Microsoft spent considerable effort this week attempting to distract the technology industry and the general public from Tiger’s upcoming release by scheduling media events focusing on Longhorn, which is still over a year and a half away from being released.
Despite the already prodigious effort, Crazy Apple Rumors Site has learned that the company intends to keep up the pressure next week, conducting the following activities in a continued attempt to attract attention to itself.
- Standing on the edge of a diving board and yelling “Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!” until the technology industry looks.
- Drinking way too much, calling its old girlfriend in a futile attempt to get back together and then sobbing and apologizing before hanging up and spending the rest of the night on the floor of the bathroom.
- Hovering finger in front of technology industry, noting that it is not touching the technology industry and asking if that bugs the technology industry.
- Running with scissors while flailing its arms in the air and yelling “La-la-la-la-la-la-la!”
- Taking hostages in a Denny’s and forcing them to watch as it consumes five Grand Slam breakfasts. Then attempting to run a police blockade in its ’74 Charger before getting gunned down in a corn field after the car runs out of gas outside Tulsa.
- Creating a media circus by announcing it’s running for public office and then tearfully dropping out of the race two days later amid allegations of an inappropriate relationship with a 19-year-old cabana boy.
- Getting its nipples pierced.
Apple has not announced if it has any plans to counter Microsoft’s barrage with any cries for attention of its own. However, several sources indicate that the company has been practicing that trick where you spin plates on top of long sticks.