Virus designers and anti-virus software makers announced the extension of their accord on Intel processors running versions of Microsoft Windows to future so-called MacIntel platforms, running OS X on chips from Intel.
As has long been known, anti-virus software companies work hand-in-hand with virus designers to create a symbiotic relationship that keeps the companies in business. Virus coders are later hired by the anti-virus companies as “subject-matter experts” and receive lucrative compensation packages.
Other industries that work the same way are pop-up blocking, Satanic soul harvesting and the recording industry.
The arrangement between anti-virus software makers and virus coders has at least one industry mogul caught in its web.
“I feel helpless in their grasp,” said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, dabbing his eyes with a tissue, and sobbing slightly.
Gates was quickly reminded by an underling, however, that Microsoft had recently purchased anti-virus and anti-spyware software vendors.
“Oooh! Yay!” the Microsoft chief technologist screeched, stamping his feet and pumping his tiny fists in the air.
Apple is determined to get in on the deal Microsoft has arranged.
Apple has decided to provide virus and anti-virus developers with free Intel-based Macs and millions of dollars in funding to support their work. Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller will also create two 30-minute videos – one castigating virus makers and one praising anti-virus programmers.
And then two more doing the opposite.
Apple will offer repeated “service packs” that give users what psychiatrists describe as “learned helplessness” – locking them into a cycle of upgrading.
Mac users can look forward to spending countless hours running anti-virus software and cursing violently at their computers.