According to sources throughout the Macintosh community, a number of completely lame Tiger festivities carried out at Apple Stores over the weekend have caused some people to postpone purchasing Tiger.
At the SoHo Store alone, sources indicate that being forced to watch a man in a cat suit dance to “Eye of the Tiger” [Editor’s Note: CARS accurately reported weeks ago that this reflects Avie Tevanian’s influence] caused over 100 people to turn around and go home, including Mac professional Damien Barrett.
“I was really looking forward to picking up my copy of Tiger,” Barrett said. “But suddenly it’s like I’m at a Star Trek convention.
“And not a Manhattan convention. One at the airport Marriott outside Spokane where the headliner is Neelix. It was that kind of pain.
“Or maybe even the Shilo Inn between Sioux City and Sioux Falls featuring Commodore Matt Decker. I don’t know. I may still be in too much shock to actually accurately convey the lameness.”
Regardless of the specific level of lameness, Barrett felt compelled to leave.
“Panther’s fine. No really. I’m good.”
Across the nation, the Tiger-related lameness spread like a wildfire that was, instead of wild, lame. From tiger-attired customers to overly heartfelt paeans to the Mac OS, a disturbing cloud of lameness quickly settled around Tiger’s launch.
By Sunday, while many hundreds of thousands had actually endured the pain and purchased Tiger, many others had demurred.
Apple has taken notice and will be launching an aggressive campaign of anti-lameness as early as this weekend, in order to counteract the damage. Anyone who is cool has been asked to report to the Apple campus immediately.