29 Jun 05Apple Holds 10.4.2 for Fantastic New Feature.


Mac OS X Tiger 10.4.2 – which reportedly will include a number of new features, bug fixes and several highly critical security patches that would keep a user’s system from literally blowing up in their face – has been held pending completion of one item. In order to make 10.4.2 be all it can be, Apple is hell-bent on including a widget manager which, if sources can believed, will actually manage your widgets.

“Apple has done it again,” said Think Secret’s Ryan Katz. “Most users were simply satisfied to have widgets. But now to have a system that will manage your widgets…

“Unbelievable. I doff my cap to them. Kudos to you, Apple!”

Mac user Clay Weast, whose system burst into flames earlier today when a small security hole in his installation of Tiger that will be fixed in 10.4.2 was exploited by Helsinki-based hackers, tried to be enthusiastic.

“Oh,” Weast said, idly stroking the sides of his now charcoaled dual 2.7 GHz Power Mac G5. “A widget manager. I’m sure that will be nice. To… manage my widgets… and whatnot.”

At Children’s Hospital in Seattle, 8-year-old Billy Rodgers who was waiting for an experimental laser brain surgery driven by a Power Mac running Tiger was understanding of Apple’s decision.

“Dr. Samar says we need a computer update to fix my head,” little Billy said, pointing at his head, which was shaved with a big red X drawn on it.

“Because of a bug in 10.4.1, we need an OS update to fix Billy’s head,” Dr. Jhala Samar said.

“Because of a bug,” Billy emphasized, “They can’t fix my head. But I know people really want to run their widget thing.”

Dr. Samar lightly patted Billy on the head and smiled sadly.

Apple said that it expects to ship 10.4.2 sometime before Billy dies, but after it completes its widget manager.

No Responses to “Apple Holds 10.4.2 for Fantastic New Feature.”

  1. K.S. 3.0.9.9.4 says:

    yes first!

  2. Senator K says:

    Whoa, no way, 2nd!

    W00t!

  3. Evilproducer says:

    2nd

  4. Carl says:

    i spit on your grave KS.

  5. Carl says:

    Or I would, if I weren’t the third second poster.

  6. Evilproducer says:

    D’oh! Stupid dial-up!

    Youse Forking Bastiches!

  7. Carl says:

    Wow, now that I actually read the article, that was damn funny.

    So, does everyone agree then? Tiger: Cool but Buggy!

  8. appletweak says:

    octapost!

  9. BooYah! says:

    Can you say top ten. Oh yeah you can! Come on, say it! Uh huh..,

  10. PoisedNoise says:

    Clock just unexpectedly quit on me. I mean, CLOCK?? Come-on. That’s just crazy. Get the fix out please, screw the widget manager.

    Forget Billy’s head, I need my CLOCK!

    ..and who’s gonna be 11th…?

  11. K.S. 3.0.9.9.5 says:

    me

  12. Nnnnz says:

    Widget manager? At 68 a bladder manager would be better. Sorry, just off to the loo………..

  13. George Jetson says:

    Widget?!!!! How’d they come with that name? That’s total bullsheist! It’s as if no one ever heard of Spacely Sprockets. Yeah, thats right, I said SPROCKETS! Cripes, I’d even prefer callin’ ’em COGS over widgets! Hmph! Rosy, get your sexbot attachment on, I got some un-nerving to do.

  14. They got it all wrong. The new Widget Manager is Dilbert’s PHB. The delay is they have to clone more to support all the users.

  15. F!FAN says:

    Slight problems with Tiger prompts me to ask:-

    Did Apple design Michelin’s Indy Tyres (that’s a give away, bloody British spelling)?

  16. Billy says:

    Dr. Samar said he got a letter from someone at Apple. I was glad, but my mom was crying. The letter said the big red X on my head was some sort of trade fringe thing. I don’t know what that means.

    Anyway, Dr. Samar has to fix my head part way right now. He said it’s called dermabrasion. (I made him type that word – HA HA! My mom’s crying again.)

    Bye for now.

  17. 2000guitars says:

    Well, I guess we all know who REALLY needs their head fixed…

  18. David J says:

    oh that’s funny… 18th? or have I read too long?

  19. Streetrabbit says:

    I’m being chased by a panto horse called Norman.

    10.4.3 right?

  20. Garnack says:

    Let Billy DIE!!!!!!!!

  21. I believe “to manage one’s widgets” sounds like a masturbation euphemism.

    As in, Læther just spent two hours “managing his widgets” to hot lesbian ninja pr0n.

  22. no more made-up verbs! says:

    Is “charcoaled” even a word?

  23. blank says:

    Widget, widget, widget… Say it enough times and it doesn’t even sound like a word anymore. Widget, widget, widget.

    Did I ever mention how I’m totally sick of widgets?

    From now on, I’m calling them “spungfunglers.” Feel free to use the term any time. I hereby release it to the public domain, no rights reserved.

    Say it with me now: spungfunglers! Doesn’t that feel better?

  24. Usual Suspect says:

    Widgets! It never was a word. Just ask any Chartered Accountant. And Billy, maybe if they repainted the “X” blue…would that help.

  25. whatshisface says:

    Thing/thingy

    Doofunny

    Doohickey

    Doowhacky

    Geemie

    Gizmo

    Thingamabob/thingamabobber

    Whatchamacallit

    Whatchamahooey

    A thingamajig is an object whose name either temporarily escapes the memory, or whose name is not known. The word derives from the phrase “what you may call it.” Thingamajigs are typically specialized devices which have a limited number of uses or a single specific use. The term is typically employed by one whose experience with the use of the object is nonexistent or very limited. Regular users of such devices would never refer to them as thingamajigs or any of the related terms listed below.

    Items which have been or could conceivably be called thingamajigs are torque wrenches,sewing machine bobbins, nail pullers, crochet hooks, and other objects which are gender or trade specific. They are typically smaller than a breadbox.

    Thingamajig may also refer to a jig, a tool which has been created for a one-time job (a “gig”). For example, a carpenter may find it necessary to fabricate a device to stabilize a vertical pipe so he may work around it. Since the tool is temporary and unlikely to be required for any future use, it is referred to as a “thingamajig” or one of its cognates.

    A thingamajig is different from a widget, in that a widget is an actual, but not yet named or constructed, mechanical component. It is also different from a gadget, in that “gadget” is the generic term for a superfluously useful device, such as a remote garage door opener, whose name is easily remembered.

    Thingamajigs are of such a nature that they are also typically referred to by location: “The doofunny on the kitchen counter”, “the geemie beside the couch”, or “that thing on top of the fridge.” It is assumed by the listener that anything else on top of the fridge, such as the box of kleenex, the pictures of the kids, or the can of air freshener, which are more ordinary and thus more nameable than the “thing” for which one is looking, are not the requested object. Where one might request a hammer with no reference to location, one would not similarly request a doohickey.

    Even among the world of otherwise nameless things referred to as “thingamajigs”, there is a hierarchy of specificity. “Thing,” as its name implies, is universally applicable. It is likely, however, that a “gizmo” involves some minor degree of technological sophistication, connoting as it does some mechanical or electronic aspect.

    A related term, “whatshisface,” is used to refer to someone whose name is not readily recalled.

  26. III ykniw says:

    Square the jib!

  27. shanghaies says:

    Aaaaahhhhh! Me hearties. Every old salt knows that jibs b’aint square as they be rigged fore ‘n’ aft.

    We always cured brain tumours by flogging the patiant while rounding the horn and drinking loads of rum. Always worked.

    Hmmm. Gonna lash my mini (do not mock the afflicted) to the mizzen and see if the cat o’ nine tails will teach it manners. You can borrow it after I’ve finished, Dr. Jhala Samar, or a blue marker.

  28. Avast ye and ahoy, me hearty! Shiver me timbers, I’m the world’s richest pirate! I swiped the idear for Windows from ol’ Jobs and made enough woot to last me 6 lifetimes. ARRRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!!

    Quickly though, note to self:

    1) have intern send a loaded tablet PC to Children’s Hospital in Seattle, c/o Billy Rodgers

    2) get a parrot

    3) ARRRRRRRRRGH!!!! SIGN THE ONLINE PETITION, OR WALK THE PLANK ME BUCKO!!! CURSE THE BLACK SPOT, JIM!!!

  29. Hobbs for Anon says:

    WIDGET MANAGER! WIDGET MANAGER !WIDGET MANAGER! WIDGET MANAGER!

    WIDGET MANAGER! WIDGET MANAGER !WIDGET MANAGER! WIDGET MANAGER!

    WIDGET MANAGER! WIDGET MANAGER !WIDGET MANAGER! WIDGET MANAGER!

    WIDGET MANAGER! WIDGET MANAGER !WIDGET MANAGER! WIDGET MANAGER!

    WIDGET MANAGER! WIDGET MANAGER !WIDGET MANAGER! WIDGET MANAGER!

  30. wht? says:

    waz up wit perversiontracker?

  31. cacl dude says:

    i have an old 74 era aa calculator, have been unable to get tiger to install. any help appreciated.

  32. Talk Like a Pirate Day isn’t until September.

  33. shanghaies says:

    Sorry, enthusiasm got the better of me. And for typo.

  34. shanghaies says:

    Further excuse, Trafalgar, Battle of, 200th anniversary.

    Hmmmm, thinks, did Nelson have an Apple, no more likely Wintel as he might have said “Kiss me Hardy” although some say it was “Kismet Hardy”

    What is a Hardy anyway?

  35. Ahnyer Keester says:

    As a long-time apple eater I feel the need to intervene here. I will do little Timmy’s surgery…huh? Oh Billy, right. I have a degree in medicine and a nice set of power tools. Okay, so it isn’t a degree really as much as it is just a lot of experience with medicine. Like Dimatap and cough syrup. And some stuff you can’t get in the store. Did I mention the power tools? As long as the X is still in place I think we can make it in and out with no complications.

    Have Timmy’s mom…damn…BILLY’S mom stop crying and load him up on dimatap. Have her take a bunch herself, it’ll help her stop that irritating weaping. Better send a lot my way too. And the cough syrup. Three bottles should do.

    Then I’ll need some pliers and, ahhh, a set of 30-weight ball bearings. Come on Dr. Samar, it’s all ball bearings nowadays! Maybe you need a refresher course.

    Now Dr. Samar, prepare that crainum with some 3-in-1 oil and some gauze pads. And I’m gonna need about 10 quarts of antifreeze, preferably Prestone. No, no, make that Quaker State.

    Oh wait. The cough syrup is kicking in. Now Betty, don’t you feel better? Danny. Timmy. Oh yea, Billy. I know I feel better. I’m going to take a nap now.

  36. That would mean little Billy is in quite the sticky Widget.

    Nod nod, wink, wink, know what I mean, know what I mean?

    No one expects the Spanish Inquisition (until they Widgets of torture are managed anyway)!

  37. fungler says:

    Thing/thingy

    Doofunny

    Doohickey

    Doowhacky

    Geemie

    Gizmo

    Thingamabob/thingamabobber

    Whatchamacallit

    Whatchamahooey

    Spungfungler

    Spungfungler Spungfungler Spungfungler Spungfungler Spungfungler Spungfungler … say it enough times and it doesn’t even sound like a word anymore.

    Did it ever?

  38. Dr. James Dobson says:

    No spungs are going to be fungled while *I’m* Grand Inquisitor around here!