06 Jun 05Apple/Intel Announcement Reaction.

Because of today’s blockbuster announcement (not coincidentally brought to you by Blockbuster) that Apple will be switching from the PowerPC to X86 chips produced by Intel, Crazy Apple Rumors Site will be providing “on the spot” reporting of the reaction by the Mac community.

At WWDC we have columnist Thor Samson and reporter Chet MacGruder. Ugluk is at a Mac user group meeting in South Bend, Indiana. Howard the talking dog is rolling in something out by the dumpster behind the CARS top-secret headquarters, and in the middle of the Mutara Nebula is the Entity.

Let’s lead off with Thor who’s on the floor of the conference working on a piece for tomorrow that will be part of a series covering every Apple conference or expo and will be called Thor On The Floor. Thor?

SAMSON: John, the mood here is one of high sexual tension. The kind of sexual tension that only programmers can exude.

MOLTZ: Really? The Intel announcement has somehow made developers… randy?

SAMSON: Yes. Particularly Randy. You see, despite the complaining, the whining, the sobbing, and the throwing themselves on the floor and kicking and pounding the floor of the Moscone Center with their fists, deep down inside these developers are eating this announcement up with a spoon.

MOLTZ: Is it because it means job security?

SAMSON: Well, yes. But also because of the passive/aggressive nature between Apple and developers. A move like this – forcing developers to change their applications so soon after the OS X migration and then requiring them to use Xcode – just goes to show that Apple likes to pull them by the hair while it’s yelling “Who’s your daddy?!” And developers love it.

MOLTZ: Well… thank you for that disturbing image, Thor. Now let’s go to Chet MacGruder who’s standing over by the ladies restroom at the Moscone Center. Chet?

MACGRUDER: John, I’m standing in front of the ladies restroom at the Moscone Center and the reaction here is one of anger. Anger, distrust and more anger.

MOLTZ: Chet, what is it exactly about the switch to Intel that has female programmers so angry?

MACGRUDER: Switch to Intel?

MOLTZ: Yes, Apple’s switch to Intel’s chipsets.

MACGRUDER: Oh. I’m sorry. I was talking about my attempts to get into the ladies room.


MACGRUDER: Yeah. Sorry. I just… I’ve just always wanted to know what goes on in there.

MOLTZ: I see.

MACGRUDER: I hear it’s really nice. There’s, like, a couch in there and stuff.

MOLTZ: Really?

MACGRUDER: Well, that’s what I hear. And then they have these little personal trash cans in every stall that no man knows the purpose of. I was hoping to get to the bottom of that.

MOLTZ: Mmm, you really don’t want to. OK, Ugluk, how are they taking it at the Mac user group?

UGLUK: People here at Mac user group confused John.

MOLTZ: Are they confused about the migration path for users to Intel?

UGLUK: No. They confused about Hypercard stack that not print from LC II.


UGLUK: They try everything, but StyleWriter no print. They also have questions about Cyberdog, OpenDoc, and something called Open Transport. Me not know what that is.

MOLTZ: I think it’s a networking protocol.

UGLUK: Uhn. Me not care. These guys pissing me off. Me going to club somebody soon if they not shut up and upgrade something.

MOLTZ: Well, while Ugluk seeks to quell some unruly System 7 users, let’s go to Howard who’s rolling in something out by the dumpster. Howard?

HOWARD: Grrrr! Rrrrrr! Rrrrrowr! Hah-hah-hah! GrrrrrrrrrrrROWR!!!

MOLTZ: Howard?


MOLTZ: Thank you for that in-depth analysis, Howard. And… uh… don’t bother coming back into the office. Just… take the rest of the day off. Now, let’s close by going to the Entity who’s in the Mutara Nebula. Entity, what’s it like there?

ENTITY: Hot. Scratchy.

MOLTZ: That’s great. Any local reaction to the Apple/Intel announcement?

ENTITY: Mmm… [looks around] No.

MOLTZ: OK! Well, there you have it. Tune in tomorrow for Thor On The Floor!

No Responses to “Apple/Intel Announcement Reaction.”

  1. Admiral Chales says:


  2. Bellidancer says:

    Hey, read my rant in the Early Edition!

  3. I, for one, welcome our new chipset overlords.

  4. Bellidancer says:

    Great in depth reporting in the CARS tradition. What other rumor site assigns 4 reporters to a single story?!?! And Ugluk can bring back some questions for the Friday Help Desk!

    (I think I know those guys. Before the MUG I belonged to dried up and blew away, we spent long meetings on the same kinds of weird out-of-date problems a couple ‘a bucks and a little common sense could completely avoid. Go ahead Ugluk, pound them until they wise up and upgrade!)


  5. His Supreme Eminence says:

    Numero cuatro and…Like this wasn’t always going to happen? Everyone knows that Apple couldn’t stay on the high horse forever. They had to come down and clean up the horses**t sometime.

  6. Six!

    Hey, that sounds like “sex!” Teehee!

  7. CTHULHU says:


  8. Ace Deuce says:


  9. The Sponge says:

    Cthulhu ain’t got nothing on this apple -> intel thing.

    Sorry little buddy.

  10. Anonymous says:

    Setting that baby up….. take it someone, TAKE IT!!!!

  11. Streetrabbit says:

    What colour will the Intel processors be?, because I can’t have anything yellow or violet in my personal computing devices, very bad Feng Shui.

    How will the chip be orientated on the mainboard?

    Will the corner with pin 1 point to the french doors in my lounge room?

  12. Anonymous says:

    There ya go, nice one Streetrabbit. And not even a claim of eleventh. Verrrry classy.

  13. Streetrabbit says:

    …is it too late to claim eleventh?

  14. PoisedNoise says:

    btw those last posts (10th and 12th) were by me. Damn new G5 (great purchase timing on my part there, eh?) seems to have forgotten my settings in the shock at the news….

  15. Streetrabbit says:

    Blank named poster. (who I now know to be PoisedNoise)

    How did I post, you read my post and I respond all in the same…let’s say second.

    Was it a vortex?

  16. Aaron says:

    The trouble with the nebula, sir, is all that static discharge and gas clouds our tactical display. Visual won’t function and shields will be useless.

  17. Small Paul says:

    Finally! Some sensible coverage.

  18. Ozi says:

    I claim this post in honour of the END OF APPLE!

    or, possibly just faster, more energy efficient processors. It really could go either way.


  19. pucko says:


  20. Anonymous says:

    Since Intel chips generate more heat, wouldn’t that make the sexbots hotter?

  21. Ace Deuce says:

    Already the Intel thing has gotten old. What I want to know about is the next version of the OS.

    But so far Leopard coverage has been spotty.

  22. UGLUK says:

    Why John always make me sound so dumb? Not like me a Neanderthal or something. Oh. Dang! Now must club something! ARRRGHHHH!!!

  23. 2000guitars says:

    I’ll have what the gentleman on the floor is having.

  24. Laurence Fischbrunne says:

    Grrrr! Rrrrrr! Rrrrrowr! Hah-hah-hah! GrrrrrrrrrrrROWR!!!

    Liberate tutame ex infernis!

  25. CTHULHU says:


    WHAT A WANKER!!!!!

  26. itsmeee says:


  27. Ithaqua says:

    Now Cthulhu and Glaarku you boys behave or else I’ll cover you in snow again. Remember last time. It took 3 weeks to unthaw all your tentacles Cthulhu.

  28. emil aka lime says:

    It’s true, Leopard coverage has been rather spotty.

    We were expecting a deluge of yellow OS journalism, but not so spotty. Where’s the beef?

  29. Billy Gates says:

    Welcome, Apple. Seriously. Welcome to the most exciting and important marketplace since the computer revolution began 59 years ago. And congratulations on your first Intel computer. Putting real computer power in the hands of the individual is already improving the way people work, think, learn, communicate, and spend view porn. Computer Porn Literacy is fast becoming as fundamentals a skillZ as reading or riting. When I invented the first personal computer operating system, Windows 1.0, I estimated that over 140,000,000,000 people worldwide could justify the purchase of it, if only they understood its licensing. Next year alone, we project that well over 1,000,000,000 will come to that understanding, or be forced into poverty by our lawyers. Over the next decade, the growth of the Wintel will continue in logarithmic leaps. We look forward to responsible competition in the massive effort to distribute this American technology to the world. (oh wait, I just blew milk out my nose…) And we appreciate the magnitude of your commitment. (HAHAHAHAH!!!!) Because what we are doing is increasing social capital by enhancing individual porn productivity. Welcome to the task. Your pal, Microsoft. (Did that sound convincing? I don’t think it was convincing enough… what do you mean it’s still on? Oh, wait. That’s it. No, it’s still on… here. Nope… echo, echo… stop that! Oh, here it is +++, ath ^M +++ , that did it!… no, it didn’t. Oh, this o

  30. Billy Gates says:

    That was someone else, CTHULHU. I’m pretending to be Billy G.

    -Your pal, GLAARKU, er Bill, BILLKU, no just Billy.

  31. Anonymous says:



    … it this why the Ayatollah story got pulled a month ago?

  32. Billy Gates says:

    Thor On The Floor!!! I can’t WAIT for that one. Great frickin’ story! I was in tears, only because Howard got the day off.

  33. Streetrabbit says:

    I did read some Leopard coverage yesterday, I think it was John Dvorak.

    He predicted headlines at Leopard time (which would also be deep in the heart of Intel time) would include things like “Leopard Changes It’s Spots”

    I can’t wait and predict 2006 will be filled with comedy from January all the way to December.

  34. Huck says:

    Hahaha! BILLKU, I think I’ll use that instead of Bill Gates from now on. It’s got that giant radioactive soul-eating bastard feel to it that just rolls off your tongue like foam does during a brisk session of shock therapy.

  35. scared monster says:

    Well, could someone explain the thing with Matematica? Not that I didn’t understand the use of it in the keynote, just I didn’t understand the use of it. And My! This guy was ugly!

    Wasn’t Miz Ho a bit nervous? Met Thor? Came from the ladies’ room? Works for Microsoft?

  36. What? Apple can’t pull this off. They will have the same problems with x86 we are. So that means Leopard will have to be stripped of all its useful features and delayed until the end of 2017. And even then, it won’t be as good as Windows 3.1. Yeah, and Steve Jobs is a communist. Did you know he actually lives in a commune for a while, the hippie commie freak.

    Now we dance…

    Woo HOo!!!! Yeah!!!!!! Woooowwwwieeee! Yeeeeehawwwww! Whubba Whubba Whubba. Eeeeoooowwwww Yahoooooooo!

    Come on people, Get with it! Microsoft rules!!! Yeaaaaaahhhhh! Hoooooooo! Woooooo Hoooooo!

    Hey, what’s wrong with this crowd?

    ****sound of crickets****

    Oh well, as long as I’m having fun…

    Yeeeeeeehhhaaaaawwwww!!!!!! Wooooooo!!!!!!

  37. Billy Gates says:

    Steve, you’re a pisser. 🙂

    Those who can, do the dance. Those who can’t… well, they kinda point and laugh at you. Anyway, Bob figured out who took a crap in your office trash can. I just sent you an email, then my system froze. Send over one of the dev-dorks to reboot me, please. My longhorn just had a stampede and took a massive system dump on my C$ dirve, oh greA+T./



    Oh crap, *IO T*HIN(K M$Y KEY&BOARD *S ME$SSING U(P AGA!IN.,.; TOO!@!!#! W!NT#LL R*UL#ESS!!!

  38. Ace Deuce says:

    I’m already burnt out on “MacTel.”

    I suggest we go with “InTosh” for awhile.


  39. Sad PC Git says:

    What about PowerPentiumMac? Or the IntelliMac? Or what about a nice PentiumBook? What could be nicer?

  40. UhhhDude says:

    This is all insanely grating.

  41. The Deep One says:

    Actually, Billy Gates, I had an Apple system with Intel inside about *10* years ago — a Performa 640! Now it can finally run OS X!

  42. Mmmmm…. the Performa 640! That was one of the sweetest Macs of all-time. Win3.1, DOS6.22, beige case of plastic and metal, the stuff they make those Dells out of now… sweet.