21 Jun 05Jobs Conducts Ironic Firing.


Four months after attempting to fire someone who didn’t even work at Apple, sources indicate Apple CEO Steve Jobs conducted a successful firing today that was rich with irony.

According to those present, Jobs happened upon programmer Rick Delaney in the hallway, taking a personal call on his cell phone. For reasons that are still unclear, Delaney did not recognize Jobs and returned the mercurial CEO’s glare with an equally icy one of his own.

When Jobs snapped “Get back to work,” Delaney provided the ironic setup for Jobs’ firing by replying “You’re not the boss of me.”

Apple engineer John A. Vink noted “Ironically, Steve was the boss of him, much as he is the boss of all of us. And by that I mean all Mac users, not just Apple employees.

“And that really shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone.”

But Jobs was quick to turn Delaney’s false assumption true – just moments later he would no longer be the boss of him as he was fired.

“Of all the firings I’ve seen Steve perform over the years – and it’s been a lot – this one is certainly the most ironic,” Vink said. “Not necessarily the funniest, that one involved balloons and an otter, but definitely the most ironic.”

Indeed, even Delaney was forced to admire the ironic nature of his termination.

“It takes some of the sting out of getting fired,” Delaney said. “Not much, of course, but some.”

For his part, Jobs took it all in stride.

“Firing people is my signature move,” Jobs said “and I savor them all. So I try not to pick favorites.

“Although, while technically he was fired by the board, Gil Amelio’s termination was pretty sweet.

“Damn, I am good.”

No Responses to “Jobs Conducts Ironic Firing.”

  1. Damn! So close.

    Bah humbug.

  2. Magnanimous Wang says:

    Tree

  3. Feiler says:

    fourthest

  4. Senator K says:

    Let it be noted that all those who would oppose the Great Leader shall be punished by being stuffed into an elephant’s bum bum.

  5. Hobbs says:

    6th!

  6. Bellidancer says:

    How about some more details?

  7. Law of Eight says:

    eighty-est!

  8. Zeb says:

    Nnth damnit! error 487 my ass!

  9. Mister Ten says:

    nearly 11th

  10. mister 11 says:

    ha ha! First time ever! And also 12th. Maybe.

  11. mister 11 says:

    Ahhhhhhh… being 11th feels so good… I’d always imagined it would be GOOD, but never that it would be SO GOOD… now I see what all the fuss is about … I am illuminated… Steve Jobs could fire my ass now and I wouldn’t even feel it!

  12. PoisedNoise says:

    Is that because you’re some kind of existential being whose ass is not connected to their body, or what?

  13. PoisedNoise says:

    Anyway, I know Jobs loves firing stuff, but why your ass? I mean, is there something particularly bad that your ass has done to Jobs lately that we should know about? Is it printable?

  14. 16th says:

    I hope the phone was running a Windows Shitty 5.0 for cell phones….

  15. 16th says:

    I hope the phone was running a Windows Shitty 5.0 for cell phones….

  16. Ace Deuce says:

    Please ignore any duplicate posts.

  17. Ace Deuce says:

    Please ignore any duplicate posts.

  18. Ace Trés says:

    Please ignore any duplicate posts.

  19. The Invisible Evil Boys' Choir says:

    FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED!

    FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED!

    FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED!

    FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED!

  20. 2000guitars says:

    The last sentence COULD read “Although, while technically he was fired by the board, Gil Amelio’s termination was pretty boss.”

  21. Aimon says:

    That last comment COULD read:

    “The last sentence COULD read “Although, while technically he was fired by the board, Gil Amelio’s termination was pretty badass.””

  22. The last piece of chocolate COULD be more fatty.

  23. John C. Randolph says:

    If you think Steve’s ironic firings are interesting, you should read some of Nancy Heinen’s ironic filings. They’re the talk of the entire ninth circuit!

    -jcr

  24. Bill Gates says:

    fire me next please. I get so turned on when you fire people, please me next. I’ve been naughty prove your the boss of me.

  25. Ahnyer Keester says:

    That last sentance COULD read, “Although, while I was technically fired by the board, Gil Amelio’s pretty sweet.”

    In some horrible alternate universe where Screaming Yellow Zonkers taste like navel lint and all the shoes are left footed ones and Pepsi won the Cola War and all of George Lucas’ Star Wars prequils sucked.

    Oh. That’s getting scary.

  26. The copy editor says:

    Although, while technically he was sweetened by the fire, Gil Amelio’s termination was pretty boring.

  27. Hobbs says:

    Did you mean this “The Invisible Evil Boys’ Choir”, i.e the finger!

    FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED!

    FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED!

    FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED

    FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED!

    FIRED! FIRED! FIRED! FIRED!

  28. William Gates III says:

    Hell, I’m better.

  29. pv tracker says:

    whats up with perversion tracker??

  30. PoisedNoise says:

    If you think his ironic firings are good, you should see Jobs’ collection of iron filings. They’re amazing. Really.

  31. UhhhDude says:

    Over at Microsoft, on the other hand, they have moronic firings.

    Or they will as soon as they let Steve Ballmer go.