21 Jul 05Jobs Takes On Young Disciple

According to a post on his blog, Delicious Monster and the Omni Group, has accepted a position at Apple, ostensibly working on user interfaces and icon design.

However, sources in the know indicate that Apple CEO Steve Jobs himself has personally tapped Matas with the aim of turning the 19-year-old into his disciple. Jobs believes that Matas will be Luke Skywalker to his Obi-wan Kenobi, Charlie Bucket to his Willie Wonka, or Anakin Skywalker to his Emperor Palpatine, depending on your opinion about Steve Jobs.

Enigmatic spiritual leader, eccentric genius or ruthless dictator (don’t feel the need to pick just one).

“I was Mike’s age when I started Apple,” Jobs said. “Who else would I pass my empire on to? [Apple Senior Vice President of the iPod Division] Jon Rubinstein? Ha-ha! Ha-ha! Ha! Ah-HA-HA-HA!


“No, but seriously, Jon does good work. Really. I mean that.”

According to some sources, Jobs himself met with Matas to seal the deal. But once the niceties had been worked out, Jobs quickly attempted to exert control over him.

“Now, my young padawan,” Jobs reportedly said to Matas. “You must kill your former master for me! Kill [Delicious Monster co-founder] Wil Shipley!

“Um… no,” Matas reportedly replied.

“KILL HIM!” Jobs reportedly insisted.

“Uh… no,” Matas reportedly said.

“Oooh… you’ve… you’ve… that makes me so… you’re really not getting started on the right foot. But never mind that! Now, which color lightsaber do you want? Blue or green? I mean… there’s purple, too, but… nobody’s really using purple much anymore. Most people find it kind of… you know… foo-foo.”

A devastated Delicious Monster CEO Wil Shipley attempted to appear upbeat.

“I’m excited for Mike, naturally, and I wish him the best,” Shipley said.

“Meanwhile the post-Mike Matas era for Delicious Monster will still feature the same software design that won us two Apple Design Awards. We’re hard at work on Delicious Library 2.0 and we’ve got an exciting new non-Mike product in the pipeline that I’m not at liberty to discuss right now. But let me just leave you with one word to whet your appetite: hummels.”

Shipley smiled and raised his eyebrows several times.

Hummels,” he repeated, leaning forward as if for emphasis.

Matas, meanwhile, indicated that he is looking for people to help him move.

No Responses to “Jobs Takes On Young Disciple”

  1. ScheisseGern says:

    fristage postage is mine

    buttes > u

  2. Fate says:

    Saecond, AND read the article!

  3. Bow before my Thirditude!

  4. Wysz says:

    Fourth, and I read the article! And Mike’s blog! And Drunken Blog! And I had a conversation about a compass!

    Ok, so I skimmed Drunken Blog.

  5. Nxxx says:

    Steve, who he?

    Forgot, last.

  6. Appleswitch says:

    Sixth! M?! ( game not animal )

  7. Sembazuru says:

    I can totally see this happening.

  8. 2000guitars says:

    What’s wrong with purple? Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

  9. Huck says:

    This is not the eleventh post.


  10. Anonymous says:


  11. Streetrabbit says:

    Once again CARS takes me around the world and fills my brain with useful information. Through this article I now know that good calzone can be had at Metropolitan Markets 40th Ave NE,Seattle, WA, 98115…wherever the hell that might be.

  12. Nxxx says:


    Turn off the box, or leave Lord’s and walk westwards. When eventually you come to some apparently unending wetness, swim West. You will reach land.

    This is either Ireland or America, ask.

    If it is Ireland, keep walking westwards until you come to more wetness, where again start swimming.

    When you eventually reach America, if it is South America, walk North.

    If it is North America, ascertain whether it is Canada, Alaska or contiguous USA.

    If it is contiguous USA, ask for further directions.

    Hope this proves useful.

    BTW is it pronounced Stree Trabbit or Street Rabbit or glug,glug,glug………….

  13. Pan says:

    I think it’s because he was born in the Chinese year of the Tiger and Apple are pushing into the Chinese market.

    Go on. Prove me wrong.

    # Age: 19

    # Gender: male

    # Astrological Sign: Aries

    # Zodiac Year:: Tiger

    Maybe Jobs will now only hire staff from with a birth year that corresponds with the name of the operating system. Year of the Ox – slip an “S” (OS X) in there and you’re batting. Can’t wait for the OS 10.6 “Pig” though

  14. RMR says:

    Geeze Moltz, jealous much?

  15. Post Mark says:

    “looking for people to help him move” …that is sooo Steve Jobs.

  16. Streetrabbit says:

    Thanks Nxxx but actually I’m in Sydney so I’ll dive into the Pacific and head east. If I can avoid Micronesia, Polynesia and Kneesupmotherbrownanesia I should arrive in Puget Sound around December (should be nice and icy by then which is how I like it)

    I’ll eat the calzone then head back swimming west.

    It’s Street Rabbit. Like Street Person …except I’m a rabbit. A homeless rabbit.

  17. HummelMan says:

    Sorry Wil, but the software is already done!


  18. Del says:

    Just a note, Canadian Beavers was NOT about virus software at all. Though Schiller did give a very… um… Inspirational performance.

  19. caerulea says:

    mmmmmm…. beavers

  20. iBode says:

    Heym let’s get some more comparison thingies going here.

    Like Harry Potter to Dumbledore (that’s quite sick of me)

    or Bean to Ender, or Sauron to Morgoth, etc.

  21. The Sponge says:


  22. blank says:

    Since we’re being given the option, I’m going with “eccentric spiritual dictator.”

  23. Bubba says:

    The dude is talented but good God his spelling could improve. Once he’s settled in I’ll be laying on the charm to make him my boytoy; he is a hottie 🙂

  24. Nxxx says:

    Sorry Streetrabbit, didn’t realise you were another ex. Thought you were a Brit because of the cricket references on the site. Now only the English play cricket……………disappears into nuclear shelter cowering, the wrath of an ockker is truly amazing……….you wouldn’t hit a craven old pom in glasses…..I said pom not porn

  25. Psyko says:

    This article is wrong, the empire is mine.


  26. The Invisible Evil Boys' Choir says:





  27. Psyko says:

    Oh yeah, I had forgotten about you guys.


  28. WhiteSavage says:


    As you can see, 30 is the most important number that a post can gold out of this entire dishevlment of simpletenistic desires and prefrabricated fences… much like Elvis Pressly…

    If you dont understand, E-mail me at BillyGater@Microsoft.gov

  29. WhiteSavage says:

    …I’m kidding