24 Jan 05Apple Quits Corporate Job After Just One Week.


A defiant Apple has quit its job at a large corporation just one week after being hired to handle the corporation’s information technology needs.

According to sources, the relationship got off to a rocky start.

“This is bogus, man” Apple reportedly said after only two days on the job.

“I don’t need their rules, man. They’re stifling my creativity. ‘Show up on time.’ ‘Follow procedure.’ ‘Wear pants.’

“Pff. I don’t need this.”

After a series of incidents throughout the week, the company walked out of GloboComm Industries earlier today, tendering its resignation effective immediately. The situation had escalated after Apple reportedly told its manager, IT director Randy Trumbull, “You’re not the boss of me.”

“I informed Apple that, yes, actually, I was the boss of it,” Trumbull said. “It didn’t seem to like that.

“The weird thing was, I hadn’t even asked it to do anything. I was just asking if it had seen the football playoffs. Sheesh.”

Apple viewed Trumbull’s management style as “overbearing.”

“I don’t work for the man,” the company said. “I don’t need someone telling me that it’s expected that I watch football to get along.

“I thought working in a large enterprise would be cool – mostly because of the money. I didn’t know it’d be such a downer.

“Man, what a downer.”

Apple got the job based on its recently unveiled web site for corporate IT managers and the new dual-processor Xserves and the Xsan, both of which have been praised for being well-suited to the enterprise environment.

According to Trumbull, the same cannot be said for the company itself.

“I think Apple just wasn’t meant to work in a corporate environment,” he concluded.

Apple said it is considering either getting back into its art or backpacking through Europe for several months to get its act together.

24 Responses to “Apple Quits Corporate Job After Just One Week.”

  1. Streetrabbit says:

    Primus

  2. JYF says:

    Segundo !

  3. Psyko says:

    Two? Dang that is amazing. I hope nobody posts while I am sitting here typing. I don’t really care if I keep the second position, but oh well. Congrats to Streetrabbit. I take it you hooked all your PowerBooks up and had them refresh every so often, but at different times than each other so that you could be on top of things when the update came? If not, then you should think about doing it next time. Make it easier on you.

  4. Psyko says:

    Figured that would happen, but I don’t really care. Congrats to all of you guys too.

  5. Streetrabbit says:

    Sextus – even better than Primus

  6. Ozi says:

    Moltzy, did you just get fired from your job and are using this as an outlet for your pain? The “not wearing pants” thing sounds very you…

  7. Psyko says:

    You know what that is very disrespectful. You don’t need to be asking him that publicly when you already know the answer. You are just trying to embarrass him.

  8. Streetrabbit says:

    I love days like these when everything just falls neatly into place.

  9. Streetrabbit says:

    Spooky STI

  10. Psyko says:

    STI=Subaru Technica International=Really Cool And Fast Cars=Such As WRX STi

  11. Streetrabbit says:

    Same Time Incident.

    Now that all the low post mania is out of the way it’s time to give some serious thought to the article.

    Reading between the lines I’d say that Apple are abandoning conventional corporate computing in favour of developing a space death ray that they will use to achieve global domination.

    It’s also possible that subliminal messages are embedded in every iPod which, when triggered, will induce mass homicidal chaos all over the planet.

    Or they could just be a bunch of lazy beatnik potheads.

  12. Tristrami says:

    Thirteen? This is the earliest I have ever posted. Everyone else must be on vacation. Or busy “ironing the kinks” out of (into?) their sexbot prototypes…

  13. UhhhDude says:

    Of course, you have to wear pants to work. On Casual Friday, however, that’s different.

  14. Del says:

    Good job Streetrabbit. Proving yet again that the Mega-Post gives first post powers!

    Also Apple is free to borrow my emergency pants any time they wish. That will help keep them out of trouble and let them get their slushie at 7-11. Stupid no pants rule. Their sign says “No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service”, but they also won’t serve you if you aren’t wearing pants. That’s false advertising and completely unfair. Jerks!

  15. Bellidancer says:

    This story is so Apple. I’ve been trying out iWork. What a misnamed product! iWORK? ya, right… if I am a “creative” professional who only needs to “create” slick presentations, either electronic or paper. What about the average shmoe who just want to write a simple letter or use a spreadsheet or simple database. iWork! Pffff. iFoolaroundandwastetime is more like it.

  16. greenacres says:

    Hey, Streetrabbit! You’ve been reading ATAT too much about Jack’s theory on Apple products eventually being used to take over the minds of the users and lead to global domination. Jobs is gonna have you whacked by lesbian ninjas, if you aren’t careful…

    I hope that I don’t get whacked by menti…(THWACK!)

  17. I’ve hear through the grapevine – which was incidentally just bursting with new grapes – that Apple has moved on. It’s now giving up on computers altogether.

    It now officially has it’s act together and it stars as the estranged brother of Sidney Bristow on Alias. The character Apple has assumed is going to bring new life to a show that was already hot and didn’t really need help. “But all those Dells all over the place, we needed to do something about that, the plucky maker of Mac Minis said.”

    So now Apple isn’t just into product placement, it IS the product placement!

    Next installment, Bill Gates tries to land a part on “Get Smart” as agent 3.1416…

    Unfortuantely, it’s too late to carry the story arc to new levels as he had hoped.

    “Day late and a dollar short,” said Steve Ballmer, Microsoft CEO and Monkeyboy. “We just can’t get him up-to-date. He’s lost so much time coding Basic for XServe. And when Steve rejects his offering this time, we’re hoping that’s the end of it. He really just wants to be accepted by someone cool. And now this. Get Smart? Are any of the actors even still alive? Even I can’t get excited about this latest adventure. Still, Bill is hopeful some day he can be cool. We keep encouraging him, but we all know it’s hopeless.”

  18. The Invisible Evil Boys' Choir says:

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  19. GLAARKU says:

    ALL HAIL GET SMART!!! GLAARKU LOVES THAT SHOW AND HOPES IT MAKES IT TO DVD BEFORE GLAARKU IS FORCED TO MAKE HIS OWN FROM AN OLD SET OF VHS TVLAND MARATHON TAPES. BRADY BUNCH TOO. BTW, I ATE MIKE LOOKINLAND’S SOUL. IT WAS DELICIOUS, BUT WAS ONLY A SNACK. NOW STAR JONES, THAT WAS TWO FRICKIN’ MEALS TO GLAARKU!

    ALL HAIL… THAT’S ALL I GOT

    LOST PRIEST!!!

  20. greenacres says:

    Hey GLAARKU! Don’t forget Green Acres! What an awesome show….It as a ‘timelessness’ to it like Seinfeld….

  21. Psyko says:

    I eat glue.

  22. MacStansbury says:

    oh, like Star Jones has a soul.

  23. Star Jones says:

    Hey, honey, I just got married. So what is your excuse? I’m going to be fat now that I’ve got my hooks in my rich hubby!

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