05 May 05CARS Apple Patent Watch.

We normally don’t so obviously riff off another rumor site’s schtick, but Think Secret’s Apple Patent Watch today was so poorly researched that we felt compelled to respond.

Yes, Think Secret does a modest job of discussing the rather mundane patents, such as the iPod belt clip and a laptop power adapter. But clearly their limited understanding of technical matters hamstrings them pretty quickly.

In addition to the patents Think Secret discussed, Apple has also filed for patents on the following:

  • Genetically bred killer muskrats – Patent 6,901,320 is the killer app for 2006. If by “app” you mean “muskrat.” By splicing the genes of great white sharks onto ordinary muskrats, Apple has created a fearsome beast indeed. With a horde of these vicious but cuddly water-loving rodents at its beck and call, Apple will be a fearsome force in the technology industry. Plus, they’re great with children. Oddly.
  • Hot Wheels-Compatible Computer Housing – Patent 6,901,321 will give future Power Macs full Hot Wheels compatibility. Consisting of a series of wedge-shaped pieces of plastic, any standard Hot Wheels track will snap on to a Power Mac, making it… the bossest ramp for racing Hot Wheels ever.
  • Extreme Pudding – Patent 6,901,348 indicates that it covers something akin to pudding, only more so. We’ll be keeping our eye on this one.
  • Farscape – D’Argo’s Return – Application 20050091614 is actually just a bunch of Farscape fan fiction by Rubinstein that got put into the wrong envelope and sent to the patent office. Meanwhile, look for a Scifi Channel miniseries next year about a video iPod.

And then there were a whole bunch about wires and gates and sockets and stuff that we didn’t understand.

No Responses to “CARS Apple Patent Watch.”

  1. weedle says:

    First Post!

  2. Senator K says:

    Oh what luck! Second! Thank you Buddha!

  3. Pablo says:



  4. Aimon says:


  5. Jon says:

    Whaddya mean, “fifth”?

  6. Chuckles the clown says:

    Yow! Top ten again!

  7. Streetrabbit says:

    So now we know the bastard responsible for the spinning beach ball.

    Still resisting childish post numbering.

  8. PoisedNoise says:

    Loooove that Hot Wheels patent.

    I may have to cancel that new G5 I have on order and wait for the new _new_ model…

  9. Sledge says:

    Wooo Hooo Top 9 !

  10. K.S. 3.0.7 says:



    The Army of Truth (TM)

    current project: explanation of last thursdays post


  11. Zeb says:

    Top ten…NO WAY!

  12. Bellidancer says:

    Cool Story!

    I want one of those muskrat! But since CA won’t even allow ferrets in the state, the chance of getting these killer bio engineered rodents is probably nil.

    Hey, Redmond is in kind of a wet marshy, lake filled area, right? It sounds way too obvious, but, wow, this could be soooo cool!

    I can just hear it:

    Steve: I hear you’ve been talking trash about Tiger again.

    Bill: Hehe. Stevie, I was talking to a few friends.

    Steve: Your claim Tiger has copied features that haven’t even been announced to the next OS after Longhorn hit all the major media outlets.

    Bill: Hehe What can I say, the media must think that what I think matters.

    Steve: You OWN the damn news networks!

    Bill: Hehe. Yah. So what can I do you for..I mean… do for you?

    Steve:Bill, you still have that place on the lake?

    Bill:Oh man!! It is so cool! Oh… I’ve been meaning to invite you to one of my BBQs…

    Steve: Not to worry, Bill. No hard feelings. In fact, I want to sent something over next Tuesday.. If you’re going to be home?

    Bill: Hehe, sure. The wifie and I will probably just be sitting out by the lake watching the sunset.

    Steve: Perfect… perfect.

    Bill: I’ll let the gateman know…

    Steve: Oh. No need… In fact, just forget I said anything. Bye, Bill.

  13. The Invisible Evil Boys' Sound-Check says:





  14. The Invisible Evil Boys' Agent says:

    Ok boys, that’s sounding great!

    Moltz, thanks for getting off your lazy ass and sending the check. The royalty-collector goons will return your grandmother shortly.

    Hit it, boys!

    Oh, and Moltz: this check had better clear, or you’re going to wish you’d never heard of the iPod, know what I mean? 60 gigs, baby!

  15. The Invisible Evil Boys' Choir says:





  16. 2000guitars says:

    doesn’t hamstring sound chewy?

    just asking

  17. last and least post says:

    how can you post first when you leave in Europe? Need I wake up at 4 am to claim it?

  18. Huck says:

    Yeah, so I posted a copy of the “banned post” in the Mega-Post. If you missed it, or, um… miss it, you can check it out in all its unformatted glory. Free information and stuff! And beer!

  19. last and least post says:

    Correction. From Italy (where I am, he he) I would have to wake up at 7 for first post.

    Humm. Around eight am, 11th post.

    Still that strikes me as California-centric somehow. How can one humourless European post a meaningful post at that hour? Is that Bush’s plan to depict europeans as weasels? Moltz?

  20. Aimon says:

    Can someone post a link to the mega-post……. I can’t believe its still going. How many posts is it upto now?

  21. greenacres says:

    Gives new meaning to the song phrase ‘Muskrat Love’…

  22. Abe Lincolnlogski says:

    The Mega Post just turned ONE!!!!!! (a few days ago).

    I had to send one of those, “Sorry I missed your Birthday” cards, which are so lame. I did hear they put the cake in front of the Mega post, and it was really cute that the little guy just dug into it with it’s hands, and got frosting all over it’s face. They are so damm cute when they do that.

  23. Del says:

    The Mega-Post is over 3000 posts! The cake was quite messy, but Howard like a good dog did his best to clean it up.

  24. Homer says:

    Mmmmmm…Extreme Pudding…Aaaggghhh.

  25. UhhhDude says:

    I bought a patent watch once from Kmart. Kept great time, but only if you could read time in eleven-digit segments.

    That, and it had D’Argo’s face on it.

    (“Who’s your daddy? I am!”)

  26. Red Lantern, Dead Battery says:

    Does one feed the pudding to the killer muskrats? ’cause that would be cool.

    Also, it would be neat if the muskrats ran around on the Hot Wheels(tm) track, you know, like that old Apple 3D gerbil roller coaster demo.

    BTW, nth post.

  27. Muskrat says:

    Of course, we all know that it’s not California-centric as the governator is a pro-environment type of guy. And California is leading the way in stem-cell resaerch.

    So that’s where these killer muskrats came from. Stem cells that were meant for killer lesbian sex-bots that got spliced into the wrong critter by mistake. And so you can only imagine how those muskrats actually express their “killer” instinct. Though the lesbian part is a bit troublesome. How are to going to reproduce? Looks like we’ll have to set up a lesbian sex-bot killer muskrat factory right in downtown San Francisco. At the Presidio if George Lucas will rent out some space?

  28. Ace Deuce says:

    One of the best bad movies of all time is “The Killer Shrews.” Here comes another lawsuit.

    When I was young, my brothers and I joined the bizarre Indian Guides program (YMCA, I believe), and our family was the Muskrat Family. We were fake Native Americans. My name was Little Muskrat.

    Any lawyers out there care to represent me?

  29. PoisedNoise says:

    Hey “last and least post” – I live in the UK so I have to get up at _6_am_ to post. Well, actually 6.15 is usually when I haul ass. And I’ve made first post before, so quit your complainin’

  30. Del says:

    Ooops I forgot to include the Mega-Post location, Sorry Aimon

    Here it is.


  31. last and least post says:


    You are so right, I am complaining uselessly.


    post whenever you like, I’m still going to get some last lines – hence the pseudo – and that’s way more glorious than first post. Or eleventh!

    Prove me wrong.

    Of course, I can be proven right but that means practically no one will what I post.

    Oh well.. can’t have all, right?

  32. jinzo012 says:

    GRRRRR No Elton John. Post something semi-related to Elton John

  33. jinzo012 says:

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    Mr Anonymous 537: We, I’m… glad

    jinzo012: Apple Works

    Mr Anonymous 537: ok

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  34. Secret Cleaning Agent says:

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