26 Oct 04Announcement Of Canadian iTMS Marred By Riots.


After today’s announcement that the iTunes Music Store is coming to Canada next month, Canadians took to the streets in an unfortunate display of unrestrained exuberance.

Overturning cars, breaking windows and engaging in acts of public nudity, Canadians from Vancouver to Halifax expressed their joy in a manner that resulted in the arrest of over 4,000 individuals and up to U.S. $2 million worth of damage.

“YEAAAAAAAAAH!!!” screamed an unidentified Canadian Mac user outside Vancouver’s Mac Station, holding up his pinky and index fingers, possibly to symbolize all the hard rockin’ he was planning on doing when the iTunes Music Store becomes available. He then threw a garbage can through a window in Vancouver’s trendy Yaletown shopping district.

“You have to understand, we’ve been waiting for this for a long time,” said Michael Carman, manager of the Vancouver Mac Station. “All the while listening to you people in the States talk about how great the iTunes Music Store is and how many songs you’ve downloaded by bands that, ooooh, you’ve never even heard of!

“You make me sick. But now it’s our turn. You don’t like it? Well, we didn’t like it either. I think it’s only natural that we express our joy through unrestrained rampaging and gratuitous sexual acts. And if you think otherwise, then you just don’t understand our ways.”

However, Apple Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller pleaded with his fellow Canadians to restore calm to his native land.

“Please,” Schiller implored on Canadian television. “Return to your homes. I know this is particularly hard because of the NHL lockout, but maybe you could try watching This Hour Has 22 Minutes or, or Canada Now. Anything is better than this.

“Well, maybe not This Hour Has 22 Minutes, but…”

If Canadians return to their homes, Apple has promised a free Bryan Adams download when the store is available.

55 Responses to “Announcement Of Canadian iTMS Marred By Riots.”

  1. Jasn (Yasn) says:

    I tired getting a Job at the Apple store opening up near me… but no go… So yes… i wish i was on their payroll… No i am not though… thank you for having a concern for my well-being and job status 😉

  2. Anonymous says:

    “turn our race into a plastic populous run by the American scam of patriotism for a corporation named the presidential administration.”

    too late.

    move along.

  3. Troll says:

    I’ve been all over Canada. No, haven’t heard “aboot”. Seems things have quieted down in here, it gets so boring arguing with Americans and Apple users. Y’all have some nice lives now y’hear?

    P.S. lol

  4. Canuck says:

    I find it fascinating that the guy working in a pathetic call center is telling people to learn to do more with their computers.

    I currently own both a high end Dell laptop and a 1.33 Ibook. My mac sees more use because it’s far more enjoyable to use. It also cost me 1000 bucks less than the Dell, runs Cubase and Photoshop better and is built about a thousandfold better. I prefer to use my Wintendo Dell machine to play games that don’t come out on the Mac.

    Also….Troll/Exhibwhatever – You’re making the rest of the Canadian’s posting feel down when they’re associated with you. I know I do. Now, stop screwing around and answer that call in your queue. Lord knows that you have oodles of computer knowledge to bestow upon those people who can’t figure out how to configure the dialup settings on their 486.

  5. mike says:

    Oh great.. a forum to put american ignorance on display.. dear god..

    aboot??! i’ve heard that from Newfies.. they speak like Bostonians..

    Weeere all goin, to the Baahr, eh?

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