19 May 05Apple Bribes News Sites.


Macintouch has noted one explanation for the dearth of rumors concerning the upcoming Worldwide Developers Conference: the company has bought the silence of many of the major news outlets. By providing items such as dual 2.5 Ghz G5s, Cinema Displays and Powerbooks to sites such as Macaddict.com and MacNN.com, Apple has ensured that they will not traffic in rumors of WWDC announcements.

This is not an unusual practice for the company.

What is unusual this time around is that Apple has similarly bought the silence of the major rumor sites.

According to sources, the rumor sites each received the following:

  • Think Secret: an old OpenDoc install CD, two Newton 120s and a paper bag full of CEO Steve Jobs’ finger nail clippings.
  • SpyMac: a Mac Portable, a set of OS 7.5 install floppy disks (missing the ColorSync and Extras disks) and a punch in the gut.
  • MacOSRumors: An Apple QuickTake 100, some stickers touting CyberDog and a pair of Apple Senior Vice President of Retail Ron Johnson’s old socks.
  • AppleInsider: a hockey puck mouse and a seductive wink from Chief Financial Officer Peter Oppenheimer.
  • MacRumors: several threats of legal action followed by a tearful phone call at 3 A.M. from an audibly drunk Nancy Heinen asking for “one last chance to make it work.”

As for this site, rest assured that we would never compromise our ability to bring you the most comprehensive coverage of Apple rumors we can.

Um…

Yeah, they didn’t offer us anything.

No Responses to “Apple Bribes News Sites.”

  1. PoisedNoise says:

    First whoo-hoo!

  2. K.S. 3.0.9.1 says:

    two

  3. Bellidancer says:

    Three TaDa

  4. K.S. 3.0.9.2 says:

    Dual 2.7 G5’s actually

  5. PoisedNoise says:

    Clearly they ddidn’t need tto bbuy your ssilence – they were sso threatening jjust anyhow that you’ve sstarted tto sstutter…. I mean, what’s a “ddearth”? 🙂

  6. Sorry CARS, maybe Apple will offer you something next time. Would sexbots seal your lips? Umm let’s not go there…

  7. Bellidancer says:

    I feel awful for CARS. Ok, fellow CARS fans, we need to help the CARS staff out with a little moral support ( and some cheap useless bling-bling.)

    I hereby pledge a programmer’s button from a SE/30 and (especIally for Masako,) a Marathon sticker from the original game.

  8. Streetrabbit says:

    I’ll throw in hidden camera footage from the 3rd floor utilities closet at One Infinite Loop.

    It verifies the floors are polished every night between 8pm and 9pm.

    Could be useful. Maybe.

  9. Ace Deuce says:

    My donation to the bribe fund is a rather large tangle of ADB cables.

    Umpteenth!

  10. Jon says:

    I’ll toss in a 40 MB hard drive for a Powerbook 100. Although I’m not sure why.

  11. Jon says:

    I call eleventh! w00t!!!

  12. 2000guitars says:

    that and 50 cents will get you a cup of coffee…

  13. scared monster says:

    13th again! Gosh, am I doomed?

  14. scared monster says:

    I offer some consideration; that is something.

  15. Gooooood. Keep it that way.

    Greasy bastid.

  16. Dr. Who says:

    Actually, Spymac got an iWalk.

  17. Steve Jobs says:

    Actually, we’re still working on CARS bribe. Once I get a good-sized ball of earwax from my left ear it will be complete.

    Just be patient.

    BIl Gates is throwing in a special install disc of Longhorn’s greatest hits.

  18. Del says:

    That’s nice that M$ is going to give CARS a blank disc.

  19. The Sponge says:

    ANAKIN KILLS PADAME

  20. Dwartz Farquhartz says:

    I won’t say a word if the icons from the old Icon Garden at One Infinite Loop are delivered to me by midnight tonight.

  21. Red Lantern, no batteries says:

    I’ve got an old Apple window sticker, and a Mac OS 8 watch for the original Mac OS 8, not the one that shipped. But it’s too small.

    On second thought, you can’t have them. Print your worst.

  22. Gary says:

    I’ll throw in the external flopy dirve from a Powerbook 100.

  23. Anonymous says:

    What the hell is a flopy dirve?

    Perhaps this is a mystery for the Spell Czech.

  24. Spell Czech. says:

    it’s a kind of external chard dizx.

    Another question?

  25. Geoff Alan says:

    hmm… Last I checked my OS 7.5 Installation came on a CD-ROM but that’s okay…

  26. Hey crazy apple rumour keepers, how is it you know of cyberdog? i didn’t think it existed outside of london/amsterdam!

  27. Oh, and i have a cyberdog sticker on my door 😛 😀

  28. Oh, and i have a cyberdog sticker on my door 😛 😀

  29. Dearth Vader says:

    SSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH…POOOOOOOHHHHHH…

    I’VE GOT A 233 WALLSTREET TO DONATE.

    SSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH…POOOOOOOHHHHHH…

    IT MATCHES MY OUTFIT WELL, DON’T YOU THINK?

    I’M RUNNING TIGER ON IT WITHOUT A HITCH…THANKS TO THE DARK SIDE…

    SSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHH…POOOOOOOHHHHHH…

  30. Psyko says:

    At least CARS wasn’t offered anything. I was offered nothing. Yeah, nothing. A nothing anything is much better than a nothing nothing any day.

    MARK

  31. scared monster says:

    I was offered a thing I refused.

    My; I’m not THAT bad.

  32. scared monster says:

    I was offered a thing I refused.

    My; I’m not THAT bad.

  33. scared monster says:

    God, I couldn’t imagine Cars would refuse the triple-post so easily!

  34. scared monster says:

    God, I couldn’t imagine Cars would refuse the triple-post so easily!

  35. scared monster says:

    Finally, I must be THAT bad…

  36. The Invisible Evil Boys' Choir says:

    BRIBES! BRIBES! BRIBES! BRIBES! BRIBES! BRIBES! BRIBES! BRIBES!

    BRIBES! BRIBES! BRIBES! BRIBES! BRIBES! BRIBES! BRIBES! BRIBES!

    BRIBES! BRIBES! BRIBES! BRIBES! BRIBES! BRIBES! BRIBES! BRIBES!

    BRIBES! BRIBES! BRIBES! BRIBES! BRIBES! BRIBES! BRIBES! BRIBES!