Jobs Takes On Young Disciple

According to a post on his blog, Delicious Monster and the Omni Group, has accepted a position at Apple, ostensibly working on user interfaces and icon design.

However, sources in the know indicate that Apple CEO Steve Jobs himself has personally tapped Matas with the aim of turning the 19-year-old into his disciple. Jobs believes that Matas will be Luke Skywalker to his Obi-wan Kenobi, Charlie Bucket to his Willie Wonka, or Anakin Skywalker to his Emperor Palpatine, depending on your opinion about Steve Jobs.

Enigmatic spiritual leader, eccentric genius or ruthless dictator (don’t feel the need to pick just one).

“I was Mike’s age when I started Apple,” Jobs said. “Who else would I pass my empire on to? [Apple Senior Vice President of the iPod Division] Jon Rubinstein? Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha! Ah-HA-HA-HA!


“No, but seriously, Jon does good work. Really. I mean that.”

According to some sources, Jobs himself met with Matas to seal the deal. But once the niceties had been worked out, Jobs quickly attempted to exert control over him.

“Now, my young padawan,” Jobs reportedly said to Matas. “You must kill your former master for me! Kill [Delicious Monster co-founder] Wil Shipley!

“Um… no,” Matas reportedly replied.

“KILL HIM!” Jobs reportedly insisted.

“Uh… no,” Matas reportedly said.

“Oooh… you’ve… you’ve… that makes me so… you’re really not getting started on the right foot. But never mind that! Now, which color lightsaber do you want? Blue or green? I meanÂ… there’s purple, too, butÂ… nobody’s really using purple much anymore. Most people find it kind of… you know… foo-foo.”

A devastated Delicious Monster CEO Wil Shipley attempted to appear upbeat.

“I’m excited for Mike, naturally, and I wish him the best,” Shipley said.

“Meanwhile the post-Mike Matas era for Delicious Monster will still feature the same software design that won us two Apple Design Awards. We’re hard at work on Delicious Library 2.0 and we’ve got an exciting new non-Mike product in the pipeline that I’m not at liberty to discuss right now. But let me just leave you with one word to whet your appetite: hummels.”

Shipley smiled and raised his eyebrows several times.

Hummels,” he repeated, leaning forward as if for emphasis.

Matas, meanwhile, indicated that he is looking for people to help him move.