Because of today’s blockbuster announcement (not coincidentally brought to you by Blockbuster) that Apple will be switching from the PowerPC to X86 chips produced by Intel, Crazy Apple Rumors Site will be providing “on the spot” reporting of the reaction by the Mac community.
At WWDC we have columnist Thor Samson and reporter Chet MacGruder. Ugluk is at a Mac user group meeting in South Bend, Indiana. Howard the talking dog is rolling in something out by the dumpster behind the CARS top-secret headquarters, and in the middle of the Mutara Nebula is the Entity.
Let’s lead off with Thor who’s on the floor of the conference working on a piece for tomorrow that will be part of a series covering every Apple conference or expo and will be called Thor On The Floor. Thor?
SAMSON: John, the mood here is one of high sexual tension. The kind of sexual tension that only programmers can exude.
MOLTZ: Really? The Intel announcement has somehow made developers… randy?
SAMSON: Yes. Particularly Randy. You see, despite the complaining, the whining, the sobbing, and the throwing themselves on the floor and kicking and pounding the floor of the Moscone Center with their fists, deep down inside these developers are eating this announcement up with a spoon.
MOLTZ: Is it because it means job security?
SAMSON: Well, yes. But also because of the passive/aggressive nature between Apple and developers. A move like this – forcing developers to change their applications so soon after the OS X migration and then requiring them to use Xcode – just goes to show that Apple likes to pull them by the hair while it’s yelling “Who’s your daddy?!” And developers love it.
MOLTZ: Well… thank you for that disturbing image, Thor. Now let’s go to Chet MacGruder who’s standing over by the ladies restroom at the Moscone Center. Chet?
MACGRUDER: John, I’m standing in front of the ladies restroom at the Moscone Center and the reaction here is one of anger. Anger, distrust and more anger.
MOLTZ: Chet, what is it exactly about the switch to Intel that has female programmers so angry?
MACGRUDER: Switch to Intel?
MOLTZ: Yes, Apple’s switch to Intel’s chipsets.
MACGRUDER: Oh. I’m sorry. I was talking about my attempts to get into the ladies room.
MACGRUDER: Yeah. Sorry. I just… I’ve just always wanted to know what goes on in there.
MOLTZ: I see.
MACGRUDER: I hear it’s really nice. There’s, like, a couch in there and stuff.
MACGRUDER: Well, that’s what I hear. And then they have these little personal trash cans in every stall that no man knows the purpose of. I was hoping to get to the bottom of that.
MOLTZ: Mmm, you really don’t want to. OK, Ugluk, how are they taking it at the Mac user group?
UGLUK: People here at Mac user group confused John.
MOLTZ: Are they confused about the migration path for users to Intel?
UGLUK: No. They confused about Hypercard stack that not print from LC II.
UGLUK: They try everything, but StyleWriter no print. They also have questions about Cyberdog, OpenDoc, and something called Open Transport. Me not know what that is.
MOLTZ: I think it’s a networking protocol.
UGLUK: Uhn. Me not care. These guys pissing me off. Me going to club somebody soon if they not shut up and upgrade something.
MOLTZ: Well, while Ugluk seeks to quell some unruly System 7 users, let’s go to Howard who’s rolling in something out by the dumpster. Howard?
HOWARD: Grrrr! Rrrrrr! Rrrrrowr! Hah-hah-hah! GrrrrrrrrrrrROWR!!!
HOWARD: RRRRRRRRROWR! RRRAR-RAR-RAR! RAR-RAR-RAR!
MOLTZ: Thank you for that in-depth analysis, Howard. And… uh… don’t bother coming back into the office. Just… take the rest of the day off. Now, let’s close by going to the Entity who’s in the Mutara Nebula. Entity, what’s it like there?
ENTITY: Hot. Scratchy.
MOLTZ: That’s great. Any local reaction to the Apple/Intel announcement?
ENTITY: Mmm… [looks around] No.
MOLTZ: OK! Well, there you have it. Tune in tomorrow for Thor On The Floor!