22 May 05CARS Deposed!

Crazy Apple Rumors Site will not be posting this week as our entire staff has been deposed.

As you no doubt have heard, Apple is being sued by a woman claiming, among other things, that Apple discriminated against her because she was a lesbian.

The staff at CARS has been asked to provide testimony related to Apple’s deep and abiding love of lesbian ninjas, hot lesbian action and pretty much anything involving the word lesbian. While we cannot speak to the merits of the rest of the case, certainly we can prove this to be a spurious accusation.

While we’re sitting in windowless rooms under hot lights, drinking cup after cup of cold coffee and eating nothing but dry turkey sandwiches, please use the comments section to consider the following topic:

If Steve Jobs were to fight Michael Dell in Ultimate Combat, what weapon would you have to spot Dell in order to make it a fair fight?

No Responses to “CARS Deposed!”

  1. weedle says:






  2. Ace Deuce says:

    Just remember that while we are here entertaining ourselves, CARS staff is off deposing, or just posing, I’m supposing, and letting us do their jobs for no pay.

    The Entity owes us big time.

  3. Guh! says:

    An oversized dildo with erectile disfunction… and of course a couple of pills of viagra, as to blind dell later on.

  4. scared monster says:

    Ace Deuce, you’re not being paid?

    Whoops! I talk too much

  5. Still deposed then?

    Such is life in the crazy rumors world. One day you’re up…on top of your game…the next…well it’s never happened to us so I can’t really say.

    I’d like to say we at Crazy Tony Curtis Rumors Site sympathize…but we don’t.

  6. Ozi says:

    Moltzy, you run the risk of creating ANOTHER mEgáPoSt is you do not post an article soon! better look out! 😀

  7. Wanted 100th says:

    Awww man, missed it!

  8. Cardinal Chizen says:

    Nobody expects the Macromedia Acquisition!

    Amongst our weaponry are such diverse programs as Dreamcleaver, GoHide, InDenial, Macrobat, InSloppy, Gillastrator, Frodoshop, Frash, and some other stuff I can’t remember.

  9. Psyko says:

    We have been deserted. The CARS staff is leaving us.


  10. Psyko says:

    Oh yeah, as for the weapon Dell would need. I think the only way he could win is by having a gun that when aimed at somebody, Steve Jobs perhaps, would instantly teleport them to outer-space where they would instantly die.


  11. Major Tom says:

    That’s why I never remove my EVA suit.

  12. Bellidancer says:

    It is so strange to be reading comments on a story 10 days old! Especially since the posters are ON TOPIC!!!!!! This is just soooo weird!

    Psyko, NO technological device or scientific information can trump a RDF.

  13. Rambo says:

    Dell would need a lesbian ninja to distract Jobs,

    and maybe an iPod shuffle to choke him with.

    Wait, that’s two weapons. I guess Dell would

    need one of his $45 CRT monitors to throw at

    Jobs. Hmm. That would probably work.

    My fetish: Tied to a G5 PowerMac while someone

    sodomizes me with an iPod (60 GB) Also, I want

    to be seductivly licking a Powerbook and have a

    ninja whipping me with an Apple mouse.

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