03 May 05Lame Tiger Festivities Put Off Purchasers.


According to sources throughout the Macintosh community, a number of completely lame Tiger festivities carried out at Apple Stores over the weekend have caused some people to postpone purchasing Tiger.

At the SoHo Store alone, sources indicate that being forced to watch a man in a cat suit dance to “Eye of the Tiger” [Editor’s Note: CARS accurately reported weeks ago that this reflects Avie Tevanian’s influence] caused over 100 people to turn around and go home, including Mac professional Damien Barrett.

“I was really looking forward to picking up my copy of Tiger,” Barrett said. “But suddenly it’s like I’m at a Star Trek convention.

“And not a Manhattan convention. One at the airport Marriott outside Spokane where the headliner is Neelix. It was that kind of pain.

“Or maybe even the Shilo Inn between Sioux City and Sioux Falls featuring Commodore Matt Decker. I don’t know. I may still be in too much shock to actually accurately convey the lameness.”

Regardless of the specific level of lameness, Barrett felt compelled to leave.

“Panther’s fine. No really. I’m good.”

Across the nation, the Tiger-related lameness spread like a wildfire that was, instead of wild, lame. From tiger-attired customers to overly heartfelt paeans to the Mac OS, a disturbing cloud of lameness quickly settled around Tiger’s launch.

By Sunday, while many hundreds of thousands had actually endured the pain and purchased Tiger, many others had demurred.

Apple has taken notice and will be launching an aggressive campaign of anti-lameness as early as this weekend, in order to counteract the damage. Anyone who is cool has been asked to report to the Apple campus immediately.

49 Responses to “Lame Tiger Festivities Put Off Purchasers.”

  1. K.S. 3.0.3 says:

    two!~

  2. davidmac says:

    darn it soo close!

    second it is then

  3. ...House says:

    Ni!

  4. davidmac says:

    doh, third and now fourth

  5. ...House says:

    Arrrgh! Not even gonna try to claim a number (again) at this point.

  6. John Moltz says:

    Ah, davidmac. Always a bridesmaid, never a bride.

  7. chuckles the clown says:

    Yowza. Top ten.

  8. ...House says:

    Yikes! I just read the MacCentral news article – did they intentionally publish the lamest-sounding quotes they could come up with?! Yeesh!

    (and I don’t even wanna think about the whole tiger-suited dancing – ahhhh, the humanity!)

  9. davidmac says:

    i think i will just give up now

    or claim the (n)th post

  10. UhhhDude says:

    Ninthththth. And totally lame, too.

  11. UhhhDude says:

    Whoa nelly! I just got Eleventh Post{TM}! I am no longer lame! I am totally cool!

    Wait. Do they still say “cool,” or is that like totally lame? Consarn these kids nowadays…

  12. Streetrabbit says:

    I can’t believe davidmac posted in the same minute as eleventh and got tenth.

    What a night! There’s always tomorrow.

  13. Jon says:

    Yeah, well I got stuck with fourteenth.

  14. Aaron says:

    The song’s been running through my head too, but unfortunately the only lyrics I know are from the Al Yankovic version.

    (“You can have your roast beef on the rye… or the kaiser”)

    mmm, roast beef. With mustard, just like the color of the Crazy Apple Rumors Site.

  15. Ace Deuce says:

    Umpteenth!

    I bought Tiger on Friday. Now I can honestly say I bought it before it was cool.

  16. K.S. 3.0.4 says:

    SIGN THE ONLINE PETITION!!!

    SIGN THE ONLINE PETITION!!!

    to find out where our thursdays post inside apple went

    SIGN THE ONLINE PETITION!!!

  17. 2000guitars says:

    …spread like a lamefire… just doesn’t have the same ring to it does it?

    way to go moltz

    anytime you can bring back the “eye of the tiger” theme life is good…

  18. scared monster says:

    I now can agree I was the stupid boy who tried to have a free Mac OS 8 version, all dressed up in an e(i)gg(ht).

    Just have fun, go on, mock me.

    I don’t want to have something to do with your ever-out-of-fashion tigers or jaguars, cats or horn-beasts. Someday the Big Wheel will turn, and it will be me tha master of all of you.

    Now, could you stop talking about animals?

  19. TheWereSloth says:

    Sometimes I’m actually glad that there’s not an apple store nearby.

    Honestly, I’m all for evangelizing the platform, but I would emphasize the Star Trek convention reference. No one ever became a Star Trek fan because they saw some geek wearing Spock ears.

    pffft…..losers

  20. Dr Schpock says:

    Actually I am wearing theses oversized ears and a blue pajama, and I have to confess I didn’t ever see any of the Star Trek TV thing. I just find it cool. I have some difficulties with the Beatles haircut, but that’s not the point.

  21. Huck says:

    *Signs petition*

    The people have a right to know!

    Declassify Thursday’s post!

  22. einsteindrei says:

    I came to work and I have a HP machine, payed too little to afford a Mac and will soon go to an empty home because wife left me.

  23. Del says:

    Hey I’ve been asked to report to the Apple Campus for a major party this weekend. Does anyone know if they are gonna have that lame guy in the tiger suit again? If they are I am so not going. Apple’s parties lately have sucked. I mean the police didn’t even get called out to the last two and the Invisible Boys Choir keeps showing up completely wasted so you can’t even be entertained by their singing.

    Apple really needs to step up because the Linux parties are really starting to kick their collective butts. The last Linux party I went to a couple weekends ago we went through 4 kegs in one night and coffee flowed like water. (There was also caffeinated beer which completely rocked.) I didn’t leave until Sunday.

    A guy in a tiger suit? What were you thinking!

  24. Bellidancer says:

    I made a special trip to an Apple Store for the launch of Panther. Know what I got? DOG TAGS! Apple launches have been lame, lame, lame. I went to a lousy “Health Fair” last week and got better swag. Maybe launch coolness is inversely proportional to the coolness of the product. Maybe Apple execs think Tiger is soooo cool there is no need to make a special deal of the launch. You realize what that means, at the “Longhorn” launch MS will be giving away sports cars and SUVs to everyone who buys a copy!

    And Del, I won’t comment on why Linux parties have been better than Mac parties.

  25. Streetrabbit says:

    You can see a rabbit in a tiger suit at the DelSpeak 0.0.3, ah what the hell 1.0, launch.

    Actually it’s not a suit.

    Boy did that tiger get the meaning of goes like a bunny.

  26. The Petition is hereby signed by the likeness of me!

    But I have already subverted the powers-that-be in an attempt to suppress information. That’s right: I’ve recovered the missing article, and thrown it into the Internets’ ultimate chamber-pot-o-subversion, Freenet! If you have the client, simply go to the following key, and then try to help me figure out what exactly was so incriminating about the article that it had to be removed!

    SSK@ji8BIBl8KZSZ9L-JejkjE-HqDXcPAgM,BxLE~wlJ9-OhU3dLkvHqJw/cars-censorship//index.html

    Be prepared to wait a few hours for it to load, because that’s just how Freenet is. But such is the cost of essential liberty. You can’t hide the truth! Information wants to be free!

    — [FIA:Læther]

    COOKIE!

  27. Del says:

    A new version of DelSpeak!!!!

    I will be playing with it all day. Of course I played with the old version all day as well.

    .od selggot dna ,synottub ,seidils eht lla tahw nrael nac I os elifpleh eht daer ot deen I

    .erutaef erutuf a taht sI ?nekorb ti sI .gnihtyna od ot mees t’nseod ti tub “gnihtoN seoD tahT nottuB giB ehT” eht gnikcilc peek I

    !skcor noci wen eht sulP .kaepSleD YAY

    !ynihs dna ,sredils dna ,selggot dna ,snottub fo hcnub a sah ti tub ,od serutaef wen eht lla tahw niatrec ton m’I

    .serutaef wen eht lla ekil I .ytfin yrev si tI

    .kaepS leD weN eht gnisu tsoP tsriF

  28. Del says:

    That is a good point Bellidancer. I am not certain though if getting a new car is worth having to buy Longhorn. It is a cheap way to get a new vehicle, but is it worth condemning your soul to eternal torment?

  29. Del says:

    Here is a recipe courtesy of Rob Balder amazing Filker (Sci-fi Folk music) and online comic. He’s very funny (and cute I might add). This recipe is guaranteed to liven up any Apple party.

    The Apple iDrunk

    Fill a blender with ice. Add HALF a can of frozen concentrated apple juice, 8 oz Absolut Raspberry, 4 oz. Midori, and 4 oz. Black Haus. Blend until smooth. If you blend it smooth and do not see a vortex form, it is too thick. Add water slowly while blending, until vortex forms. Serves 3 or 4 in 20 oz party cups.

    The Apple iDrunk. Drink Thifferent.

    http://www.partiallyclips.com

  30. Commodore Matt Decker: Didn’t he pilot a shuttle craft into the Cornucopia of Death. Giving Kirk the idea to do the same but with some big ass broken down Enterprise look-a-like ship?

  31. Del says:

    Does anyone else find it frightening that Crazy Apple Rumors seems to be more accurate than most other Rumor sites?

  32. Bellidancer says:

    Not frightening, it just confirms that the world is absurd. Sure life is serious, but, as Crazy Apple Rumors makes so crystal clear, you can’t take life seriously.

  33. Cool Guy says:

    Sorry folks, no time to post now. I gotta get over to the Apple Campus.

  34. John C. Randolph says:

    I was wondering what the Fonz was doing in the IL 1 lobby today… Thanks for filling us in!

    -jcr

  35. John C. Randolph says:

    I was wondering what the Fonz was doing in the IL 1 lobby today… Thanks for filling us in!

    -jcr

  36. K.S. 3.0.5 says:

    anyone have the thursday’s post that can post it in the mega-post, so everyone can enjoy democracy, not just people with a pentium 2 processor or better?

  37. Glaarku Schrodinger says:

    A/UX was installed from 50 floppies…

    Tiger arrived on one DVD.

    Or did it?

    Think about it, won’t you? Thank you.

  38. Butt of the Ass says:

    Dressing up in an animal costume and dancing to an awful song of yore is nowhere near as lame as jockeying for post position. I can’t deal with it anymore. Say what you like, ’cause I won’t be looking at the comments ever again. The sheer inanity of “First!” “Second!” “Duh… one… two… uh… Fourth!” may literally kill me. Wankers.

  39. Streetrabbit says:

    Butt of the Ass is right. What are we doing to ourselves?

    It used to be about the fun and the poetry. Somehow we lost our way, blinded by the promise of free cheese for a top ten post.

    But no more, sure I’ll miss the massages and freedom of the house nights at The Lash Pit that came with eleventh and the number seven hamsters, but from now on it’s serious commenting only from me.

    Starting tomorrow.

    39th

  40. ...House says:

    Pure poetry at its unadulterated finest, Streetrabbit (we’ll, uh, save the adultery for the MP). Tomorrow we shall be quit of wanker-dom, free from puerile post-positioning, and dispose of the hobbling shackles of our sheer shamefulness…. Tomorrow….

    40th!

  41. Ace Deuce says:

    You guys are so right. I was gonna post first on the next edition, but instead I’m going to watch reruns of The Sopranos with my wife. Competition is ruining our wonderful community. Gung ho!

    [Forty-first post!]

  42. jinzo012 says:

    Quick question Can I get the next post semi-related to Elton John?

  43. jinzo012 says:

    I’ll give you A G-Mail account 😉

  44. Streetrabbit says:

    You know Apple still haven’t got it right. I showed up at Apple Campus wearing my best…(what passes for trendy clothes these days? Help me someone.)

    Anyway I waited in line and Ron Johnson was on the door but the only people who were getting in were wearing brown polyester.

  45. Bellidancer says:

    This obsessive competition is getting old and tiresome. I think we should all just give it a rest. Goodnight (or good morning as the case maybe) everyone. Let’s all give the site a rest.

  46. Bellidancer says:

    anyone here?….. everyone gone?….

    anyone?????

    WhooHooo!!! I’m going to get it this time!!

  47. Streetrabbit says:

    Make it memorable Bellidancer.

  48. TheHolyMacintosh says:

    ARE

    YOU

    INSULTING

    SIOUX CITY?!?!?!

    Actually, it’s kind of a ghetto… nevermind