06 Apr 05Lesser-Known WWDC Sessions.

Apple has posted the schedule of sessions for its upcoming Worldwide Developer Conference (this year’s theme: celebrating the unsung white, male developer!). While the banner event will be sessions such as “What’s New for Tiger” and, uh, “Getting the Most Out of Cocoa Bindings” (oh, please, like I don’t get the most out of Cocoa bindings already), Apple has a number of lesser-known offerings that attendees should also consider.

Let’s take a look.

  • So, You’re A Pasty, Overweight Guy Living In Your Parent’s Basement… – Explores the issues most important to developers, such as “How do I meet chicks when I rarely venture outside the confines of my musty hovel?” and “When does the next season of Battlestar Galactica start?”
  • Developing Java Cocoa Classic Apps in Objective C for Enterprise Workgroup Deployment on Distributed XServe Clustered Server Environments for Developing Java Cocoa Classic Apps in Objective C – This recursive class will teach you everything you need to know about everything you need to know, n times.
  • How Mac OS X Is A Flawlessly Secure Operating System That Was Delivered Unto Us By God Himself – presented by Jack Campbell.
  • Developing for the Newton OS – This class will be an attempt to lure in people who are still developing applications for the Newton in order to give them an intervention.
  • Advanced Hypercard Stacks For OS 9 – This is another Trojan listing like the one above, except attendees in this class will be herded into a corner where Apple employees will poke at them with sharp sticks.
  • Using Soap for Developers – Please note that this is “Soap” not “SOAP”. Not an acronym, fellas. Some of you are… a little ripe. Whew.
  • Python on Mac OS X – Snake infestation on your Mac is no laughing matter. Apple Vice President of Developer Relations and licensed snake handler Ron Okamoto will show you what to do when the hissing starts. Warning: first three rows will get sprayed with venom!
  • Python on Mac OS X – ’70s British humor troop Monty Python’s Flying Circus is one laughing matter! Regular cut-up and Python fan Andy Ihnatko will show you how to get original Python episodes onto your Mac for hours of humorous viewing enjoyment. Warning: first three rows will get sprayed with blancmange!
  • Phil! – Last year’s most popular session is back! Phil Schiller’s one-man show will make you laugh, it’ll make you cry, it’ll make your shareware application far more marketable! Come see what critic Tom Shales hailed as “A developer conference session tour de force! If you see one session this WWDC, make it Phil!

Developers are advised to book early, as these sessions tend to fill up fast.

No Responses to “Lesser-Known WWDC Sessions.”

  1. Ace deuce says:


  2. John Moltz says:

    So, I guess that would be Ace ace.

  3. jimmy says:

    Seriously, Mr Campbell is going to get paranoid if you keep mentioning him every day. Oops, sorry. Never mind.

  4. daload says:

    search flickr for daload!!!?!L”:!L!”:L@!@

  5. Ace Deuce says:

    WWDC is not for the likes of me. I’ve done a little scripting, but I couldn’t program my way out of an OS X package. The only thing I’ve ever developed at the keyboard is a kink in my wrist. There have been times that I’ve been somewhat object oriented, but now I have a real relationship with a flesh and blood person.

    Oh, and sixth!

  6. snowboard101 says:

    Hey, lucky 7! It’s my first post too! And I even read the article…

  7. snowboard101 says:

    Bummer – I mean 8 and 9 (=17)

  8. Ace Deuce says:

    Mr. Moltz, I am so happy to have clinched the coveted first post, mainly because it is my understanding that you will now send me a cash prize!

    Due to the weak US dollar, we are not accepting Canadian currency at this time.


  9. Streetrabbit says:

    Very funny.

    However I for one won’t be shelling out for Tiger. I mean look at those guys in the photo!

    Five of them have their hands in their pockets.

    Four of them have their shirts untucked.

    And none of them is wearing a tie.

    Then there’s the guy with his hands on his ASS!

    And they’re all Presidents, Managers, Directors…where’re the “Pasty, Overweight” pizza chomping coke swilling coders?

    Let’s see a page dedicated to the hundreds of those guys Apple!

  10. leftshoe says:

    I thought all the pasty overweight white guys ran windows………

    hey, when does the next season of Battlestar Galactica start?

  11. Anonymous says:

    Since pythons are constrictors, I take it the venom is being spewed on the developers just for fun?

  12. PoisedNoise says:

    Oooh Moltzy, you just got BURNED! By someone who considers it beneath him/herself even to leave their name… 🙂

  13. Ace Deuce says:

    Hey, remember that episode of Battlestar Galactica where Commander Adams uses the Time Travel Girdle to search for his ancestors? He needs some DNA or something–anyway, the four-dimensional navigation system malfunctions, and he finds himself in Calico County, New Mexico in 1878, lost and dazed. A friendly blacksmith named Charley takes pity on him (“seems like I know this feller from somewhere”) and offers to take him to Minnesota where his forebears should be. After a long horse ride, they pull into Walnut Grove and start asking around, but they can’t find any relatives. Hungry and destitute, they do odd jobs for a local farmer named Charles Ingalls, who provides room and board. However there is an plowing accident and Charley’s leg is nearly severed from his body. Commander Adams uses the TTG in an effort to save the blacksmith’s life by vaulting them 100 years forward. Mr. Ingalls stands too close and finds himself with the Commander and Charley in front of San Francisco Memorial Hospital. As luck would have it, Dr. Trapper John, the Chief of Surgery, is coming down the steps as they materialize. He immediately pulls out his kit and reattaches the leg. The time-travelling trio thanks him profusely and asks him how they can repay him. He looks at them, and says, “Pa! Little Joe! Hoss! I thought I’d never see you again! I say we head up to Tahoe and celebrate! But first, let’s get some chow over at Hop Sing’s.”

  14. April VII says:

    Another lesser known offering:

    • Developing posts longer than the article—when to use paragraph breaks.

  15. UhhhDude says:

    Wait! What about a seminar on “How to Program Your Sexbot”? I think that’s important.

    That, and pie.


  16. Paul says:

    Brings new meaning to the words “In-depth. Hands-on. Comprehensive,” doesn’t it, StreetRabbit?

  17. Bellidancer says:

    Now I’m sorry I won’t be going to WWDC. I had no idea the offerings would be so relevant!

  18. Del says:

    The scary thing is that this sounds like the schedule of almost every Sci-Fi/Linux Convention I’ve ever been to!

    (And I’m not talking Media Con’s, I’m not that much of a geek!)

  19. greenacres says:

    Brilliant Ace Deuce, brilliant. But what if Laura Ingall’s sister, Mary (I think), was impregnated with…oh, never mind. Now we’re getting ridiculous.

  20. Streetrabbit says:

    Can I just say, I’ve been to a couple of Microsoft Techeds and let me tell you there was no Custard Served or Hot Cocoa, just finger food and ham sandwiches.

    Sorry did I say Microsoft? Evil Empire Techeds that’s what I meant.

  21. Anonymous says:

    How do I figure out which Python session is which? British comedy I could really go for, but snakes just creep me out, so I don’t want to end up in the wrong one.

    Aww, screw it. I’m going to “Phil!” instead.

  22. appletweak says:

    Other sessions I’d personally like to see:

    – Answering [sort of] Flattering Offhand Remarks About Your Super Sleek PowerBook from Envious Windows Users :: Session will help users deal with comments like, ‘Gee (duh…drool) the screen on your ‘puter’s really big, huh?’ and ‘Is that a Mac, it looks a little like a Dell I saw once’. Violence is NOT the only option!

    – Script Kitties :: Think your cat is not coding on your Mac? Learn to about the fastest growing hacker segment on the market and how to avoid the resulting keyboard hairballs, gritty kitty in the cooling fans and more.

    – Spam, Why the Bad Rap?…Explore this tasty, can-shaped faux-meat product in more detail and learn why it’s now produced exclusively in Nigeria.

    – Beginning iPod Shuffle…Learn which songs will peg you as a complete social outcast and which say, ‘hmmm, this hoopy cool frood really knows where his towel is at!’.

  23. appletweak says:

    Oooh, thought of another one:

    – Dealing with First Post Rejection :: Ever push the post button, only to have your dreams crushed by some upstart who was just sitting there hitting the refresh button (yeah, THAT guy has a life), or have your post actually revoked by the site author? We’ll delve into the higher meaning of first post and how you can deal with second, third and so on. And, to make you feel better, there’ll be pie.

  24. Del says:

    appletweak I never thought that my kitties might be sitting at home practicing their leet scripting skills. It was bad enough when they were selling their kitten-fu to the highest bidder but now they are hacking!

    All that time they spend staring at my screen I thought they were intrigued by the moving cursor now it seems they were learning the skills they need to dominate the world. WE’RE DOOMED… Say I wonder if they can help me with that sed/awk script that I’ve been pulling my hair out over. Maybe I’ll take a can of tuna home today.

  25. appletweak says:

    Yeap, Del, it’s true, you can’t continue living in denial. Your kitties are the harbingers of pain, death and suffering. What’s worse is they are so darn cute. If only you can convince them to use their powers for good and not evil…

    Good luck, the tuna should help, but if you attempt to remove them from the Mac (they NEVER code on a PC, that’s something a DOG might do), you may need protective gear: http://www.crownfalconry.co.uk/gloves_jesses.htm

  26. MARK says:

    “Hoss, Little Joe! Get the spaceships in a circle, the Cylons are attacking!”

    I’m so glad the new Galactica doesn’t suck.

  27. Hobbs says:

    11:43 CST. Still no sign of Tiger!

    Last post!

  28. The First Mac Virus In The Wild says:

    Please perform the following steps as soon as possible.

    1. Forward this email to everyone in your address book.

    2. Delete all the data in your home folder.


    The First Mac Virus In The Wild

  29. Brian says:

    Uhm, what time does the recursive class of “Developing Java Cocoa Classic Apps in Objective C for Enterprise Workgroup Deployment on Distributed XServe Clustered Server Environments for Developing Java Cocoa Classic Apps in Objective C” start and how long does it last?

  30. You forgot the most important sessoin of all.

    Online Porn. A Hand-On Session.


  31. Sexbot Union Rep says:

    Due to the lack of Sexbot programming sessions at Apple’s WWDC show we have decided to hold our own conference next year.

    It will be called Sexbots And You – the International Tradeshow (S.A.Y.I.T.) There will be engaging sessions at S.A.Y.I.T. like those on the emerging topic of Sexbot Integration Nanotechnology (S.I.N.), community events like the hot Sexbot Enterprise eXperience (S.E.X.), and wild entertainment extravaganzas like the ever popular

    Sexbot Bash to Dance and Drink to you Drown (S.B.D-3).

    Oh yes, and there will be “Phil II” – the moving sequel to “Phil” with a new climatic finale where Phil and a thousand Sexbots writhe to tunes composed by Andrew Lloyd Webber!!

    Be there or be organic

    (note: if you don’t like our silly acronyms too bad, we are late for a hot Sexbot meeting and short on time to be really funny :-p)

  32. Steve Jobs says:


    Shouldn’t that be BSD-3?

    Bash Sexbot Dance to Drink ’til you Down?

  33. Andrew says:

    Developing for the Newton OS

    Wow. Just what I need. I have a two messagepad 2100s and still use NTK and MPW to program them!

  34. Forezt says:

    Actually that’s interesting because the Python programming language was named after Monty Python.

    From the Python FAQ:

    1.1.16 Why is it called Python?

    At the same time he began implementing Python, Guido van Rossum was also reading the published scripts from “Monty Python’s Flying Circus” (a BBC comedy series from the seventies, in the unlikely case you didn’t know). It occurred to him that he needed a name that was short, unique, and slightly mysterious, so he decided to call the language Python.