01 Mar 05Sign The Online Petition!


Hey, you with the red eyes and belly all bloated with so-dee pop and Screaming Yellow Zonkers, sitting there listlessly in front of your Mac, mustering just enough energy to browse the web but not an ounce more!

Are you Apple’s bitch?

Huh?

Are you?!

Yes!

No! I mean, no! No, of course not! You may be sullen and devoid of hope in a godless and empty universe, but you are most certainly not Apple’s bitch!

So are you going to sit there and take what they’re doing to you, the faithful consumer (some of you may be pro-sumers and to you we’d like to extend a special pro-welcome!), the Apple loyalist who swallowed years of Performas and OpenDoc and PowerBooks bursting into flames in your face causing third degree burns and months of painful reconstructive surgery? And for what? FOR WHAT? A rock-solid UNIX-based operating system that vaulted the company back into the technological lead, a hardware lineup that oozes industry-leading design and a digital device that has taken the personal electronics market by storm?

IS THAT WHY YOU GOT AN EWORLD ACCOUNT, BOUGHT A NEWTON, AND SUFFERED THE DEEP, PERSONAL PAIN OF HAVING TO LATCH ON TO GUY KAWASAKI’S MAILING LIST LIKE IT WAS THE ONLY LIFE RAFT CIRCLING A SINKING OCEAN LINER IN SHARK-INFESTED WATERS?!

No! You’re madder than hell and you’re not going to take it anymore!

That’s why you’re going to…

SIGN THE ONLINE PETITION!

In the comments of this post, put your name, address, a stamped envelope and $25 in cash or certified money order, and Crazy Apple Rumors Site will do the rest. Let Apple know that you’re not going to be the faithful dog that fetches its slippers every morning only to get run over as it backs out of the driveway on the way to work!

SIGN THE ONLINE PETITION!

Some of you may be wondering just what it is that Apple has done to incur your wrath. You feel it. You know it’s there. It wakes you up in the middle of the night and leaves you quaking in rage, your jaw clenched tight, a painful wail escaping your lips, breaking the dark silence. But why?

Is your iBook on the fritz and not covered by the iBook repair program? Did they write the functionality of your shareware app into the OS? Are they suing you for putting Tiger online? For revealing details of the Mac mini? Does the lack of a screen on the iPod shuffle drive you into an uncontrollable rage? Is Jon Rubinstein sneaking into your house at night, latching onto your neck and stealing your life force? Did Nancy Heinen dump you in high school for someone with better personal hygiene? Is Avie Tevanian banging your wife?

Who cares! Your only hope to retain some shred of sanity and stand up for your rights in a world increasing ruled only by corporate greed is to…

SIGN THE ONLINE PETITION!

So click to the comments below, air your grievances with Apple and…

SIGN THE ONLINE PETITION!

Don’t delay! Time is running out!

SIGN THE ONLINE PETITION!

No Responses to “Sign The Online Petition!”

  1. greenacres says:

    One word: Tic-tacs.

  2. Switcher says:

    M&M’s ?

  3. Psyko says:

    I will not “SIGN THE ONLINE PETITION!” Never. I am an Apple fan forever. I won’ go against the company I love.

  4. Anonymous says:

    Hey…anybody forward this Jason O’Grady? I think a petition might help him release some of that hostility.

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