Based on a brilliant trick of temporal causality discovered by Paul Thurrott and detailed on his SuperSite for Windows, Microsoft announced today that it has claimed all features to “infinity times infinity.”
According to Thurrott’s thesis, because Microsoft has announced that advanced file meta-data search features will be a part of Longhorn (now slated to be delivered when a race of intelligent apes rules the world), Apple is in fact copying Microsoft with its Spotlight search feature which will be introduced in the Tiger update.
Which will be released in the first half of 2005.
Umm…
Anyway…
Thurrott, knowingly or unknowingly, shattered several of the basic tenets of causality that have been in place since first being discovered by the Greeks over two thousand years ago.
And Microsoft couldn’t be happier.
“After reading Thurrott’s column, we realized that by simply saying that we are going to included all possible features in some upcoming release sometime, we can lay claim that Apple is copying us in anything they do,” Microsoft CEO Steve Ballmer said.
The best part of this for Microsoft, experts say, is that the company need never actually introduce these features ever.
“It’s a complete win for Microsoft,” said the New York Times’ David Pogue. “By ‘calling’ the superior ground in feature sets, in this case ‘infinity times infinity’, the company never again has to worry about the charge that they’ve stolen ideas from Apple. Indeed, they have turned the tables and now, ironically, Apple is stealing from them!
“Ha-ha! It’s really all quite amusing!” Pogue laughed.
“Uh, unless you still subscribe to more traditional notions of causality in which case it’s just kind of pathetic.”
When reached for comment Apple chuckled mordantly.
la la first la la la la
Second times infinity!
you folks are pathetic.
you folks are pathetic.
I read that Thurrott article. Pathetic. Anyone with half a brain wouldn’t pay any attention to him at all. But then to actually use Windows by choice requires someone with less than half a brain.
Hey, at least we’re not PATHETIC TIMES INFINITY! Nyahh!
Its pretty pathetic to have to say something twice.
8 w00t god i am so awesome
I read the post and followed the link to Thurrott’s article and followed the links from there to other articles and from those other articles followed links to other other articles……and then you know what?
I ended up back here!!!
I think I may have been in a causality loop and may even have passed through a wormhole to last Tuesday. Or….it could just be that CARS is the begining and end of everything.
8 sideways is infinity, isn’t it?
Anyway, Longhorn will be introduced right about the same time that people take Mack Brown seriously (that would be the Texas Longhorns’ coach). Apparently some promised features are still forthcoming with their team as well. Like a BCS Championship. Or at least a win over Oklahoma.
Buncha pansies. What were we talking about, then?
I use OS X and Windows, does that mean I’ve got just less than one and an half brains? DAMN!!! I’ve lost quarter of my brains!!!
Apple gets dibs on infinity times infinity…plus one!
That article dude with a name that i think starts with a “t,” not important enough of a man to remember, is well, a bone headed moron.
How can anybody, including himself, believe what he says when Microsoft has the history they do?
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
T dude is a DOLT!!!!
The 19th century mathematician, Gregor Cantor defined Aleph Null as Infinity times Infinity.
He further defined Alpha Aleph as Aleph Null times Aleph Null.
So I shout:
Alpha Aleph times Alpha Aleph!
Pppphhhhhttt! 😛
I call first post times infinity on the next infinity comment threads! ha HA!
That’s entirely ridiculous. Aleph sub zero (nought/null) is the cardinality of the integers, and thus is the number of things in any countable set. This could be thought of as infinity, but of course infinity is a set of concepts, and not a number. It is, though true that the number of points with integer coordinates is still Aleph sub zero. Aleph sub one is the next larger infinity, followed by Aleph sub two, et cetera. Aleph sub zero to the Aleph sub zero power is c, the power of the continuum, specifically the number of real numbers, which is more than the number of integers. The process can be continued indefinitely. Beyond actually.
Multiplication of cardinals is finding the size of the product of the sets from which the cardinals came. So while White Light has quoted a very large number, I quote him one larger:
Aleph sub zero times Aleph sub zero plus one. (This is actually larger. If we were dealing with ordinals, then in this order, the set would still be larger, as opposed to reverse order, where the set’s size is unaffected.)
I’m sure I made a mistake in posting this here, so it is a good thing I will not likely check this thread ever again.
no 8 on its side is 8 on its side.
infinities loops are the same size
No, Bob an infinite loop is just a circle around some pretty buildings. I know, I’ve driven around it enough times.
First… before i even get through the article…*shudder* i need a bath after visiting that site… WHY! would you expose me to such horror… and i thought we had somthing special… *wipes single tear*
I claim infinity times infinity funny posts that appear on CARS, everything written from this point is just a rip-off of something I was going to write at a later date.
twenty-FIRST! That’s infinitely more infinite than infinity.
I just updated to 10.3.7 and everything seems snappier.
“…While Apple has been busy copping Windows features since Jobs returned to Apple in late 1996…”
I wonder if that’s like “copping a feel”?
I claim all future modifications of causality laws.
Infinityith post!
Yeah well I’ve claimed all features to “infinity to the infinity power”.
So there.
Wow…. Boy did this site get deep for a minute there. If Shiv ever comes back we should be ready to beat him (?) off with a stick. I clicked on his (hers/its) link and got to the most godawful site full of mathematical nonsense. Cardinality of numbers? Who are they kidding? Cardinals are ballplayer who wear red uniforms, or red bird, or funny dressed old religious guys. Sheesh!
so, thurrott is saying that since ms said they’d do something that contained technology that already existed, and someone else did it, that the someone else is a poopy-head? Damn, that’s dense.
Doesn’t Apple live at 1 Infinite Loop??!?! Did Microsoft then invent the address, the building, all the people inside….good lord….Apple is really just a Microsoft creation to distract the DOJ from thinking they are truly a monopoly! If they only put the effort of hiding their monopoly into their operating systems, they might even, dare I say, useable!
I had an Infiniti once, got raped on the trade-in, though…
SILLY MORTALS, WHAT KNOW YOU OF THE UNSPEAKABLE HORROR THAT IS INFINITY??!
THURROTT AND BALLMER ARE IN FOR QUITE A SURPRISE!!!!!
Mordantly?
John M., have you been looking at the dictionary again? How many times have we warned you of the dangers of gathering knowledge?
All this ragging on Thurrott… You just don’t appreciate this great comedian. Just because he hasn’t hosted SNL yet…
twenty-first? That’s something like half of 42nd? Hmm, but what’s the question?
we all know (or at least masako should know) that mac users have had control over the cardinality of Aleph One for a longer time than the windoze users– http://source.bungie.org
and i say fcuk the cardinality of sets (i just had a final involving concepts like that) and now i have to forget numbers all together for a multivariable calculus final… bah!
but still, even though M$ claimed infinity times infinity, apple disobeys Russel’s Paradox
Shivs, please come back. I love it when you talk dirty like that.
Is Set Theory in any way related to Set Design? Is Steve Ballmer equipollent with Bill Gates? Are we all here because we are not all there?
So many questions….
THUROTT! THUROTT! THUROTT! THUROTT! THUROTT!
THURROTT! THURROTT! THURROTT! THURROTT!
THURROTT! THURROTT! THURROTT! THURROTT!
THURROTT! THURROTT! THURROTT! THURROTT!
THURROTT! THURROTT! THURROTT! THURROTT!
THURROTT! THURROTT! THURROTT! THURROTT!
THURROTT! THURROTT! THURROTT! THURROTT!
THURROTT! THURROTT! THURROTT! THURROTT!
The new math:
Microsoft + Infinity(Infinity) = Vaporware
Shivs…
Where are you Shivs…
I miss you Shivs…
Please Shivs…
Hello Shivs…
I can’t live without you Shivs…
Don’t leave because of the weak of mind Shivs…
Stay because of the potential of genius here Shivs…
Where have you gone Shivs…
SHIVS…
Don’t worry about Bellidancer Shivs…
I need you Shivs…
My life is meaningless without you Shivs…
Poor intelligent Shivs…
Teach me Shivs…
No AP Calculus class, Shivs…
Ever taught me so much Shivs…
No Electrical Engineering class, Shivs…
Ever taught me so much Shivs…
I feel, Shivs…
That I have, Shivs…
Lost a brother Shivs…
CARS welcomes all Shivs…
First impressions mean nothing Shivs…
Come back Shivs…
And scare off the weak Shivs…
And together, Shivs…
We can rule CARS Shivs…
Right under the real rulers that is Shivs…
Come back, Shivs…
Come back, Shivs…
Come back, Shivs…
My Shivsy, Shivs…
To me, Shivs…
To me, Shivs…
Come back, Shivs…
Come back, Shivs…
Come back, Shivs…
My Shivsy, Shivs…
To me, Shivs…
What must I do Shivs…
To make you come back Shivs…
Where is the Shivs…
That we all know and love, Shivs…
Or at least none of us know, Shivs…
And maybe one person loves, Shivs…
I mean truly loves, Shivs…
You have laid claim, Shivs…
To all winnings from now on Shivs…
Now, Shivs…
Come back, Shivs…
To bask in the glory, Shivs…
Of your prize(s) Shivs…
Well Shivs…
Al these pathetic lines, Shivs…
Will never, Shivs…
Do any good, Shivs…
If you never come back to read them Shivs…
So, telepathy attack to Shivs, now, Shivs…
I am kind of sick of typing Shivs…
If you never return Shivs…
I won’t blame you Shivs…
Because I probably scared you off Shivs…
Oh yeah I have the power to, so I have, put a “1/” over every one your your peoples infinities. I have also claimed everything times the Limit as x approaches 0 of the function 1/0. Take it fools.
I wonder if it is worth posting, what with the focus more on the cardinality of numbers than anything else, but I sent a response to Thurrott. Long, so sorry. Go back to glorifying in the silliness and wonder that is CARS if you are not interested 🙂
Paul,
For the most part I found your review of MSN’s public beta very interesting and informative. I do struggle with one of your major points, that MSN really is the driving force behind desktop searching and everyone else is just copying. For the most part I actually agree with your statement. When it comes to Google, for example, I am actually in complete agreement. However, as an avid user of both PCs and Macs for years now, I think it is important to give credit where credit is due to both Microsoft and Apple. Microsoft pioneered fast, graphical user switching well before Apple even came close to releasing a similar product. Apple has beat Microsoft in offloading the GUI onto the video card by years… and Microsoft is still not able to release similar functionality, although it has before promised to include it with Longhorn. Truth be told, Longhorn features are being dramatically pared down to help ensure a 2006 release date.
With that said, when it comes to desktop searching I think your statement is flawed on two fronts. First and foremost, it is written in such a way as to imply that Apple did not enter the desktop search domain until July of this year, a full year after Microsoft announced its intentions. By this argument, a requirement to enter the domain is the ability to actually demonstrate a successful application. By this reasoning Apple, and Google for that matter, have beat Microsoft to the market… therefore, MSN is not the driving force behind desktop searching but merely an improvement on an existing technology. I do not believe this is what you were trying to imply.
Let’s take this argument an step in a different direction. Microsoft made the statement that “it has been based on years of work in the company. It’s not like we just started the thing a couple of weeks ago.” It must therefor be assumed that for Apple to have such a polished, and powerful (despite your statements to the contrary, it really is a dramatic leap forward regardless of OS) desktop search functionality now in its final stages of development that it most likely also must have ‘been based on years of work in the company.’ All the more so when you consider that current searching on my Mac far outstrips my PC,, although my Mac is now 5 years old, my PC just over 2 years. And both running the newest versions of their respective OS. To make any statement contrary to this is strange at best, and requires quite a bit of ‘eye closing.’ Given Google’s rather clumsy attempt at desktop searching, I do think the barbed comment from Microsoft is applicable for them. So it does not seem reasonable use this as a reason to state that Apple has been a follower into the domain of desktop searching, just that Microsoft chose to advertise it first. When you look at the number of programmers both companies have available to throw at this problem, the case for Apple being a follower becomes less and less believable.
My last comment on your article is that it seems based on a belief that does not make any real sense. If I were a designer and fabricator of x86 chips and I decide to compete with Intel and AMD, I must actually compete. I cannot announce grand plans for a 128-bit next generation chip that will have a base clock frequency of 6.5 GHz years in advance and then claim from that point until forever that I was the reason for the future push for 128-bit chips. Such a claim would be ludicrous. Even if I did then strive to design such a chip, and was successful, if I was not successful before AMD or Intel I could not claim that I was first, just that I, one of perhaps many, saw the future and strove toward it. To put it another way, Columbus was not the discoverer of the New World by standing on the west coast of Spain and throwing the Spanish flag onto the West Indies. He had to climb onto his ships, sail across the Atlantic, and physically plant that flag on the island in order to be able to say “I claim this land for Spain.” The former suggestion is laughable, the latter is real life. How is it, then, that the basis for your attacks on Spotlight is that Microsoft announced their desire for desktop searching prior to Apple’s announcement of a nearly finished product. If Columbus’ claims to find a new trade route to Asia were not enough, why should Microsoft’s claims to pursue a desktop search be considered enough? Loyalty to a computing platform is one thing, to ignore basic reality is another entirely.
Your review of MSN’s search features was well-written, your attacks on its competitors were not. Your thoughts would be appreciated, but not required.
Response to Thurrott, you have done well. I think you are a stinking genius and should be knighted or named head mobster or head gangster or whatever for that. That was intelligent and eloquent. My regards.
Psyko
While taking Calculous 101 at my college, I actually conclusively proved that 1/0 was not undefined, it was exactly equal to infinity. Thus 5/0 = 5 * infinity, 1/infinity = 0, and so forth. Unfortunately, my work was never taken seriously, and was suppressed… until now!
Psyko, now I’m going to sharpen the sticks….and be waiting for you!
“Response to Thurrott”, wonderfully well thought out response.
One thought about your analogy about Columbus, remember the Americas are not named for the man who fought for support, drove himself and his crew though incredible hardships, actually reached the “New World” and returned to report on it. The Americas are named for a man (Amerigo Vespuccius), “who seems to have been a shrewd, audacious, and unscrupulous man.” Check the link…history is always dirtier, grubbier, and messier than they teacher you in school.
http://www.publicbookshelf.org/public_html/Our_Country_Vol_1/whoisam_bd.html
Damn, this site is getting too intellectual.
Awful thought…(inline with how the Americas got their names) maybe future generations will honor the Steves (Woz & Jobs) as the inventers of microcomputers, but the country will be named the Totality State of Gates, the county for MS, by MS, of MS.
Bellidancer,
I found that article fascinating. I have never heard of Amerigo Vespuccius before, although I have often wondered where the name America originated.
I find it ironic, if not poetic justice, that in the end Columbus, from the grave, bested Amerigo by becoming the more widely known name. Amerigo may have been the namesake of America, but few will ever associate the two, and as such his lies have been swallowed by history (to clarify, Columbus was no saint himself, but he was honest in his discoveries)
Ummm, Math Geek person. 1/0 IS undefined. If you were to look at my post a little earlier you would see that limits are key to making 1/0 equal infinity. You will also see that I made a mistake. I said, “the Limit as x approaches 0 of the function 1/0”
where as I should have said, “the limit as x approaches 0 of the fuction 1/x.” 1/x not 1/0.
Oh, and Bellidancer, I bet you never get me.
Actually, most K-12 history books that mention Amerigo, (even some college texts) refer to Amerigo as a “mapmaker” and give no more information than that. And while Columbus actually made the voyages he is credited with, to say he was honest in his discoveries begs the question of whether he ever realized what he had discovered (several islands of the West Indies and the continent of South America). Columbus’ intent was to discover a trading route to India. His naming the West Indies indicated his assertion the he was almost there. He died believing himself a failure for not finding the route.
History AND Math, now being taught at CARS University. Who woulda thought that?
(Moltz to self: Pursue financial possibilities of creating a diploma mill/Mac rumors site.)
Can I be a teacher and get paid then?