10 Feb 05CARS Editorial: Beware So-Called Mac Celebrities.

I’d like to talk to you about a scourge on the Mac community.

No, I’m not talking about Jef Raskin.

Not today, anyway.

No, I’m talking about…

What?

No, I’m not talking about eczema.

You know it’d be easier to write this editorial if you’d shut up.

Thanks.

What I’m talking about is so-called Mac celebrities.

You know who I’m talking about. Mac users who have otherwise attained celebrity status, such as Moby, Wil Wheaton and Robin Williams.

Look, I don’t know how to be any clearer about this. Wil Wheaton is not the “lovable loser”/”techno-geek”/”comedian-writer” he makes himself out to be on his weblog.

He’s a ruthless megalomaniac bent on creating a cult of personality that will eventually seat him upon a bloody throne surrounded by the dismembered corpses of his enemies as well as his friends.

And there’ll be a big axe and some scantily-clad woman at his feet. Kind of a Frank Frazetta feel.

Look, doesn’t anyone remember when he pistol-whipped a cabin boy on the MacMania cruise?

I don’t know why I seem to be the only one who remembers that.

It’s particularly weird since it was Chet who wrote the story and every time I mention it to him he just looks at me blankly. Of course, he looks at me blankly when I mention pretty much anything. Waffles, scuba gear, jai alai, the little plastic flaps that hold your checks into your checkbook…

I only single out Wheaton because he seems particularly dangerous, but truthfully there isn’t a Mac-using celebrity you can trust.

John Olerud? Yankee.

Robin Williams? One word: Flubber.

Sinbad? May possibly be a pirate. I’m not sure. Wasn’t the original Sinbad a pirate?

I do know he fought some stop-motion skeletons once. That was pretty cool.

Sinbad the pirate. Not the comedian.

The point is, if you run into one of these people at a geek cruise or a Macworld event or the buffet at your cousin’s bar mitzvah, do not make eye contact.

All they want to do is talk to you endlessly about their latest project. And your time is more important than that.

Well, no it isn’t.

But I’m just sayin’ is all.

36 Responses to “CARS Editorial: Beware So-Called Mac Celebrities.”

  1. Bellidancer says:

    First!

  2. Bellidancer says:

    Darn you Psyko!

  3. Psyko says:

    Oh, sorry Bellidancer.

  4. Psyko says:

    Both times I have gotten first post, I did it without trying. I was watching Equilibrium and all of the sudden it ended. So I got up to see if any of my CARS friends had posted. Moltz had, that was it.

  5. Kremit says:

    Hmmm…. I wonder how many times I could have been 6th now… maybe I should start posting

  6. Streetrabbit says:

    No luck Kremit, Psyko took your 6th.

    Hey! Doesn’t Wil Wheaton look just like that kid from Star Trek what was his name…Wesley something or other. I wonder if people confuse him for him a lot?

  7. 2000guitars says:

    could he be taking a not so subtle dig at the CARS first posters, those darn wannabe celebs…

    *catches himself commenting about the story, violating the “first ten” rule*

    *wanders off muttering to the MP, to see if the hole is filled with concrete yet…*

  8. Spike says:

    Ole uses a Mac? What for?

    Eleventh time… whoooo wants it??

  9. Psyko says:

    Credit the frog here.

  10. Brother Mugga says:

    You watched ‘Equilibrium’ *to the end*?

    Man, you deserve more kudos than just a first post.

  11. Streetrabbit says:

    He got Primus, Sextus and Undecimus. Sweeter than sweet.

    Damn!! not the latin again. Fark!!

  12. Switcher says:

    C’mon people, “Equilibrium” wasn’t all THAT bad.

    It’s a correct B-Sci-Fi-movie with a tiny tiny budget and a interesting plot. Not a masterpiece but it’s OK 70-75% of the time.

    Give me more like that (in the genre) and i’ll be happy.

  13. ijit says:

    you don’t happen to read lots of bad sci-fi books aswell do you?

    not that i can talk … but still Equilibrium?

  14. paul says:

    I think it was Ulysses that fought the skeletons, not Sinbad. Both were done by stop-motion genius Ray Harryhausen. If he had had a Mac, think what he could have done…

  15. Streetrabbit says:

    Gar ye both be wrong twas Jason that fought the skeletons. Garr.

  16. Del says:

    I also like Equilibrium! I thought it had a very interesting plot and they do a good job of explaining the tech/plot without spoon feeding it to you.

    Speaking of Mac Celebrities, my favorite will always be Douglas Adams!

    “10 percent of computer users are Mac users, but remember, we are the top 10 percent.”

    – Douglas Adams

    Also speaking of Douglas Adams HGttG movie out May 6.

  17. blank says:

    I hate to mention this (but it’s not going to stop me, so there), but the Mac celebrity Robin Williams is the author of classics like “Your Mac Is Not a Typewriter.” The other Robin Williams is that comedian guy. They’re different people.

    It’s kind of like the beer expert Michael Jackson as opposed to that other guy. Again, they’re different people. I don’t think either one uses a Mac, though.

    I just had to clear that up. Thanks for the opportunity.

  18. ijit says:

    ahh british comedy, when it comes to humor no other nation has something even compareable … whether thats a good thing or not is another matter.

  19. Eddie Haskell says:

    Gee, that was a great article, Mr. Moltz sir. I thnk the word choice was excellent as was the topic. It didn’t even bother me that you made no refernce to my being a celebrity Mac user.

    After I finish these milk and cookies, would it be alright if Wally and I go book passage on the next Mac gek cruise?

  20. Psyko says:

    I like Equilibrium. It is a very good movie. They did an amazing job with practically no budget. By no budget I mean no budget too. Other films would spend the whole budget Equilibrium had on one stinking actor/actress. It helped that there were some pretty cool gun fights in there.

  21. That Kid says:

    That’s pretty funny stuff!

  22. Anonymous says:

    What does one do on a Geek cruise, anyway?

    Certainly not anything that involves going outdoors. Or interacting with other people. Or sports.

    Virtual shuffleboard, maybe? (iPod shuffleboard!)

    I can see geeks on the deck watching the sunset: “Wow, what a great-looking screensaver….”

  23. Bellidancer says:

    Unfair! Unfair! There are plenty of things for Geeks to do on a cruise.

    Set up laptop wireless game LANs

    Either set up a shipboard web site or hack into the shipboard web site and crash it.

    Set up an iTune server

    Podcasting

    Scan for bluetooth devices to hack into.

    And if you insist on activities that involve other real people… in person:

    Shipboard panel discussion on tech topics.

    Stalking Mac celebrities

    Uhh… there is more… I’m sure…

  24. Brother Mugga says:

    I get the same feeling in my gut when I hear mention of the HHttG movie as I do about ‘Magic ‘Roundabout’ and the new ‘Dr Who’; not usually a good idea to let fan-boys have (near total) creative control over resurrections such as these. Still, I hope to be surprised. Like when Styre the Sontaran took his helmet off. That was great. They can do that again no probs.

  25. Broken Like The Wind says:

    Geddy Lee. You forgot Geddy Lee.

  26. Psyko says:

    Bored.

  27. Hammer. says:

    Nail.

  28. Anonymous says:

    Beware so called Mac writers…

    You are not worthy!

  29. Streetrabbit says:

    You know after spending the last 12 hours exploring wil wheaton dot net (thanks John for another day wasted!) I have to say I think you’ve got him all wrong. I mean look – The Flaming Lips, Green Day, They Might Be Giants, U2. The guys got taste, heck he’s your average joe Mr Nice Guy and he swears. Wesley would never swear. I’d love to go round to his place and watch LOTR or The Simpsons. And I might just do that or would I risk having my head lopped or nailed to the floor?

    And his commentors seem – witty and nice. Although they tend to use the word “dude” a little too much.

    He’s got monkeys and the membership form for the cult was really straightforward.

  30. Brother Mugga says:

    I wonder if Geddy Lee’s got a cult too?

    And whether you have to be castrated to join.

    And maybe know all the words to “Bytor”.

    PS: Stephen Fry’s got to be the top Mac Celeb, purely on the basis that he takes the piss out of Gates so much better than anyone else.

  31. We at Geek tours do our best to meet the Geek’s travelling needs. SPF 120 sunscreen to maintian that pasty white skin you’ve worked so hard developing by hacking at night and sleeping ’til 5 p.m.

    Lost of Coke/Pepsi/Pizza/Nodoze at the food bar to keep your palate sated.

    Really good looking babes for you to drool over. They’re not worried, you’d be too scared to touch them anyway.

    Heavy metal music re-recorded by Weird Al Yankovic and Gomer Pyle.

    Lots of preparation H for those little nasties that develop from sitting all day and night.

    And lots of D&D games going on all over the ship.

    In fact, at Geek Cruises, the ship doesn’t ever leave the dock. Not that you losers would notice.

    Have a pleasant journey.

  32. Wil says:

    Hey, just so you know, that whole Pool boy incident was closed without any charges being filed. So drop it already, OK!

  33. John Moltz says:

    Wait, “Pool boy”?! You pistol whipped a pool boy AND a cabin boy?!

    Oh, my GOD, Wheaton!