Every Friday, the staff at Crazy Apple Rumors Site answers common help questions based on our vast experience with Apple products and our fervent belief that we know more than you do.
Let’s talk about browsers.
Q: I’m a regular Safari user, but lately I’ve noticed that Firefox seems sort of… attractive…
A: So you’ve been… checking it out?
Q: Yeah, I mean, maybe not…you know checking it out…more like…you know, furtive glances now and again… I mean… I try and keep myself from staring or anything… you know… because Safari is… well…
A: Familiar. Safe.
Q: I was going to say “my longtime companion” but that’ll work, too.
A: I see.
Q: I mean… our relationship got a little rocky there when it kept me from online banking and all… but I think things have gotten better… it’s just… I think it noticed me looking at Firefox and…
A: You think Safari might be jealous.
Q: What?! No! No. I mean… I get that it’s a web browser, I just was wondering…
A: Yeah. Say that again and let it sink in… a web browser. That’s all.
Q: Totally, man. Message received. Loud and clear.
A: OK. So what’s the question?
Q: I was just wondering if you think I have the stamina to do two browsers at the same time?
A: I’m hanging up now.
Q: Oh, you always do that.
Q: I’ve been trying to pick the perfect browser, but I really just can’t decide. I’ve tried Safari, Firefox and OmniWeb, but… I’m having trouble picking one.
A: Have you tried Mozilla?
Q: Yes. And Camino.
A: And… well… IE?
A: Sorry. OK. What about Opera?
Q: Been there. Done that. And iCab.
A: Hmm. Well, what about BumperCar?
Q: That’s… that’s a browser for kids.
A: I know. Have you tried it?
Q: Well… yes. But just for the sake of completeness.
A: Kids Browser?
A: Um… Browser… uh… A-Go-Go?
Q: OK, now you’re just making them up.
A: OK, well, fine, but you’re the one who’s too picky for like a zillion browsers.
Q: [sigh] I know. I do have an RSS reader picked out though.
A: Oh, really? Which one?
Q: Um… there’s… more than one?
A: Forget it.
Q: I’m a Safari user and I like it fine it’s just that…
A: There’s a overwhelming sense of indifference it exudes. Its sleek and cold exterior is a pervasive reminder of the inevitable isolation that pervades modern society. Constantly faced with your own solitude, your browsing experience is empty. Soulless. You long for connection but find none in the harsh mistress that is Safari.
Q: Um… I was just going to say I didn’t like the brushed metal interface.
A: That’s what I said.
Q: Yeah, but you said it all poncy.