Every Friday, the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site answers common help questions based on our vast experience with Apple products and our fervent belief that we know more than you do.
Q: I just upgraded to Tiger and there’s something seriously wrong with my machine.
A: Oh? What would that be?
Q: Well, it was a 1 GHz Power Mac G4.
A: And… what is it now?
Q: Well, it appears to be a Spanish exchange student named Esteban.
A: Uhhh… huh.
Q: Yeah. You can see why I’m a little baffled.
A: Well… have you tried reinstalling?
Q: Several times. And let me tell you, Esteban doesn’t like that.
A: I can imagine.
Q: I tried taking it… him… to my local Apple Store, but the Genius doesn’t speak Spanish.
A: Well, the only thing I can suggest is restoring from a backup. Do you have a backup?
Q: I did back up to a Firewire drive before installing, but… where would I put the cable in?
A: Oooh… Esteban is not going to like that either.
Q: This is really weird because I just upgraded to Tiger and now my Mac is a Swedish exchange student named Inga.
A: Hmm. What kind of machine was it?
Q: A dual 2.7 GHz Power Mac G5.
A: I see. That makes a very compelling case for upgrading your hardware.
Q: Well, it does, but I really just want my Mac back.
A: OK. Reboot Inga holding down the shift key and try a clean install. And don’t install the Swedish language pack.
Q: OK… but…
Q: Isn’t there some way I could have both my Mac and Inga?
A: No. No. No one should have both a dual 2.7 GHz Power Mac G5 and a Swedish exchange student named Inga. That’s bullshit.
Q: OK. OK. I hear you.
A: Greedy bullshit is what that is.
Q: Well, I was going to upgrade to Tiger, but with all this hardware turning into foreign exchange students, now I’m not so sure.
A: What kind of hardware do you have?
Q: I was going to upgrade two 12-inch 1.5 GHz PowerBook G4s.
A: Hmm. Hmmmmm…
Q: Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
A: I am if you’re thinking twin Thai exchange students named Mai and Sunee.
Q: I am indeed. Now… where did I put that disk?