Apple To Release Fantasy Date With Peter Oppenheimer

According to Apple sources, the company is on the verge of releasing an exciting new offering for the online Apple Store: Fantasy Date with Peter Oppenheimer. Once a fiscal quarter, Apple Chief Financial Officer Peter Oppenheimer will take one lucky lady out for a night of fine dining and scintillating conversation.

Long a dream of Apple’s female fans, the Fantasy Date with Peter Oppenheimer has been under development for over a year. According to information received by Crazy Apple Rumors Site, Apple has been looking to secure another source of income because of concern about slipping iPod sales. After examining several options, including a line of ultra-light laptops and a tablet device, Fantasy Date with Peter Oppenheimer was considered the option with the highest revenue-generating potential.

“Because the quarterly date will be given to the highest bidder,” an Apple financial analyst said “We believe there is a high upside to this product line.

“Plus, I don’t have to do a whole bunch of channel management spreadsheets. I just suck at those.

“Yes, I have been here a while,” the analyst responded when asked. “Why?”

Apple intends to market Fantasy Date with Peter Oppenheimer based on the CFO’s raw sexuality, sense of humor, impeccable sense of style and facility with intelligent conversation.

One blurb in particular declares: “First Peter will pick you up at your home and whisk you away to a romantic dinner for two, where you’ll discuss such fascinating topics as the rules for mid-quarter depreciation and the Sarbanes-Oxley Act of 2002!”

Apple declined to comment for this story, stating it does not comment on speculation about fantasy dates with its senior executives.