02 Mar 05Here's What We're Working On.

No story today, but here are some of the things we’re working on.

  • A three-part exposé that will bust the Mac mini wide open (in which we do, in fact, bust a Mac mini wide open).
  • An interview with Phil Schiller’s pool guy’s brother-in-law who says Phil is “a really nice guy who’s really down-to-earth.”
  • A delightful salad recipe featuring spinach, feta cheese, walnuts and pine nuts. Mmm.
  • Building an Airport network so saturated it’ll give us a tan.
  • Writing the great American novel.
  • Telepathic cheese.
  • iPod toe socks.
  • Our own nuclear program.
  • Mastering basic fractions.
  • A grand unifying theory that explains everything (we’re up to “baked beans” so far).
  • Fixing that leaky faucet the wife’s been bitchin’ at us about for months. Sheesh. Women, huh?
  • A ton of red tape that the man makes us go through every year.
  • Ironing Steve Jobs’ jeans and pressing all those black turtlenecks.
  • Finishing that creepy collage of pictures of Apple General Counsel Nancy Heinen.

But we’ll be back at it tomorrow.

43 Responses to “Here's What We're Working On.”

  1. K.S. says:

    first! Oh yeah

  2. Me, not you. says:


  3. Me, not you. says:


  4. Sembazuru says:


  5. Anonymous says:

    Mastering fractions! You guys suck!

  6. Magnanimous Wang says:

    Third or fourth or more, I didn’t post until a while after the page loaded :\

  7. John C. Randolph says:

    I think we should ask: In all honesty, can we ever really claim to have *mastered* fractions?

    Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to my meeting. I’m working on kicking my phonics habit.


  8. John C. Randolph says:

    I think we should ask: In all honesty, can we ever really claim to have *mastered* fractions?

    Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to my meeting. I’m working on kicking my phonics habit.


  9. John C. Randolph says:

    I think we should ask: In all honesty, can we ever really claim to have *mastered* fractions?

    Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to my meeting. I’m working on kicking my phonics habit.


  10. androgen says:

    seveth, the highest I have ever been

  11. Kremit says:

    And this one time…. at band camp…. wait.. wrong window. Umm… ninth… should I wait and hope for 1 more post so I can get eleventh?

  12. 2000guitars says:

    baked beans, musical fruit…

  13. JYF says:


  14. Tristrami says:

    I’m still basking in the glory my “third post” from a few day…waitaminute! It’s after 11th post, so I guess I need to say something about the article. Uh…let’s see…Schiller’s brother, huh? Wow, that’s kind of a stretch. Yeah, just can’t get enough of that Phil Schiller, can ya John? Next Howard will be taking pictures of his kids’ cat.

  15. Huh? says:

    Someone PLEASE help me! My cheese… it’s…. IN MY HEAD!!!! AAAAUUUGGGHHHH!!!!!

    My every thought! I feel so VIOLATED!!!!


    I have to go now, my cheese wants something…


  16. Streetrabbit says:

    Telepathic cheese would be nice but Telepathic Telekinetic Cheese, now that would be…the cheese.

    Imagine your watching TV and you think to yourself “Mmmm I’d really love some cheese right now.”

    The TT Cheese hears you think this and floats itself out of the fridge and into your mouth.

    And it could psychokinetically get you some crackers and pickles to go with itself.

    Think outside the square Moltz, Telepathic Cheese is telepathetic, TT Cheese – it’s the loveable cheese lovers cheese.

  17. ijit says:

    or it could punish you brutilly for wanting to do some thing so horrific as eat chease and then flee to greener pastures … besides if cheese did do that it would be extinct by now … just think of all those poor hungry people all over the world …

  18. Einsteindrei says:

    I think that I’ve found the grand unifying theory that explains everything.

    I’ve found it.

    Is anyone interested in hearing this?

    It’s cool. Very simple and intelligible.

    Serious. I can tell it if you ask. Please ask..

  19. the grand unifying theory that explains everything: it just is.

    so take it easy 🙂

  20. Telepathic cheese says:

    I’m glad someone has finally decided to master all those factions. The iBook faction has been really whiney lately, something about repair extensions. The eMac faction just sits in the corner rocking back and forth, and mumbling about CRTs being completely acceptable. I think the people who really need a master is the apple mouse faction. They just refuse to believe that a scroll wheel is a feature anyone would want.

    I hope you master them well.

  21. The Man says:

    Just for that, Mr. Moltz, you’ll have to submit your posts in triplicate.

    No, I don’t know where you’ll get carbon paper for that. You’re the genius. Figure it out.

    Please return to the back of the line.

    Plus, if you can stay a little late today, that’d be great.

  22. the7ofSwords says:

    OK, Einsteindrei. I’ll bite…

    What’s your grand unifying theory?

    **curls up in a corner waiting for the inevitable pain**


  23. Scooter says:

    I’m still working on writing the great American post.

  24. Huck says:

    The Great American Post:

    Fuck yeah!

  25. blank says:


    (someone had to say it)

  26. I”d just like to jump in here, and say that despite being much cheaper (except for the Mac Mini), I’m almost half as good as a Mac.

    Umm, Except for the viruses. And the crappy GUI. And the general fragility of my operating system. And the heat problem. And the crappy materials used in my construction.

    Thank you.

  27. Mac Mini says:

    I’d just like to say, that “Comparable PC” isn’t.

    I run MAC OS X, BABY! Eat that, you WINDOZE LUSER! Why don’t you go and dance with Ballmer! WEEEEEEEEEHAAAAA!

    I’m sorry, but sometimes I like to rub it in.

  28. One nice thing about the alternate universe is that over here, nobody talks about such a thing as an “Equivalent PC”. In fact, Alternate John Dvorak doesn’t say much at all, and Alternate Rob Enderle just sits in the corner rocking back and forth, muttering about how much he misses his IBM XT.

  29. pmsg says:

    I am working on iPod leg warmers. (They’re back, you know. The kids love ’em.) Maybe we could bundle them with your iPod toe socks.

    Then all we’ll need is an iPod sports bra, is anyone working on that…?

  30. confused says:

    But iPods don’t HAVE toes!

    …I don’t get it.

  31. ijit says:

    first post by me on a MAC!!!

    *mumble … taking seven weeks to get to me … mumble mumble*

  32. Jonathon says:

    ipods don’t have feet either but they wear socks

  33. Del says:

    YAY ijit welcome to the club!

    I like toe socks. I can run around shoeless and my feet don’t get cold. Plus I have the added bonus that I can still pick things up with my toes.

  34. Ahnyer Keester says:

    I once met Phil Schiller’s pool guy’s brother-in-law ‘s dog’s previous owner’s sister’s best friend. She said that she had no idea who Phil Schiller was. Go figure.

  35. Angus MacSpon says:

    Is telepathic cheese something like Dell’s “Soup that can think”?

  36. Creepy Guy says:

    Can you start a creepy collage of Danika too?

  37. Tabitha Moltz-Schiller says:

    Hi great great grandpappy! This is your great great granddaughter Tabitha posting from the year 2097. Thought you should know that we’ve discovered that cheese is sentient. Stop eating the cheese! Pietro’s is no better than Auschwitz! The Cheese coalition is requiring us to try to undo some of the damage, so please do your part!

    On another note, could you please put 300 shares of Apple stock in a cardboard box labeled “Tabitha” and put it in the garage? I’ll pick it up in 60 years. (I’m sorry that cryogenics wasn’t perfected in your lifetime; I would like to have met you.)

    P.S. Throw in a set of those fifty state quarters–they’re really hot lately!

  38. Just in time says:

    Is Tabitha hot or what!

  39. How could I have been so wrong!!!

  40. Jon says:

    He’ll update any minute now… that first post is MINE!

  41. Anonymous says:

    Ummm, Moltz has a Wife?

  42. Psyko says:

    I sure hope you don’t figure out the nuclear stuff. That would be kinda bad.