With the announcement of the Mac mini at January’s Macworld San Francisco, the League of Evil Pundits was dealt a serious blow to its continuing efforts to hold back the progress of Apple.
In their secret lair hidden under a volcano on a remote tropic island, John C. Dvorak, Paul Thurrott, Richard Brooks, some guy from the Chicago Tribune with a prodigious scar vertically traversing a lidless left eye, a leather-clad woman smoking a cigarette from a long black holder and several others discussed their next move.
After years of proclaiming that Apple must release an affordable Mac, the League of Evil Pundits is currently at a loss as to where to turn next for an insurmountable hurdle to set for the company.
“I really didn’t think they could do it,” said the guy with the scar over his eye. “Their margins have to be somewhat higher to support their higher R&D costs per unit. A $500 Mac? It’s just insane.”
“Ha-ha! Ah-ha-ha-ha!” cackled the woman smoking the cigarette.
“Um… don’t pay any attention to her,” the guy with the scar said. “She’s insane.”
Drinking the blood of a freshly killed kitten, Dvorak thundered “Steve Jobs will pay for the humiliation he has heaped upon me!” possibly referring to a modestly favorable article he wrote about the Mac mini.
“He shall pay most dearly! My next column with be doubly scathing! The game’s not over, Mr. Jobs! Nooooo! The game is just beginning! Ha-ha! Ha-ha-ha! Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha!”
His laughter trailing off unconvincingly, Dvorak cried out to a flying monkey dressed in a tuxedo, “Bring me more kittens!”
Some in the League feel that it may be time to move on to more important issues and forget their obsession with bashing Apple.
“Personally, I’d like to start bashing Linux,” said a brain in cylinder mounted on a crab-like mechanical device. His suggestion elicited a chorus of groans from the other pundits.
“Oh, he’s been saying that ever since Linus Torvalds defeated his human body in mortal combat, forcing him to live as a disembodied brain,” Thurrott said, idly dismembering some bunnies.
Most members of the League are currently leaning toward demanding that Apple convert to Intel, while a small minority are for forcing the company to open up the iPod for licensing.
The woman smoking the cigarette favored making Steve Jobs eat his own liver. The other pundits where unsure which publication she wrote for.