Macworld reports that Apple has sued three developers over leaking Tiger to the public on the Internet.
In a related development, the company has also sued a Cupertino plumber for leaks in the One Infinite Loop executive washroom.
“This is inexcusable,” Apple CEO Steve Jobs said. “Look at this mess. And I can’t get this damn faucet to shut off. I tried turning it really hard and I tried jiggling it and I tried… I tried everything!
“I must stop these leaks!”
MOLTZ: Stop. Stop. Stop.
MACGRUDER: Oh, now what?
UGLUK: Yes. What? What?
MOLTZ: This is no good. This isn’t a Mac rumor. This is a pun. We are a respected Mac news and rumor site. We don’t pun.
UGLUK: Grrn? Me pun all the time. Chet pun. You pun. I think the Entity pun once.
MACGRUDER: That wasn’t a pun. It was irony.
UGLUK: No, not that time. Other time.
MACGRUDER: That was static.
MOLTZ: Look, guys, we can’t be taken seriously in the Mac community – the community that we support, the community that depends on us – if we base stories on lame puns.
MACGRUDER: OK, pun, yes. But it wasn’t that lame.
UGLUK: Little lame.
MACGRUDER: What are you talking about? You came up with it.
UGLUK: Not Ugluk’s best work.
MOLTZ: Look, look, look. Let’s just fix it, OK?
MACGRUDER: Fix it? John, it’s 6:45 on the Tuesday before Christmas. Who the hell am I going to call?
UGLUK: You know, today Solstice. Big Neanderthal holiday. Me should not even be working.
MOLTZ: [sigh] OK. OK. OK. Let’s just… um… maybe Howard has some art we can post.
HOWARD: [from the break room] Whaaaa-haaaaa!!! Whoooooo-hoooooo!!! Yeeeeeeeee-haaaaawwwww!!!
MOLTZ: What the…?
MACGRUDER: He ate that whole Macworld promotional rum cake that guy from My Personal Getaway sent over.
MOLTZ: Guys, you can not leave that stuff out on the table when he’s around!
UGLUK: You send out email! You say rum cake in break room!
MOLTZ: Well… well… I… I don’t know what I’m doing! Isn’t that obvious by now?
UGLUK: Me… not want to say anything earlier.
MOLTZ: I mean, Jeez, look at this place! I try to implement standard management techniques, many pioneered by geniuses like W. Edwards Deming, Peter Drucker and Karl down at the Frisco Freeze!
UGLUK: Oh, he very good.
MACGRUDER: Totally. Killer burgers built just-in-time.
MOLTZ: But no matter what I do everything just ends up being what it is anyway! You know? I don’t manage this place. It just… is.
MOLTZ: Yeah. Huh. Maybe… maybe we need another team-building exercise.
THE ENTITY: [hovers in] No! [hovers out]
MASAKO: [over cubicle wall] No!
MOLTZ: OK. OK. I get it. Fine. Whatever. Well… let’s just call it a night, shall we?
HOWARD: [from the break room] I like the bitches!!! Whoooo-haaaaa!!!
MOLTZ: Uh, boy.
MACGRUDER: Have you considered neutering him?
MOLTZ: He is neutered.
MOLTZ: Yeah. You know… I’m gonna get out of here before something happens in the break room that I don’t want to have to clean up.
MACGRUDER: Uuuuuh, yes, let’s.
UGLUK: Me go too.
MASAKO: [appearing from around the corner, coat in hand] The Parkway has Winterfest on tap.
HOWARD: [from the break room] And then I told him, because I can, Senator! Ha-ha! Yes!
THE ENTITY: [floats in] Buying.
MOLTZ: That’s all I needed to hear.