Crazy Apple Rumors Site offers the following apologies and regrets in accordance with a federally-mandated court order and as part of several plea bargains with the European Union.
Ha-ha! Oh, man, did we get drunk that time in Berlin! Whoooo! Ha-ha! Yessir! Ha! Oh, my god! We were so drunk we had to get Howard to drive! Because you never give dogs alcohol. Mostly because of the gas. So, he’s going down the Autoban at like 120 MPH and we pass this busload of British retirees on holiday and Ugluk decides to moon them! Ha-ha! Now, remember, Howard doesn’t have any thumbs, so when Ugluk sticks his butt out the window… um…
Well. Anyway. That’s one of the things for which we apologize.
- On several instances over the past six months we have referred to Tiger as “a large, carnivorous feline found in parts of Asia and Africa.” And, once, as “a big, man-eating kitty.” This should have read “an advanced operating system featuring file search capabilities and 64-bit technology.” These references have been fixed and we apologize for the errors.
- Last week’s post about the thing with the guy who was suggesting the stuff and all was posted without knowledge about the other guy and the implications that the first guy had on the second guy because of his deal. This entry has been removed and we regret having posted it.
- We’re all sitting here drinking shots of cheap rum laced with children’s Tylenol and ground-up Pez (Chet calls them “Candikazes”). This is almost certainly a mistake that we will regret in a couple of hours, if not sooner.
- In general, we just seem to get a lot of really, really bad information and we just slap it up onto the site without thinking. I dunno. I think we’re just trying to get some attention, you know? Is that too much to ask? Huh? [sigh] We’re sorry.
- Buying that huge cheese wheel to keep in the break room for people to snack on was a mistake. Now everyone’s all blocked up. It has been disposed of by taking it to a remote location and detonating it with several pounds of C4 explosive.
- We bought all that crap from the Sharper Image catalog and it came yesterday. It’s just crap. It’s just a bunch of gadgety crap we don’t need. We’d send it back, but we already broke the little helicopter and we can’t find the 3-in-one flashlight, Swiss army knife and socket set. The only thing we like is the classic football game where the field vibrates and it moves the guys around. That doesn’t work at all, so it’s exactly like the originals.
- Our Family Pack edition of Tiger arrived today and we danced around like a bunch of idiots for five minutes singing “WE ARE FAM-I-LY!” You know, it seemed kitschy and funny at the time, sort like it was OK because we knew it wasn’t cool, you know? But… now… Phew. I just don’t think any mitigating factor that makes that OK.
CARS continues to strive to learn from its mistakes and turn itself into the best darn Apple rumors and alien lesbian ninja-themed site on the Mac web.