16 Dec 04Review: Andy Hertzfeld's Revolution in The Valley.


Just in time for Christmas, O’Reilly has released Andy Hertzfeld’s Revolution in The Valley, which traces the earliest days of the Mac. Is it the perfect gift for the Apple fanatic in your family? Crazy Apple Rumors Site’s Chet MacGruder reviews.


When I picked up Andy Hertzfeld’s Revolution in The Valley, I was first struck by it’s oblong nature and the presence of a paper “dust jacket.” Upon further inspection, I noticed the dust jacket was covered in writing, much of it intended to promote the book itself.

That’s weird, I thought. I’ve already bought the book and they’re still trying to hock it to me?

Sheesh, what a bunch of hucksters.

Hocksters?

No, hucksters.

Anyway, here’s a smattering of the acclamation the book received. They seem to think it’s important, so maybe you should read it.

A rollicking fun ride! Good for the whole family! A must-read! I couldn’t put it down! It’s great!
– Andy Hertzfeld

Oh, dude! That story? About… about… the Mac and the stuff and… the funny thing that happened with Steve? Oh, man, that was the best! I thought it was just… um… yeah, OK, I didn’t actually read it. But I bet it’s really good.
– Rik Myslewski, MacAddict magazine

I had to read this book for English class. It was this or one of those Harry Potter books and, between you and me, I’ve had enough of that guy. Anyway, here is my report. I liked this book because it was a good book. It was very interesting to read about all the old stuff with the old guys who made the Mac. I also liked the pictures.
– Jessie Dankert, Mr. Allen’s 4th Grade Class

The book has received high critical acclaim, but Hertzfeld’s decision to write the entire book in iambic pentameter left this reviewer cold.

Long-time Apple fans will find much of interest in the book. For example, I found my credit card, which somehow got stuck in there when I bought it.

But who knew that, before he was a vegan, Steve Jobs subsisted entirely on a diet of blood worms and sea monkeys that he ingested by diving into a tank of water and sifting through a fibrous membrane in his mouth?

I certainly didn’t. I found that surprising. Don’t you find that surprising?

Perhaps less surprising is the revelation that Steve Wozniak spent most nights home alone watching reruns of Banacek and drinking Boone’s Farm Strawberry Wine before crying himself to sleep.

These allegations and others must be taken with a grain of salt, however. Hertzfeld’s repeated assertions that he coded the Finder with only his left hand while fending off a pack of vicious dingos with his right tend to force one to think he may be exaggerating.

Vicious dingos.

Pff.

Now, who ever heard of vicious dingos roaming free in the United States to…

AAAAGH! AAAAGH! DINGOS! RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! OH, MY GOD! THEIR FANGS ARE SO SHARP! HELP ME! MY HANDS! MY SLENDER YET MANLY HANDS! OOOOOH, NOOOOOO!!!


[sigh]

Why is nothing simple around here?

37 Responses to “Review: Andy Hertzfeld's Revolution in The Valley.”

  1. No! says:

    Really? 1st!

  2. Dan says:

    No, you are actually second. Im first.

  3. No! says:

    Hmff. I had nightmares that this would happen and then it would all just be a big joke and no one else would show up.

    Funny article though.

    …I’ll get my coat

  4. No! says:

    Oh good I’m glad it’s not just me. Shame to have lost out to first place on a mere technicality (whatever it was).

  5. I'm too ashamed says:

    I know it’s tired and hackneyed. But here it is.

    Help! That dingo has my baby!

  6. Huh, Huh says:

    Maybe. That dingo has my 15″ powerbook!

  7. rimshot says:

    Come on folks. Throw a dingo a bone. I just flew home and are my jokes tired.

  8. bear says:

    It took me two hours to read the book. Otherwise, I’d have been first. As it is, I’m 7th.

  9. Kallaloo says:

    I’d rather have read Ugluk’s review. He might not have been put off so much by the iambic pentameter, and he’d know how to handle dingos, having competed against other predators.

  10. Elaine Benes says:

    The dingo ate my baby.

  11. micahgartman says:

    FINALLY…

    An actual “funny” story!

    Bravo, Mr. Moltz! Bravo!

    mg

  12. Psyko says:

    Hey, I thought it was funny that Microsoft thinks they actually had a good idea before Apple. In fact, I thought that was hilarious.

  13. Bellidancer says:

    I think we all know why Chet doesn’t write more articles. Enough said.

    Oh and Psyko… You’re right! Yesterday’s comments got way too serious. I actually did read your post, ALL SIXTY PLUS LINES that frankly, Psyko, showed a creepy obsession with Shiv. (A classic post really… you should copy it to the Mega-Post )

  14. Huck says:

    Hucksters?

    Hmph.

  15. UhhhDude says:

    HELP! DINGOES ATE THE INVISIBLE EVIL BOY’S CHOIR! HELP!

    Oh, wait. Those boys really skeeved me out.

    Never mind.

    (Thanks Dingoes!)

  16. Invisible Evil Dingo Choir says:

    AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH!

    AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH!

    AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH!

    AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH!

    AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH!

    (burp)

    AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH!

    AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH!

    AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH! AH!

  17. Psyko says:

    “I think we all know why Chet doesn’t write more articles.”

    I figured it out, he is a wus that can’t even take a few vicious dingos. Shesh

    “A classic post really… you should copy it to the Mega-Post”

    Kudos for my most honored? I think I just might cry…And then copy it to the Mega Post!

  18. Dingos run amok.

    Who would have thunk such a thing?

    I like to eat Spam!

  19. Del says:

    YaY a spamku! I believe this is the first to be seen in the wild.

  20. Dingo says:

    I think Dingos are writing these comments.

    Remember to chew your food.

  21. Bellidancer says:

    Forty percent off

    Penis Enlargement Lotion

    Results Guarenteed

    Now THAT is Spamku

  22. Psyko says:

    What is a haiku exactly? How do you write one?

  23. Del says:

    It is a japanese form of poetry that we at CARS have bastardized for our own purposes.

    Basically it is made up of 3 lines the first and last have 5 syllables and the middle line has 7.

    Haiku is easy

    You just count the number of

    syllables in it

  24. Psyko says:

    My ode to my Mac

    Shouldn’t get terribly long

    If I just quit now

    That works doesn’t it?

  25. Del says:

    Good Haiku Psyko

    You have the right number of

    syllables per line

  26. Louzer says:

    Wow

    I thought I was the only one who cried himself to sleep after watching Banacek.

    Why does he get all the girls. They basically just throw themselves at him, for criminy sakes. *sniff* I’m Polish. I got a cool haircut. I have proverbs from my grandmother. Yet, when I’m walking by, where’s the sly smiles from the bikini-clad women, or the waitresses, flight attendants, secretaries, nurses, insurance investigators, etc, etc, etc.

    *sniff*

    I’m going to bed now….

  27. GLAARKU says:

    My Inbox is filled

    With garbage from those spammers

    Meet Mister Delete

  28. GLAARKU says:

    Dingos are great dogs

    From way down under they are

    What’s with the babies?

  29. GLAARKU says:

    Sexbot instructions:

    Place on flat surface to start

    Unwrap and plug in

  30. GLAARKU says:

    Demongods eat souls

    Bill and Steve are without them

    GLAARKU goes hungry

  31. Del says:

    It’s friday night and

    I’m stuck at work. Does that make

    me a geek or dumb?

  32. Banachek says:

    Yeah, as if.

    I’ll be more people watched my show than read your dang website.

    I mean, what must a person do to have a legacy worth remembering? And this some stupid website comes along and makes fun of that legacy? Huh? You know what it’s like to have your legacy dissed?

    I didn’t think so. You don’t have one yet! Just wait ’til you do Mr. Big Britches. Then see just how you feel.

    Sniff, sob, whine…it’s enough to make one go on Hollywood Squares…

  33. Bellidancer says:

    Nothing is sadder

    Than an old TV Idol

    Whining for past fame.

  34. Anonymous says:

    Dingoes ate my shorts!

  35. Psyko says:

    Lets just be happy

    That Crazy Apple Rumors

    Hasn’t gone away