30 Jun 05Apple To Release Fantasy Date With Peter Oppenheimer


According to Apple sources, the company is on the verge of releasing an exciting new offering for the online Apple Store: Fantasy Date with Peter Oppenheimer. Once a fiscal quarter, Apple Chief Financial Officer Peter Oppenheimer will take one lucky lady out for a night of fine dining and scintillating conversation.

Long a dream of Apple’s female fans, the Fantasy Date with Peter Oppenheimer has been under development for over a year. According to information received by Crazy Apple Rumors Site, Apple has been looking to secure another source of income because of concern about slipping iPod sales. After examining several options, including a line of ultra-light laptops and a tablet device, Fantasy Date with Peter Oppenheimer was considered the option with the highest revenue-generating potential.

“Because the quarterly date will be given to the highest bidder,” an Apple financial analyst said “We believe there is a high upside to this product line.

“Plus, I don’t have to do a whole bunch of channel management spreadsheets. I just suck at those.

“Yes, I have been here a while,” the analyst responded when asked. “Why?”

Apple intends to market Fantasy Date with Peter Oppenheimer based on the CFO’s raw sexuality, sense of humor, impeccable sense of style and facility with intelligent conversation.

One blurb in particular declares: “First Peter will pick you up at your home and whisk you away to a romantic dinner for two, where you’ll discuss such fascinating topics as the rules for mid-quarter depreciation and the Sarbanes-Oxley Act of 2002!”

Apple declined to comment for this story, stating it does not comment on speculation about fantasy dates with its senior executives.

No Responses to “Apple To Release Fantasy Date With Peter Oppenheimer”

  1. Ricky Romero says:

    SEXY.

  2. The Sponge says:

    IT’S A TRAP.

    The Sponge (27): Private Messages(443) | Board List | Topic List | Post New Message | Tag | Help

  3. The Sponge says:

    ………………….. __ . __…………… ________

    …………………/’`: : `\,—`.„…………(It’s a Trap!)

    …………….. ./|,-‘`¯¯`\(o)_\,—-,,,_……|/ ¯¯¯¯¯¯

    …………….. ( `\(o),,_/` ¯ : o : : 😮 `-, ……

    ……………. .\ : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : `\…..

    …………… ,/` : : : :_„„,: : : : : : : : : : : :\…

    ……………./ : : : ,/` . . ): : : : : : : : : : : :|…

    …………… \ : : 😐 . . ‘”\, : : : : : : : : : : : /…

    ……………. `\ : :\ . . . . `*-.,_ : : : : : :,-‘ ….

    ……………….\ :. `\, . . . . . . ¯”~-‘,…….

    ………………/\`:. / . . . . . . . . . . . . ‘,…………

    ………….,/’`\,`-./ . . . . . . . . . . . . . /\……….

    ………..,/’ ,- `’-, `’-, . . . . . . . . . . ,-‘´,/`\………

    ………./’ ,/· · · ·`’-,· `’~-.,,,__ ._,-‘´,-‘´ ¡ ·\…….

    ………/ /’· · · · · · ·`’~-.,,_(´ `\/´`)-‘‘´ · · \, `\……

    ……,/’’(\· · · · · · · · · , · · · · ·`\· · · · · ·`\· `\,….

    ….,/’ ·(‘\`-, · · · · · · ·/· · · · · · o’\· · · · · ·‘\/’·}…

    …/ · · |\,· ·`’~-,,,_,,-´) · · · · · · · ·`\ · · · · · ’\/|…

    ..|’ · · ·| .`’-,_ · · · · / · · · · · · · · ·o’\ · · · · · \|…

    ..|, · · · \. . . .““””´/ · · · · · · · · · · · |· · · · · ·|…

    …`;,_ · `\,. . . . . .’|· · · · · · · · · · · ·/· · · · ·,/| …

    ….|`-,`~-( . . . . . . |· · · · · · · · · ·º /· · ·,-;-/’·| …

    ….`\ :¯`’;› . ,. ., . ,|~`’~-.,,,,,,,.–~´-,~’’´,,-| ./…..

    ……\, :(_,-‘_,-‘ ,-‘’’~~~–‘~—-~’´¯¯ :,/`’´……

    …….`\, : :¯ `’’´´ : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : ,-´……….

    ………|: : : : : : : : : : : : :_,-‘ : : : : : |´…………

    ………|: : : : : : : : : : : ¡‘’´ : : : : : : : |………….

    ………|: : : : : : : : : : : | : : : : : : : : ‘|………….

    ………|: : : : : : : : : : : | : : : : :_,,,_,|………….

    ………!: : : :_,.-~’’’´¯“’~,,,.-~’´ · . · .“’-,………

    ………|`’”´´¯ . · . · . · . · .`\· . · . · . · . · |………

    ………`’~-,_ . · . · . · . ·_,/’~~~’……….

  4. Huck says:

    OMG, your message is trapped… INSIDE YOUR MESSAGE! Oh no, everybody, look out!

  5. The Sponge says:

    ………………….. __ . __…………… ________

    …………………/’`: : `\,—`.„…………(Does that make it a conundrum, Huck?!)

    …………….. ./|,-‘`¯¯`\(o)_\,—-,,,_……|/ ¯¯¯¯¯¯

    …………….. ( `\(o),,_/` ¯ : o : : 😮 `-, ……

    ……………. .\ : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : `\…..

    …………… ,/` : : : :_„„,: : : : : : : : : : : :\…

    ……………./ : : : ,/` . . ): : : : : : : : : : : :|…

    …………… \ : : 😐 . . ‘”\, : : : : : : : : : : : /…

    ……………. `\ : :\ . . . . `*-.,_ : : : : : :,-‘ ….

    ……………….\ :. `\, . . . . . . ¯”~-‘,…….

    ………………/\`:. / . . . . . . . . . . . . ‘,…………

    ………….,/’`\,`-./ . . . . . . . . . . . . . /\……….

    ………..,/’ ,- `’-, `’-, . . . . . . . . . . ,-‘´,/`\………

    ………./’ ,/· · · ·`’-,· `’~-.,,,__ ._,-‘´,-‘´ ¡ ·\…….

    ………/ /’· · · · · · ·`’~-.,,_(´ `\/´`)-‘‘´ · · \, `\……

    ……,/’’(\· · · · · · · · · , · · · · ·`\· · · · · ·`\· `\,….

    ….,/’ ·(‘\`-, · · · · · · ·/· · · · · · o’\· · · · · ·‘\/’·}…

    …/ · · |\,· ·`’~-,,,_,,-´) · · · · · · · ·`\ · · · · · ’\/|…

    ..|’ · · ·| .`’-,_ · · · · / · · · · · · · · ·o’\ · · · · · \|…

    ..|, · · · \. . . .““””´/ · · · · · · · · · · · |· · · · · ·|…

    …`;,_ · `\,. . . . . .’|· · · · · · · · · · · ·/· · · · ·,/| …

    ….|`-,`~-( . . . . . . |· · · · · · · · · ·º /· · ·,-;-/’·| …

    ….`\ :¯`’;› . ,. ., . ,|~`’~-.,,,,,,,.–~´-,~’’´,,-| ./…..

    ……\, :(_,-‘_,-‘ ,-‘’’~~~–‘~—-~’´¯¯ :,/`’´……

    …….`\, : :¯ `’’´´ : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : ,-´……….

    ………|: : : : : : : : : : : : :_,-‘ : : : : : |´…………

    ………|: : : : : : : : : : : ¡‘’´ : : : : : : : |………….

    ………|: : : : : : : : : : : | : : : : : : : : ‘|………….

    ………|: : : : : : : : : : : | : : : : :_,,,_,|………….

    ………!: : : :_,.-~’’’´¯“’~,,,.-~’´ · . · .“’-,………

    ………|`’”´´¯ . · . · . · . · .`\· . · . · . · . · |………

    ………`’~-,_ . · . · . · . ·_,/’~~~’……….

  6. Nnnz says:

    First at last.

    Oh no, took too lng to cross Atlantic.

    Just getting ready to kick chair away……

  7. The Sponge says:

    ……………………………………………………….„__…………………………………………………………………………………

    ……………………………………………..,_,-“¯”¯…..”~-„„-“¯¯”\,……………………………………………………………………

    ………………………………………..,-~”¯………./_….___…….¯¯¯”>…………………………………………………………….

    ……………………………………\,-“……..(“-..„=….”-,…….”\,…….¯¯””>………………………………………………………….

    ………………………………._,-“.„……._=./”………………..\..\.”-,………¯””-,……………………………………………………

    …………………………….,/”….”/…~”¯…….¯¯”-,,…”””))….|..|…”\,..”\…….””/………………………………………………….

    ………………………….,/”……/……„„,=”.,,,,,……………….|..|….„/”…|…,,/…./_„……………………………………………….

    …………………………/…………„-“.”….”””….__……………….”~”..,-“.,-“……..,-“………………………………………………

    ………………………../…../…../”…………..„-“…””””~-„„,,,„–~~–,……..__….<“……DUDE! YOU’RE GETTING A NOT FIRST POST!

    ………………………..|…./…../……………\. . . . . . . . . . . . . . “~-~””¯. . “\,.|…………………………………………………

    ………………………..|…………………..,/’. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . \.|…………………………………………………

    ………………………..|……………….,-“. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . \|…………………………………………………

    ………………………..|__…//……„-“. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .||…………………………………………………

    ………………………./._ .\/…….”-,. . . . . . . . .„. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .|…………………………………………………

    ………………………|./../ . \………|. . . . . . „=””””~=-„„„. . . . . . . . . . . „„„=’/………………………………………………….

    ………………………|.|.|. . . “-„…./. . . . . . . . . .__. . .”””=~”. . . . . .”=”””../………………………………………………….

    ……………………….\.\.(.(.„-“..”-/. . . . . . . . .„-“—-“~-,,,. . . . . .,-=””‘/¯,-“…………………………………………………….

    ………………………..\. . . .”-. . . . . . . . . . . “. (?). . . . . . . ./„”,(?)”‘”/……………………………………………………….

    ………………………../.\,.\,,. .„. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . \.”\,. . . |……………………………………………………….

    ………._,—,,,_____|. . .”~~”. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .|. . . .|……………………………………………………….

    …….,/”::(;;;;;;;;;;;;;;|. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,,. . . . . . . . .|. . . .\……………………………………………………….

    …..,/’::::::”~,__./¯’¯|. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _,-~””. .\,. . . . . . . .\. . ,/”………………………………………………………

    …./:::::__„„„„„_”~-,. . . . . . . . . . . .|. . .~’._____….””~-,_. . .,/. .,/”……………………………………………………….

    ,/”-~”¯;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;¯”-,_”\,.\. . . . . . . . ‘|,. . . -“”‘\,__””””~~~~,'””/. ,-“………………………………………………………….

    ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;”;.\..\. .~-,. . . . .\. . . . . .”\,¯¯¯””””„„/” .,-“,…………………………………………………………….

    .„„-~”‘/¯¯¯¯¯””~-,;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;”-„. . “~,_. . . . . . . . .\,¯¯¯¯¯,,/. .|::::”-,…………………………………………_…………….

    :::::;;|::::::::::::::::::¯”-;;;;;;;;;;”-„”-,. . . .”~,. . . . . . . .¯¯¯¯¯ . ./::::::::”-,…….,-~-,………………………,-“¯. “\…………..

    :::::;;|:::::::::::::::::::::::”-;;;;;;;;;”\;:”-,. . . . .”~-,. . . . . . . . . .,/:::::::::::::\…./ . . . \……………………/. . . ,-“……………

    ::::;;/:::::::::::::::::::::::::::”\;;;;;;;;”\;:::”-,. ______””~-/-~”::::::::::::::::::\/ . . . ./……………………|. . . ./……………..

    :::;;|:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::”\;;;;;;;;”\;:::¯¯””””~””::::::::::\;;;;:::::::::::::::;-“. . . . /……………………..|. . . .\……………..

    :::;;|::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::\;;;;;;;;;\::::::::::::::::::::::::::|;;;:::::::::::;-~” . . . . (“……………………..|. . . . .\…………….

    .~””””””””””~~–;;:::::::::::::::::\;;;;;;;;;;\”-;;::::::::::::::::::::|;;::::::::::/” . . . ,,,—-\__,,,,,,,_..,,,,,,,–_,,|. . . . . |……………

    ::::::::::::::::::::::::”-,:::::::::::::::\;;;;;;;;;;\::”\;;::::::::::::::::|;;:::::::;/” . . . .””. . . . . . . . . . ¯-Y¯¯¯. . . . . . . .|…………..

    ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::”-,::::::::::::\;;;;;;;;;;\::::\;;;:::::::::::::|;::::::;/” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .)………). . . . . . \.._………

    :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::”-,::::::::::\;;;;;;;;;;|:::::\;;;:::::::::::::::::;/” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .(.–. . . . . . . .”\,.\\…….

    :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::”\,:::::::::|;;;;;_;;;|_::::::::::::::::::::::::|’ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .)……). . . . . . . . . \..\\….

    ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::\::::::::’|;;;;;\.\;;\’\::::::::::::::::::::::::) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .(–. . . . . . . . . . . .\.\\..

    :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::\:::::::|;;;;;;;\.\;.\.\::::::::::::::::::;-” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . )……). . . . . . . . . . . .|.||.

    ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::|::::::|;;;;;;;;;\.\-//::::::;;;;;;;;;;-“. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ./–. . . . . . . . . . . ././/8

    ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::|::::::|;;;;;;;;;;”~”|||||||||||||||||-” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .,-“\…….) . . . . . . __,,,-“„//.\\

    ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::|::::::|;;;;;;;;;;|:|||||||||||||||-” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .,-“. . .”–,_____,-“”””===”””./….\\

    ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::\::::::|;;;;;;;;;|:|||||||||||-“. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . _,,–“-,. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ./……||

    :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::\:::::|;;;;;;;;;|:||||||-” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .,-“¯””””¯…………”~-, . . . . . . . . . . . . . .,-“……U

    ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::\::::|;;;;;;;;;|:”. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .,-“………………………….”~-,. . . . . . . . .,,-“………

    :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::\:::|;;;;;;~”. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,-“………………………………….””~~~””…………

    ::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::|:_|;~” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .,-“|…………………………………………………………….

    :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::_;-~” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .,-“:::|……………………………………………………………

    :::::::::::::::::::::::::::::_;-~” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ,-“|:::::|……………………………………………………………

    ::::~~”””¯¯¯”””;-“~”¯. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .,-“:::|:::::|……………………………………………………………

    ::::::::::::::::_;-“. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .,-“:::::::|:::::|……………………………………………………..

  8. The Sponge says:

    SHIT! THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE DELL DUDE

    delete that post?

    that’s what the preview button’s for

  9. Streetrabbit says:

    It’s the LELD DEUD?

    ………<<<?/^^^%…………………………………

    ………=-=0)(#!!!_______…………………

    ……..<+++*$@|||’:;……………………………

    …………()…()………………………………

  10. The Sponge says:

    …………….……………………………..„„—~~~~–„…….

    ……………………………………_„-~”¯ . . ____ . .‘\…..

    ……………………„„„—~~~~~–“ . . „–~”¯………’\ . .\…

    ……………..„-~”¯ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . ”~-„………| . .|…

    ………….„~” . . . . „-~~ . . . . . . . . . . . . . “~,…..| .,/…

    ……….,-“ . . . . „~” „-~” . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .“-,..¯……

    ……..,/’ . . . „~” .,~” . . „–~~~–„ . . . . . . . . . . . ‘\,……

    ……./ . . .,~”..,~” . . .,/’…………”-, . . . . . . . . . . ‘\……

    ……| . „~’…,-“ . . . . .|__________| . . . . . . . . . . . |…..

    ……|„/….,-“ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .|….

    ……….,/’ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . |….

    ……..,/’ . . . . . . . . . „~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~”…..

    ……./’ . . . . . . . . . . |……………..„~~~~~~~~~~~,…..

    ……/ . . . . . . . . . . . .“~„………..,/ . . . . . . . . . . ./……

    …../ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .“~~~~” . . . . . . . . . . .,/’….…

    …/ . . . ./”~, . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .,~“……..

    …| . . . .|…..”~„ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . „~”…………

    …| . . . .|………”~-„ . . . . . . . . . . . . . .„-~”……………..

    …\ . . . .\„___„„–~”¯”””~~~~~~~~””””¯¯………………….

    …..\ . . . . . . . . . „-~”¯…………………………………….

    ……””~~~~~~””¯…………………………………………..

  11. PoisedNoise says:

    Eleventh. Cut the crazy text piccy crap.

  12. PoisedNoise says:

    please.

  13. The Sponge says:

    http://vadergetsthetalk.ytmnd.com/ is all I have to say. Oh, and:

    ……\\///////////……..____________

    ……|………..\……..|““““““““““`|

    …C|…..0..0./……..|“““WANG““`|

    ……|……_|…\…….|““““““““““`|

    ……|……=….|…….|““““““““““`|

    ……|______/……..|____________|

    …..__|……|___……………|..|

    …/…|.\___/.|…..\………….|..|

    ../…/|……….|\…..\………_|..|

    ./…/.|……….|.\…..\____/–\–\-

    /…/..|……….|..\______..|___|

    \…\..|……….|………………|..|

    .\…\.|_____.|………………|_|

    ..\…\|……….|

    ….\..|……\…|

    …….|……/…|

    …….|___|__|

    ……..|…|.|…|

    ……..|_.|.|_.|

    ……..|=.|.|=.|

    ……..|~.|.|.~|

    ……..|~.|.|.~|

    ……./—-\,,_-\,,_

    ……|______)___)

  14. Carl says:

    It’s just a matter of time until goatse. Yech.

  15. The Sponge says:

    Actually, I considered goatse, but it’s too wide

    JUST KIDDING

    ………………,„………,„…………,„,„……..,„,„,„

    ………………;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

    ……………../”;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\

    ……………./:::”;;;;;;;”;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\

    …Y helo.…(::::::::::::::::::::”:::::::::””;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;’\,

    ……thar….|::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:|

    buttsecks?.|::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;|

    ……………|””~~—„::::::::””-~~–„„:::::::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;|,-“”-„

    ……………|_„-~””~-„:::::::__„„-~~-„:::~”;;;;;;;;;„-~”:„-„:|

    ……………|\__„„„(o)”:)::::::”~–„„(o)~”:~””;;;;;;(:::„-“;;;|:|

    …………..|:::::::::::::/:::::::::::::::::¯”~-„:::;;;;;;)::|;;;;;;|:|

    ………….(:::::_„„—(::::::„_::~~—„„_::::’\:::;;;;;|::);;;;;;|:|

    …………..|::::::::::::\__„-~”::::::::::::¯\::::|::;;;;|::\___/:/

    ………….|:::„-„„_____„„„„—~~–„„:::::::|::::::::::)_„—~~”

    …………..|::::)\_/(__)(__’)(_\:\_/::):::::::::::::::::/:::::)

    …………..|::::””~~—„„„„—~~””¯¯:::::::::::::::::|’:::::/

    ………….’\:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::’)::::|

    …………..)::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::/::::|

    …………/'”~–„„__:::::::::::::::::::::_„„„„—~~”¯::::/

    ………../…………¯¯¯””~—~~””¯::::::::::::::::::/

    …„„—~”………….. ………………………. ……….|””~–„„…….

    ./……..\………….. ……….\…………. …………./………\……

    |……….|………….. ………..\……………… …..|………..|……

    |…………`…… ………………|………. …………|………..|……

    `…………|…….. …………….|……………….. .\|………..|……

    .\………..|./…… ………../..\\\……….. ….–__.\.\……….\…..

    ..\……….\/………_–~~…………… ……….~–_|..\………|….

    …\………..\_-~…………………….. …………….~-_\…….|…..

    ….\_………\……. ………_.—-…_________\|………/…..

    ……\.. ……..\______//._.___._.(_(__>…… \. ……….|…….

    …….\………. ..C.___).._______.(_(___>. …..|……../…….

    ……./.\.|…… …C.____)/………….\.(____>…. .|___/……….

    ….././\|…… …..C____)……………|..(___>…./..\……………

    ….|…(…… …_C____)\________/…//._/…../…. .\………..

    …/….\….. …|__….\\__________//.(___/… ………|……….

    …|..\….\____)… …..`–…….—-‘………….. …….|……….

    …|..\_………… ……__.\…………../_…………. …._/.\………

    …|………………. ../……|………….|….\…………. …….\……

    …|………………. ./……/……………\….\………… …….`……

    …|………………. /……|………………|…..\………. …….|……

    …|…………. …../……..\___/\_____/…….|……………..|…..

    …|………………|……………|..|…………….|……………..|…..

    …|………… …..|……………|..|……………..|……………..|….

  16. Aaron says:

    You know, relatively speaking, Nigerian scam spam is looking better.

  17. Nnnz says:

    ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………/…………………..\……………………………………….

    …………………………/…………………….\…………….

    AAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!

    RSI

  18. Streetrabbit says:

    Uhmm..I’m presuming the date with Peter will end with horizontal folk dancing, it’s well known his trouser work is some of the finest in the Executive Escort business.

    My question is are men precluded from applying or will Peter accommodate males given the liberal times we live in?

  19. Del says:

    I’m sorry, but I’m holding out for Schiller. Oppenheimer is ok, but he’s no Schiller. Plus with Schiller being Canadian and all I’m sure we can spend hours talking aboot hockey and beer. I don’t see what I would have to talk about with Oppenheimer.

  20. Streetrabbit says:

    Secret’s out Del. You LUURRRVVV Schiller.

    That’s sick.

  21. Jon says:

    I think the “Fantasy Date with…” product line has potential!

    When it’s opened up for guys, I can imagine “Fantasy Data with Nancy Heinen.” Oooh!

    Apple can then broaden the product line beyond Apple Executives, to Apple Celebrities: “Fantasy Date with Jainie Porsche,” “Fantasy Date with Ellen Feiss,” ….

    Feel free to recommend your own “Fantasy Date with…” people!

  22. Nnnnz says:

    It’s soooo unfair. My posts have to travel a lot further than yours on the US mainland, so unless you wait until I’ve the first post, I’ll hold my breath until I’m dead, and then you’ll be sorry.

    Maybe you wont be sorry, so think on this.

    Our Tone is President of the European community and we host the G8 conference too. If you want to see Maria Sharapova and Georgie Doubleyew again and to prevent being peppered by cheese eating surrender monkey’s Camembert loaded Exocets, do what you know is good for you.

    Happy Independence day.

    What? But I’m a British citizen.

    Okay, I’ll come quietly, no need for violence.

    Mr. Moltz, please note new e-mail address

    nnnnz@guantanamo.gov

    and all at your expense.

  23. Happy, uh, Canada Day dude, eh?

    Peter Oppenheimer is okay, but we want someone who can appreciate a good tuc and Moosehead beer, eh?

    So, Take Off You hosehead Oppenheimer. We want Nancy to come up here and share a beer and back bacon. That’s a real fantasy date.

  24. greenacres says:

    Where’s the fantasy date with Danica Cleary???? Their product line is discriminatory…Well, if IBM is helping out with this, we will have to wait quite a while for a better date…

  25. Geddy Lee says:

    Coooroooocooocooorooorooocooocoooo!

  26. Moltz when are you gonna come and take Thor back?

    He’s been hangin’ around Tony, calling him daddy and it’s frekin’ him way out. Which is bad. Real bad.

    You don’t wanna go freakin’ Tony out.

    Just come and get ‘im OK?

    Punk ass!

  27. You’re all being very naughty with your ascii art. I shall spam thee!

    ==========================================

    | ,dP””8a “888888b, d8b “888b ,888″ |

    | 88b ” 888 d88 dPY8b 88Y8b,8888 |

    | `”Y8888a 888ad8P’dPaaY8b 88 Y88P888 |

    | a, Y88 888 dP Y8b 88 YP 888 |

    | `”8ad8P’a888a a88a;*a888aa88a a888a |

    | ;*;;;;*;;;*;;;*,, |

    | _,—”:::’;*;;;*;;;*;;*d;, |

    | .-‘ ::::::::::’;*;;*;dII; |

    | .’ ,;,::::::::::fffKKIP | |

    | “>>>>;,::::fffKKIPf ‘ |

    | \ `mYMMV?;;;;;;;\>>>>>>>>>,YIIPP”` / |

    | `. “”:;;;;;;;;;i>>>>>>>>>>>>>, ,’ |

    | `-._“”:;;;sP’`”?>>>>>=========. |

    | `—…_______…|<[Hormel | |

    | `=========’ fL|

    ==========================================

    I’m not waiting until September for Chat Like A Pirate Day. To me, that’s everyday!!!

    ARRRRRRRRGH!!!! WALK THE PLANK AND TYPE IN ALL CAPS ME HEARTIES!!!!!

  28. Oops, damn windows… hold on…

  29. How’s that?

    ==========================================

    |.,dP””8a.”888888b,..d8b…”888b..,888″..|

    |.88b…”..888..d88.dPY8b….88Y8b,8888..|

    |.`”Y8888a.888ad8P’dPaaY8b…88.Y88P888..|

    |.a,…Y88.888….dP…..Y8b.88..YP.888..|

    |.`”8ad8P’a888a..a88a;*a888aa88a…a888a.|

    |…………….;*;;;;*;;;*;;;*,,…….|

    |…….._,—”:::’;*;;;*;;;*;;*d;,…..|

    |……-‘……::::::::::’;*;;*;dII;…..|

    |….’.,;,::::::::::fffKKIP.|.|

    |.“>>>>;,::::fffKKIPf.’.|

    |..\.`mYMMV?;;;;;;;\>>>>>>>>>,YIIPP”`./..|

    |…`..””:;;;;;;;;;i>>>>>>>>>>>>>,..,’…|

    |…..`-..“”:;;;sP’`”?>>>>>=========….|

    |………`—…_______…|<[Hormel.|…|

    |……………………..`=========’.fL|

    ==========================================

  30. all my piles of ascii art, wasted on a unforgiving font…

  31. Sudo Nym says:

    > If you want to see Maria Sharapova and Georgie Doubleyew again…

    You lose.

  32. 2000guitars says:

    what a bunch of hoseheads

  33. wally wanker says:

    Hey look at all the stupit things i can post on this board.

    i’m so clever.

    i’ve never kissed a girl.

    my mommy is calling me, i have to go.

    bye

  34. Anonymous says:

    I have.

    My dad has finished dinner, I have to go.