I’d like to talk to you about a scourge on the Mac community.
No, I’m not talking about Jef Raskin.
Not today, anyway.
No, I’m talking about…
No, I’m not talking about eczema.
You know it’d be easier to write this editorial if you’d shut up.
What I’m talking about is so-called Mac celebrities.
You know who I’m talking about. Mac users who have otherwise attained celebrity status, such as Moby, Wil Wheaton and Robin Williams.
Look, I don’t know how to be any clearer about this. Wil Wheaton is not the “lovable loser”/”techno-geek”/”comedian-writer” he makes himself out to be on his weblog.
He’s a ruthless megalomaniac bent on creating a cult of personality that will eventually seat him upon a bloody throne surrounded by the dismembered corpses of his enemies as well as his friends.
And there’ll be a big axe and some scantily-clad woman at his feet. Kind of a Frank Frazetta feel.
Look, doesn’t anyone remember when he pistol-whipped a cabin boy on the MacMania cruise?
I don’t know why I seem to be the only one who remembers that.
It’s particularly weird since it was Chet who wrote the story and every time I mention it to him he just looks at me blankly. Of course, he looks at me blankly when I mention pretty much anything. Waffles, scuba gear, jai alai, the little plastic flaps that hold your checks into your checkbook…
I only single out Wheaton because he seems particularly dangerous, but truthfully there isn’t a Mac-using celebrity you can trust.
John Olerud? Yankee.
Robin Williams? One word: Flubber.
Sinbad? May possibly be a pirate. I’m not sure. Wasn’t the original Sinbad a pirate?
I do know he fought some stop-motion skeletons once. That was pretty cool.
Sinbad the pirate. Not the comedian.
The point is, if you run into one of these people at a geek cruise or a Macworld event or the buffet at your cousin’s bar mitzvah, do not make eye contact.
All they want to do is talk to you endlessly about their latest project. And your time is more important than that.
Well, no it isn’t.
But I’m just sayin’ is all.