16 Mar 05Tiger Coming In April.


Crazy Apple Rumors Site has confirmed Think Secret’s Friday report that the next release of Mac OS X, code-named Tiger, will be released some time in April.

In addition, however, CARS has also confirmed this report from earlier last week on O’Grady’s Power Page that the company is also set to reveal a stripped-down “lite” version of OS X. Code-named Ocelot, the new OS will debut in May and will be specially designed to run on smaller hardware which, for some reason, apparently can’t run regular OS X.

Except for the Mac mini.

Hmm.

Well, anyway, Ocelot will also ship with “lite” versions of all the iLife applications that are expected to be perfect for those who don’t have much of a life and for whom iLife was overkill.

But that’s not all.

Through our most reliable sources, we have confirmed this report from Planet Newton from February of 1998 that Apple is poised to unleash a new Mac OS-based PDA platform in June.

Code-named Cougar, the operating system will sacrifice none of the features of OS X but at the same time will be eminently portable. Apparently a lot of people were complaining that OS X was very heavy which may be due to the little-know fact that it relies on more ones than zeros by a margin of nearly three to one. It’s thought that Cougar simply reverses the ones and zeros and then runs them through an inverter before they are presented to the processor.

Actually, I just made that up, but I bet that’s the way it’ll work.

But all these flavors of OS X are merely dry cake compared to the delicious icing that is coming in July.

In a feverish dream induced by taking long-expired prescription medications washed down with a mixture of Ouzo and Paul Newman’s salad dressing, the ghost of Don Crabb appeared to this CARS reporter and confirmed this report from August of 1996 that Copland is set to ship. Now code-named Sabertooth, the operating system will not actually run on any available hardware, but will be sold purely for kitsch appeal.

CARS was able to rule out the appearance of Star Trek, a version of the Mac OS for Intel, any time in the near future.

Although it has reportedly been given the new code name of Tabby Cat, for no particular reason other than to round out the set.

No Responses to “Tiger Coming In April.”

  1. Anonymous says:

    Cool, earlier than I expected.

  2. The Ring says:

    Oh, snap!

  3. tristrami says:

    three

  4. J.L.Guntee says:

    If Copland/Sabertooth ships, I will build my own computer system just to run it.

  5. Tristrami says:

    McGruder is posting stories? What’s next — Howard getting a byline?

  6. Chet:

    “little-know fact that it relies on more ones that zeros”

    … should be …

    “little-known fact that it relies on more ones than zeros”

    “Little-known” and “than.” Where’s the Spell Czech tonight? You’d think it was late or something.

  7. K.S. 2.04 says:

    eight

  8. Streetrabbit says:

    number nine, number nine, number nine

  9. 11 coming, celesta playing in the background, horses also playing.

    Where’s my fish’n’chips?

  10. PoisedNoise says:

    ELEVENTH!!! mwaahahaha

  11. 2000guitars says:

    drat you poisednoise! That elusive 11th eludes me again..

  12. 2000guitars says:

    drat you blank, the ring, tristrami, J.L.Guntee, the JoshMeister, Streetrabbit, Annoying Guy Again, PoisedNoise, and 2000guitars, for making the first post elude me again

  13. Jon says:

    Wouldn’t that would be Ouzo…?

  14. 2000guitars says:

    DRAT! Would you look at that! I dratted myself! Where’s Bill Eccles, the grammar patrol, when you really need him?

    Where’s a brain when you really need him?

  15. Tristrami says:

    “Annoying Guy”?! Physician, heal thyself.

  16. Streetrabbit says:

    AW! Star Trek would’ve been nice. And Hey! “Missing Operating System” is not that serious a problem. We could’ve found a way to live with that.

    Michael Dell’s to blame, not me.

  17. Psyko says:

    Yes, lets all blame Dell. (Not Del though, that is bad.)

    MARK

  18. Huck says:

    UNMARK

    Hah! Now how’re you gonna find your place, Psyko? Huh?!

  19. Ace Deuce says:

    And then there’s Manx, which only runs on a Casio wristwatch. The custom OS was put on a diet by substituting -1 for 1. Plus the OS seems to missing something.

    The result is that if you remove the WristMac, you must pin it to the wall or put something heavy atop it to prevent its ascension skyward.

  20. Bellidancer says:

    Drat, I was really excited about this story until I saw Chet MacGruder’s byline. Howard HAS posted stories before, but Chet?

    Oh and J.L., no need to build a computer to run Copland. Go to any elementary school and you can find teachers still using Mac LC 111s and Performa 7260/180s and even PowerMax clones. I think those computers were all from the time when Copland was being developed.

  21. Tristrami says:

    I’d like to visit “Planet Newton”!

  22. Name Withheld says:

    I’m an Apple employee deep inside the corporation and I can confirm that we have a version of OS X that runs on Palm OS. I know, it sounds crazy but it is true! It is code named “Ragdoll” and is set to release in August. Assuming that my mom will let me go outside so I can buy some blank CDs to burn it to.

  23. Flash says:

    Guys, I hope none of you actually believe anything written here that you didn’t read elsewhere. Cuz that would be really sad. Though if they could port Cougar to Palm-based PDAs…

    Now _that_ is a Project I’d Like to Code.

    That is one Hot PILC.

  24. ...House says:

    Maybe instead of Ouzo it was supposed to be “washed down with a mixture of Uzi and…”, that would explain the ability to converse with Don Crabb’s ghost….

  25. Del says:

    I believe everything I read here. Just like I believe everything in the Weekly World News.

  26. Bellidancer says:

    I am a bit more discriminating.

    I believe everything John says. Chet… not so much.

    I believe everything Del says. The rest of the maniacs here…

  27. Psyko says:

    Huck you punk. I had to reread all of the stinking comments because of you. Thanks a lot.

    Bellidancer, it is good to know you believe what I say. You’re right about those maniacs though. Can’t believe a thing they say.

    MARK

  28. appletweak says:

    go ahead. say drat again. i dare you. say it. say drat. do it.

  29. Psyko says:

    What did I tell you about coming out of the MP young identity? Oh, nothing? Well, carry on then. Drat, thought I was going to get to punish you.

    MARK

  30. Psyko says:

    Where are we supposed to vote at? Is it up yet?

    MARK

  31. Anonymous says:

    > a stripped-down “lite” version of OS X. Code-named Ocelot

    You are wrong. The small, non-dangerous version of Tiger is called Tigger.

  32. Bellidancer says:

    Drat? Gosh, do you have a problem with “drat”? Doggone it, if I can’t use an occassional swear word, how in tarnation can I express myself. Gee-whiz this site is getting all dadburned fussy. Appletweak, you just keep your goldarn prissy manners to yourself. Yes, I not only said drat, I even said darn!

  33. MARK says:

    Psyko, you really need to read more.

  34. macstansbury says:

    how come is it the second “Chet MacGruder” shows up, the page starts to look all different. or not.

    my DSL went out yesterday night, so I’ve been kinda out of it. but it looks different to me.

  35. appletweak says:

    you had to push it didn’t you. where will it end? hmmm? first ‘drat’, then ‘darn’, what’s next? I CAN’T TAKE THE NEVER-ENDING POTTY-MOUTHEDNESS THAT IS CARS! PLEASE STOP!

    Okay, I’m over it. It’s just that, well, ‘drat’ spelled backwards is ‘tard’ and I’m really sensitive about that. I’m also sensitive to sunlight, light breezes that smell like cheese and particulary sensitive about things that rhyme with Wankle Rotary Engine. So please, don’t mention the Wankle Rotary Engine.

  36. Del says:

    If you don’t like the cheese smell how do you stand the Mega-Post?

  37. Evil Boys Choir says:

    Wankle Rotary Engine Wankle Rotary Engine Wankle Rotary Engine Wankle Rotary Engine Wankle Rotary Engine

    Wankle Rotary Engine Wankle Rotary Engine Wankle Rotary Engine Wankle Rotary Engine Wankle Rotary Engine

    Wankle Rotary Engine Wankle Rotary Engine Wankle Rotary Engine Wankle Rotary Engine Wankle Rotary Engine

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    Wankle Rotary Engine Wankle Rotary Engine Wankle Rotary Engine Wankle Rotary Engine Wankle Rotary Engine

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    Wankle Rotary Engine Wankle Rotary Engine Wankle Rotary Engine Wankle Rotary Engine Wankle Rotary Engine

  38. Del says:

    Ahh they’re visible now everyone take your shots while you can.

    I told you if we just waited long enough the choir would get cocky and become visible. Come on lads don’t waste your chance our time is now!

  39. adam says:

    Still waiting for OS X “Margay”

  40. Streetrabbit says:

    I heard the much touted Thought Controlled OS X (Top Cat)was shelved because all it did was randomly surf porn and PILC sites.

    They’re not so evil when they’re visible. Or are they more evil? I don’t know.

  41. Ace Deuce says:

    Mr. Wankel is unhappy about the misconstruction of his name.

    And the Rotarians are upset about the misappropriation of their name.

    Ahh, the turmoil of our times…

  42. I’m beginning to think that the best writing at this site takes place in the comments.

    Am I wrong?

  43. Streetrabbit says:

    We are the Morlock, CARS is the Eloi that feeds us.

    I’ve got a better analogy in my head but I can’t put proper words to it. Something about bees and smoke.

  44. Psyko says:

    Oh they are very much so more evil when they are visible. All the effort they are saving by not being invisible is spent on evilisity. Del, don’t make them mad.

    MARK

    Btw, you guys posted way too much while I was gone. I didn’t appreciate having to read all of that.

    MARK

    I just realized that my life could really start to suck if somebody unmarked me in the MP. I shudder at the thought.

    MARK

  45. MARK says:

    I want my camels back now, Psyko. NOW, I SAID!

    You’ve played with them too much. See, now they’re liquor salted, instead of… wait, what am I trying to say? Just give me my goddamn camels.

  46. Psyko says:

    Die fool.

  47. Psyko says:

    (I didn’t “MARK” just for you btw. Figured I had better tell you that.)

    MARK