20 May 05Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.

Every Friday, the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site answers common help questions based on our vast experience with Apple products and our fervent belief that we know more than you do.

Q: I just upgraded to Tiger and there’s something seriously wrong with my machine.
A: Oh? What would that be?
Q: Well, it was a 1 GHz Power Mac G4.
A: And… what is it now?
Q: Well, it appears to be a Spanish exchange student named Esteban.
A: Uhhh… huh.
Q: Yeah. You can see why I’m a little baffled.
A: Well… have you tried reinstalling?
Q: Several times. And let me tell you, Esteban doesn’t like that.
A: I can imagine.
Q: I tried taking it… him… to my local Apple Store, but the Genius doesn’t speak Spanish.
A: Well, the only thing I can suggest is restoring from a backup. Do you have a backup?
Q: I did back up to a Firewire drive before installing, but… where would I put the cable in?
A: Oooh… Esteban is not going to like that either.

Q: This is really weird because I just upgraded to Tiger and now my Mac is a Swedish exchange student named Inga.
A: Hmm. What kind of machine was it?
Q: A dual 2.7 GHz Power Mac G5.
A: I see. That makes a very compelling case for upgrading your hardware.
Q: Well, it does, but I really just want my Mac back.
A: OK. Reboot Inga holding down the shift key and try a clean install. And don’t install the Swedish language pack.
Q: OK… but…
A: What?
Q: Isn’t there some way I could have both my Mac and Inga?
A: No. No. No one should have both a dual 2.7 GHz Power Mac G5 and a Swedish exchange student named Inga. That’s bullshit.
Q: OK. OK. I hear you.
A: Greedy bullshit is what that is.

Q: Well, I was going to upgrade to Tiger, but with all this hardware turning into foreign exchange students, now I’m not so sure.
A: What kind of hardware do you have?
Q: I was going to upgrade two 12-inch 1.5 GHz PowerBook G4s.
A: Hmm. Hmmmmm…
Q: Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
A: I am if you’re thinking twin Thai exchange students named Mai and Sunee.
Q: I am indeed. Now… where did I put that disk?

No Responses to “Friday Feature: Crazy Apple Help Desk.”

  1. Sembazuru says:


  2. Evil Monkey says:

    Mere second. I want my exchange twin students!

  3. mutle says:


  4. K.S. says:


  5. firepixx says:


  6. You guys are so geeky!


  7. UhhhDude says:


  8. The Sponge says:

    I installed tiger. With no language packs (cept english, of course)


    *pokes fun at the brits*

  9. uknowho says:

    Top ten wow

    I’m gonna go play the piano

  10. Ace Deuce says:


  11. Tyler says:


  12. 2000guitars says:

    12th, natch

  13. Jon says:

    I’m thinking Sarasvati is a big improvement, actually–strangely enough, all the Dashboard widgets still work fine and I’m using Safari right now while she’s reading her physics textbooks. And man, can she ever cook! But I’ve heard she’ll finish those rotis a lot quicker if I turn on Quartz 2D, but I’m not sure if it’s such a good idea with all the bugs.

  14. scared monster says:

    Hé!! Tu as pris mon treizième message!! Stupide imbécile!

  15. scared monster says:


  16. Nethead Dave, Fiend Of All That Is Nety says:

    Hi, You know I used to spend hours trawling all kinds of internet sites for all kinds of different information and at the end of the day still feel unsatisfied. Then I found CARS.

    Now it’s a one stop shop. No more Google or Yahoo pushing irrelevant sites in my face, CARS has it all, it’s swell.

    Whether it’s technology, rare and extinct marsupials or the latest trends in underwear and bedroom accoutrements, it’s all here.

    CARS is more than my home page, it’s my home.

  17. Garnack says:

    Hmmm. My 867MHz PMG4 Quicksilver turned into a hairy midget named Fred. What a disappointment. He was covered in grease too. Do you now how long it took me to catch him and hold him down so I could insert the firewire cable to restore my backup? The chase was kinda fun, but inserting the cable [shudder] I don’t want to do that again. I think I’ll wait for a 10.4.2 installer disk before I try again.

    Does anyone know how to get hair out of an internal zip drive?

  18. Streetrabbit says:

    Ever since I installed Tiger on my Powerbook, there’ve been little tiny mice ice skating on the trackpad.

    Not as good as a Nordic exchange student who likes to sleep naked but hey…still kinda strange.

  19. Anonymous says:

    holy sh!t these guys are really, really funny. and smart. and kind of sad if you scratch the surface but why would you do that? I think I’m going to go get busy with my girlfriend now, I’m so happy.

  20. scared monster says:

    moi aussi j’aime ta femme!

    (et mieux que toi!)

  21. scared monster says:

    Did I really say that?

    Is this really true?

  22. Nacente says:

    I’m waiting too, in summer I’ll upgrade to Tiger

  23. Homer says:

    MMMMMMM….Swedish exchange student…

    Oh, Marge isn’t going to like this. Quick, boy, tell your mother I’ve gone on an odessy!

  24. pucko says:

    Well I used to be an ordinary exchange student once. Then I went to a party, and I think someone put something in my drink… The morning after I woke up with a firewire cable stuck up my ass and now I’m an iMac G5 with a defective fan! Now all the fun I get to have is reading the posts about sailing that come into my owner’s RSS-reader!!! DAMN YOU CARS!!!! GAAAAHH!!!