11 Feb 05Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.


Well, look, here’s the thing about today’s Help Desk.

It’s been cancelled.

I know that will be a great disappointment to you all as I know you love the Help Desk (we hate it, by the way), but after reading it and editing it and putting it down for a while and then spilling some of my Sloe Gin Fizz on it and then re-reading it and then using it to jot down my lawyer’s phone number after getting called by Wil Wheaton’s people, I finally had to kill it.

See, we had this idea that it would be really cute to have kids answer the Help Desk questions. They’re so precocious and just a bunch of darlings all of them.

Except Timmy.

Little bastard.

As you know, though, children (except for Timmy) are god’s most precious gift to us and they are our country’s greatest resource.

After fossil fuels.

And sorghum.

And… um… plutonium.

But they’re a solid fourth.

Which is up from last year.

They finally beat out scrap iron.

Good for them.

But the thing is, the kids that we got really didn’t know anything about Macs or Apple or iPods or… anything, really.

Now, maybe it was a mistake getting a bunch of one-year-olds, but they’re just so damned cute!

Except Timmy.

So, please accept our apologies, but trust me, you’re better off. It was bad.

Not that this is much better.

Well.

Um…

So…

How’s by you? Plans for the weekend?

Uh…

Hmm.

33 Responses to “Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.”

  1. Psyko says:

    My net is slow.

  2. Psyko says:

    Jeeze, once again, didn’t even try. My net is really slow right now though. I wish my neighbor would get faster net for me to use.

  3. UhhhDude says:

    Third! (I’m breaking curfew.)

  4. Spellcheck! says:

    Also, it’s Sloe Gin Fizz. No, I don’t know why. I’m just the Spellcheck.

  5. Kai says:

    My weekend? I am going to have a party tomorrow.

  6. Googlepedia says:

    A “Sloe” is a kind of plum found in parts of Europe.

    You have to wonder how desperate for a drink someone had to be to ferment wind plums, not knowing whether it would turn out righteous or deadly. Not that I would ever experiment like that.

  7. Psyko says:

    IT IS SLOW!!!

  8. greenacres says:

    H o w s l o w i s i t? T h i s s l o w ?

  9. Streetrabbit says:

    number 9, number 9, number 9, number 9…..

  10. Psyko says:

    My net is slow.

  11. Psyko says:

    Hmm, it does seem to be getting faster though.

  12. Huck says:

    Crap!

    Moving on, why didn’t Moltz give *us* the questions then? We’re precocious too — we could have answered them. In fact, ours would have been precocious *and* involved sexbots, I’d like to see some cute little ankle-biter beat that!

  13. Chris says:

    It’s about 5 a.m. on a Saturday, but a Sloe Gin Fizz sounds pretty good. Probably because I’ve never had one, and my fiancee is out of town, so I’m really bored. I’m wondering how it would taste with an Eggo waffle.

  14. blank says:

    Wasn’t Crow T. Robot’s evil twin named Timmy?

  15. a.k. says:

    Waaaaaaaaaah! hWaaaaaaaaa-aaaaaaaaaaaaa-hhh-waaaaaa! Waannaaa heppi-dek! Wanna! Wanna! Wanna! Wanna! Wanna! Aiiiiiiiieeeeee!

  16. Brother Mugga says:

    Timmy was the only one I liked. All the rest were smug little gits who spent the whole time extorting lashings of ginger beer from their poor bemused ‘Uncle Quentin’.

    I see Howard’s hand in this character assassination of Timmy.

    Shame on you Howard.

  17. Lassie says:

    Woof! Woof! Wooof!

  18. Psyko says:

    Come on man, (dog (not dawg)) throw a “Bark!” in there somewhere.

  19. Psyko says:

    Do we happen to have any rabid wolves here? Like, maybe one that would be willing to eat Timmy? Chew him up at least?

  20. madogdidit says:

    Ey, I want my Crazy Apple Help Desk weekly dose, don’t mind if it appears on monday but I WANT IT, I need it

  21. madogdidit says:

    Ey, I want my Crazy Apple Help Desk weekly dose, don’t mind if it appears on monday but I WANT IT, I need it

  22. madogdidit says:

    Sorry, not to desperate to post the same twice, just a little problem (I use a pc)

  23. michael says:

    I HAVE to HAVE my HELPDESK! I am suffering through withdrawal symptoms.

  24. Psyko says:

    As long as none of the symptoms are death, you will probably live.

  25. Spike says:

    I’ve got a one-year-old (er, nearly two). She could beat you with a stick, Huck, and steal the eleventh post from you too, if it wasn’t after her bedtime.

    Our weekend: driving to Billings and back. Anyone up for 20 hours in the car with a toddler that doesn’t nap any more? Anyone?

    And people wonder why I drink. Is the hot tub over in the Mega-Post still full of vodka? Cannonballllll!!!

  26. JYF says:

    FIRST !!!

  27. Psyko says:

    FOI !!!

  28. ijit says:

    as long as the symptoms don’t include anything you probably wont notice them.

  29. briggs says:

    TN_jackie snacks on fruit reduced.jpg

  30. Mr. Impossible says:

    See Mr. Impossible hang upside-down. BUT THAT’S IMPOSSIBLE!

  31. Psyko says:

    TN_jackie snacks on fruit reduced.jpg

    I am confused. What does that mean? Why is it under my name?

  32. Huck says:

    Oh yes, the hot tub is still filled with vodka… along with the fridge, the sofa, the television, the chandelier, and anyone currently in the Mega-Post.