhaps on some pretext about redressing wrongs from the war of 1812…

    THAT would solve the iTMS problems up there!

  13. First of all, I live in Toronto. It is October 27’th and not a flake of snow. It is also quite nice outside. Not too hot, not too cold. No winter jackets needed. We probably won’t see any snow until January, but since our weather is the only thing that Americans can make fun of us ABOUT, I’ll leave that alone, you go on sounding like a moron talking about how the border was decided because of a sudden 50 degree climate shift as you’re travelling north.

    Second of all, I would like to point out that itunes is a corporate attempt for corporations to try to stop losing as much money from music piracy. Now, all they seem to have to do is use the Mac motto “I’m cool socially, if I use and endorse this product.” Seems every Mac user has been enticed. Why don’t you all grow up and realize you’re using a second-grade computer with no compatability, and actually costs more. Learn how to use a computer and use a computer. User-friendliness is going to turn our race into a plastic populous run by the American scam of patriotism for a corporation named the presidential administration. I would like to thank you all for being less than intelligent “cool” people and trying to convince me that you use a Mac because you’re an artist. Just because you spend twice as much as me buying a computer that can do half of what mine can do, doesn’t make you an artist, it makes you stupid.

    So, in the end, it comes down to this:

    1) Slap yourself.

    2) Throw away all Apple products in your household

    3) Buy a computer

    4) Learn how to use your computer

    5) Download all the music you want, for FREE

    6) If none of the above has worked, kill yourself

    7) (American’s only) Realize how pathetic your country is, and how pathetic you are for believing that your government holds the same idiologies of patriotism and kindness toward fellow citizens in your great country, and stop feeding the corporate war machine. Try visiting Canada. Every American I talk to (I work in a call center for Netzero, Juno and Bluelight dial up), who has been to Canada, has said to me that Canada is a better country, in every way.

    P.S. I can’t wait to see how stupid all you Americans sound when you try to respond to this 🙂

  14. wow. anyone? anyone? ok. i’ll do it. “You’re just jealous! NYAHHHHH!!!!!!! *sticks out tongue*”

  15. wow – you work in a call center…i thought they only hired idio… oh yeah. nevermind.

  16. Wow you are in such trouble. Everyone knows that it is against the law for Canadians to be jerks. Stop trying to ruin Canada’s image. I think they feed you to the moose for being a bad tempered Canadian. I bet the Mounties will be at your door any minute. I know you think you’ll be able to bribe them into letting you go with high alcohol content beer and a lower drinking age, but these are the Mounties! If they don’t get you their dog sleds will. Don’t press your face to the window to look, it will get frozen to the pane and you won’t be able to pry your face off until that one 40 degree day you’ll get in Summer. Now be good and stop whining aboot how no one takes you seriously. Look I’ll even give you a whole American Dollar! You can buy a house with that. Wait maybe I better give you two American dollars because after the GST (Get Screwed Tax) you’ll only have half of that left. I know your just grumpy because of no hockey, but really you should cheer up.

    Hmmm.. I’m worried our little Canadian friend won’t be able to read this since it isn’t in French. Well maybe he can have the Queen translate it for him. Well just to make sure you can read it, here it is again in your native tongue.

    Défaut de la reproduction sonore vous avez des un tel ennuis. Chacun sait que c’est pour que les Canadiens soient des secousses. Cessez d’essayer de ruiner l’image du Canada. Je pense qu’ils vous nourrissent aux orignaux pour être un mauvais Canadien gâché. J’ai parié que le Mounties sera à votre porte n’importe quelle minute. Je sais avec vous que pensez vous pourrez les suborner dans vous laisser partir la haute de teneur en alcool bière et un âge inférieur de boissons, mais ce sont le Mounties! S’ils ne vous obtiennent pas leurs traîneaux de chien . Ne serrez pas votre visage à la fenêtre pour regarder, elle obtiendra congelée au carreau et vous ne pourrez pas soulever votre visage au loin avant ce jour d’un 40 degrés que vous obtiendrez en été. Soyez maintenant aboot bon et d’arrêt de pleurnicherie comment unique prises vous sérieusement. Le regard I vous donnera même un dollar américain entier! Vous pouvez acheter une maison avec cela. Attendez peut-être une meilleure élasticité de I vous deux dollars américains parce qu’après que le GST (obtenez l’impôt baisé) vous ait seulement la moitié de cela à gauche. Je sais votre grincheux juste en raison d’aucun hockey, mais vraiment vous devriez encourager vers le haut.

  17. eXcrypt,

    You can’t possibly be a Canadian.

    What have you done my kind, friendly, Moosehead-drinking, toque-wearing, socialist-leaning, soft-spoken, O Canada-singing, hockey-playing, Yorkshire pudding-eating, stick turnips in the mashed potato cooking, cops-in-red-coats supporting, french and English speaking fellow citizens?

    We know you have them hidden away somewhere! Come on, give ’em up and go back to Iran why don’t you, eh?

    And for the record, when Mick Jagger wrote his name in the snow outside the Parliment Building in Ottawa, it was NOT in Maggie’s handwriting!

    Love, Pierre

  18. Netzero, Isn’t that the lying fraudulent company that promised that their service would be free forever? Your exactly what I would expect from a company like that.

  19. I fart in your general direction! Guess what, you donkey-raping-shit-eater – i just farted! ahahahahahahahaha!

  20. Coo, Loo Coo Coo, coo coo coo coo

    Good day, eh, and like welcome to our post eh.

    I’m Bob and this is my brother Doug.

    I’m Doug, I’m typing because like Hosehead here can’t type.

    OK so …. VOTE KERRY

    He supports the re-importation of iTunes songs from Canada, eh. And if their songs will cost .99 Canandian they will be cheaper for you guys in the US to import. Even if they are like metric songs (Double the number of songs and add 30).

    Ok so like that was our post eh, so go buy more Canadian iTunes.

    Coo, Loo Coo Coo, coo coo coo coo

  21. It is REALLY hard to poke fun at something (read Ipod socks) so ludicrously stupid to begin with. It has to be close to sanity first…

  22. Netzero has a free service, so it is free. It is banner supported (it has advertisements). That will never change. But it also has premium services that people can pay for if they wish, (like no ads). Thanks for insulting me in such an insultingly stupid way. You’re cool now.

  23. If Trolls get the attention they crave, do they grow into bigger Trolls? Kind of like feeding things at the zoo.

    Or was that if they get dunked in water?

    No, hang on…giv’us a minute…

  24. Have the terrorist gotten to our Canadian friends too! Rumsfield re-instate the draft, were going North!

  25. I don’t know. This guy is so funny I think we should keep egging him on.

    Aw poor Troll is there anything sadder than a phone support person in Canada who has to rant in an Apple forum to feel better about his life. Don’t worry your job will be outsourced to India before much longer.

  26. Would that real computer run Windows? Why do you support a company that is synomise with anti-priracy laws. Seems a little self defeating to me, and yes I am aware of Canadian law. Just wait until Fair Play is adopted by Microsoft, because the same version will ship on both sides of the boarder, calastomy bag!

  27. I just wanted to say Joni Mitchell and Neil Young (but then I am showing my age).

    … and I say ban the troll. I come hear for amusement and the good vibe, not some rant and rage Windows fool. There are plenty of places for him to post.

  28. Yeah, we are that crazy…

    And best not bring up that War of 1812 stuff. We whooped you ass once, and we can do it again! (Remember why the White House is white?)

  29. Yeah. Whooped our ass. Yep. That’s why September 10th happened. Where are the HMS Detroit, HMS Charlotte, et al.? Oh yeah. At the bottom of Lake Erie. How does it feel to have been defeated by inferior firepower? By the way, the War of 1812 goes like this:

    U.S. – “We won the War of 1812!!!!”

    Canada – “No, we won the War of 1812!!!!”

    British – “What war?”

    There was no winner. It went back to the status quo. Read the Treaty of Ghent.

  30. I like this new name you’ve all elected for me to be known as. I also find it wonderful that there’s a few Americans that still think that everything they assume is correct, like the thought that you’re all living in a free country. I am speaking, of course, about the accusations that I use/endorse windows. Where, in all that I have written, have I said that? Also, has anyone else noticed that the only people saying, or typing for that matter, the word “aboot”. Canadians don’t say aboot. I have lived in Canada my entire life, and have not once heard someone say “aboot”. I’m not even going to bring up the obvious “y’all” or “huh”. Oops. Anyway, keep on thinking hard you devious little Barbie and Ken dolls. Think with those minds your government has given you, and try, ever so hard, to find an intelligent explaination as to how I am somehow less than you are because of my nationality. Eventually you’ll understand.

  31. Sorry, one more thing. Who cares about the war of 1812? It’s 2004 now. If you Americans are in such a hurry to rush and defend your country’s honour and prove how tough you all really are, come to my house. Bring your family, bring your friends. Let’s start a good old fashioned civil war fought by volunteer militia. Who do you think will win? I don’t know a single Canadian male who wouldn’t run out the door, eager to stop any danger to his fellow citizens and our way of life. You talk about how the conditions are so bad up here, we’re greatful. We learn to deal with rough conditions in the winter, constantly changing weather, whining neighboors to the south. Face it, your country has a bigger military, our country has 30 million citizens that would all shoot at your soldiers the instant they walked across the border, regardless of age or condition of health. You like to talk like you’re the toughest nation on the planet Earth because you terrorize small nations that can not defend themselves. I quiver before you, oh great tyrant of the world. This very thread is about a store that is meant to take away your money for something you can get for free. Something that should be free, if there was such a thing as artists anymore. Remember, if Microsoft hadn’t have swept the market the way it did, Apple would be in Microsoft’s place today, and they could even be worse. Just because Apple isn’t Microsoft, doesn’t mean they don’t have the same goal. It’s a business, they’re not your friends. Apple is making so much money because they tell a bunch of lemming consumers that they’re “different”. So then you attract all these “different” freaks, who buy everything they can get their hands on with that logo on it, because that’s cool. I’m just sorry that there’s Canadians that feed into this American bullsh*t.

    Have a nice day!

  32. Hrmm… It sounds like you are (1. Making up excuses to download not only music but obviously gigs and gigs of porn… Not that thats a bad thing or that most (all) of the other readers here do that… but we (they) don’t turn and blame it on the country south of them (um.,… Forgot) (2. Freaking out over a post about Apple products on an Apple rumours site… I’ll bet your a closet iBook user… so sleek and white… It’s ok we support you and encourage you to live up to the fetish!! So return to you tiny cubicle answering your phones in the darkness of social anxiety and deprivation… and Make sure to stay tuned… (Eh please refrain from posting though… you drag us all down)


    An apparently government fed mutant … uh apple user

    (P.S.) I send upon you the worst thing i can think of “Dude, Your gettin a Dell.” (Apologys for any and all spelling and grammar errors… lets face it… its late and i’m lazy)

  33. “Something that should be free, if there was such a thing as artists anymore.”

    Whoooaaah Nelly. I was going to let all of this crap above just slide, but here I’m afraid I have to pull you up. Yes the record industry have been ripping us off since the early 80s. Yes this mess with illegal downloads etc is more of their making than they care to admit. But the notion that musicians should not be rewarded for their talent and hard work is preposterous. I have many friends and relatives in the music industry as performers and recording artists. Most of them spent a significant proportion of their childhood practising instruments (2-3 hours per day). Not to mention the cost of lessons and instruments (a half-decent violin will set you back at least £4000, and even a baby Yamaha grand piano is £10000). And you’re telling me that they don’t deserve at least a working wage at the end of it all, just so you can avoid spending 99 cents? Please. What about studio time? Any idea how much that costs?

    And don’t give me the argument that they should be doing it because they enjoy it. Not all jobs have to make you miserable. If yours does, (and I can imagine from your vitriol above that this is the case) that’s your problem.

    Kinda like all this upset about the Canadian-bashing. Jeez, they don’t mean it really – they all know that Canada’s a better place and this is how they deal with it. Where exactly in Canada are you from anyway? Because I really have never met anyone quite as objectionable as you, and I’d like to make sure I never do.

  34. Very good for your friends. Just because you take lessons, doesn’t make you an artist. I never said people shouldn’t make a wage for talent, they do, and I think that’s fine. The record companies, however, make millions and millions of dollars for making people believe that their “artists” have more talent than anyone else, when they clearly have to artistic skills at all half the time. If I download music or a game, or a movie that I truely respect, that came from the little artistic spec that some people have inside them, I will spend money on it. I feel bad, though, about doing that because I know most of the money will go to businessmen who are collecting American dollars like they’re stamps. I am also not a closet Apple user. Trying to make it sound like everyone wants a Mac is perfect PR I’d say. How long have you been on the Apple payroll clone? Anyway, you kids have fun pretending you know what’s going on.

  35. You’ve never heard anyone say “aboot”? HAve you been living under a rock? Or just never been to the western provinces? Must be nice to live a sheltered life in Toronto, answering phones and crying yourself to sleep at night.

    Btw – we’ve never said Canadians aren’t brave…only that you aren’t.

Comments are closed.