CARS Apple Patent Watch.

We normally don’t so obviously riff off another rumor site’s schtick, but Think Secret’s Apple Patent Watch today was so poorly researched that we felt compelled to respond.

Yes, Think Secret does a modest job of discussing the rather mundane patents, such as the iPod belt clip and a laptop power adapter. But clearly their limited understanding of technical matters hamstrings them pretty quickly.

In addition to the patents Think Secret discussed, Apple has also filed for patents on the following:

  • Genetically bred killer muskrats – Patent 6,901,320 is the killer app for 2006. If by “app” you mean “muskrat.” By splicing the genes of great white sharks onto ordinary muskrats, Apple has created a fearsome beast indeed. With a horde of these vicious but cuddly water-loving rodents at its beck and call, Apple will be a fearsome force in the technology industry. Plus, they’re great with children. Oddly.
  • Hot Wheels-Compatible Computer Housing – Patent 6,901,321 will give future Power Macs full Hot Wheels compatibility. Consisting of a series of wedge-shaped pieces of plastic, any standard Hot Wheels track will snap on to a Power Mac, making it… the bossest ramp for racing Hot Wheels ever.
  • Extreme Pudding – Patent 6,901,348 indicates that it covers something akin to pudding, only more so. We’ll be keeping our eye on this one.
  • Farscape – D’Argo’s Return – Application 20050091614 is actually just a bunch of Farscape fan fiction by Rubinstein that got put into the wrong envelope and sent to the patent office. Meanwhile, look for a Scifi Channel miniseries next year about a video iPod.

And then there were a whole bunch about wires and gates and sockets and stuff that we didn’t understand.