I mentioned last week that we’d have a programming note and here it is.
Um… note to you: there isn’t going to be any programming for a while.
Now, before you start jumping up and down and banging on your keyboards with your knuckles and hooting and angrily shaking your bananas at us and throwing your feces, just hear me out.
See, we work hard for the money. We could just say “take this job and shove it,” but instead we’re working it nine to five. Eight days a week, we bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan.
And, I’m not sure what this has to do with anything, but sisters are doing it for themselves.
So, it’s only natural that we’d frequently take off for a couple of weeks, leaving no forwarding address, and then show up on your doorstep smelling of gin and dressed only in a kimono that says “Rockaway Asian Massage And Go-Karts.”
That’s just what we do, baby. You know that.
OK, so it’s unprecedented for us to take off right before Macworld, but this is a special case. You see, the Entity called “road trip.”
Now, I’ve called “road trip” before and usually that means piling into the car and driving all night to Columbus to see Sleepy LaBeef at the Hey Hey Bar & Grill, spending the night in the car and then driving back. And there ain’t nothin’ wrong with that.
But you know when the Entity calls “road trip” it’s got to be something special.
He wouldn’t reveal much, but he did hint that it would involve:
- “Folding space” to travel great distances in an instant
- A dramatic confrontation with Tentaculous, the giant octopus-like creature at the center of our galaxy
That’s galactic pie.
So, now, what would you do? Hmm?
Yeah, baby, you’d go for the pie! You gotta find out what galactic pie tastes like!
Now, depending on whether or not there’s an Airport network where we’re going, we might be able to cover Steve Jobs’ Macworld keynote from several thousand light years away, but at this point I can’t promise anything.
I mean, jeez, more than an Airport connection, I’m just hoping there will be a nitrogen/oxygen atmosphere to breath.
And coffee. For the pie.
We also apparently need plasma weapons for our confrontation with Tentaculous.
So, an Airport network is really like fourth or fifth on my wish list.
But, according to the Entity, if we pull this off, we will halt Tentaculous’ impending invasion of our planet. So don’t say we never did anything for you.
The top-secret Crazy Apple Rumors Site headquarters is abuzz with activity right now. Chet and Howard are learning how to use plasma weapons. Masako is readying our laptops (for some reason we need Xcode, MySQL and WingNuts – I have no idea why). The Entity is readying an army of other entities (the vending machine is totally out of Baked Lays). Ugluk is sharpening a bunch of sticks (I’m betting he gets more tentacled aliens with his pointy sticks than Chet and Howard do with their plasma weapons). And the guy is here to refill the water cooler.
I understand that the whole trip takes several “jumps” to various “space stations” across the “galaxy” before we reach our “destination.” If we can check in with you and provide an update on the current state of Macworld rumors, we will certainly do so.
There’s, um, also a chance our molecules could get split apart and shot in every direction across the quadrant.
But the Entity swears that only happens like, 10 percent of the time.
So, what are the odds?
Uh… one in ten, I guess.
Anyway, we will definitely be back after the Martin Luther King holiday.
Unless… you know… the molecule thing.
But I prefer not to think about that.
And Tentaculous’ many bone-crushing tentacles.
And the death rays.
I prefer to think about the galactic pie. That’s gotta be good.