In a survey conducted by PC Magazine, Apple scored better in every single category than the computer industry average, including “Smells Nice” and a category no one was able to explain called simply “Ass.”
But while Apple did extraordinarily well in the survey, PC Magazine made a point of noting that Apple users most likely cannot be trusted to be objective because…
(waiiiiiiiit for iiiiiiiiiiiit!)
… they like their computers so much.
The company’s scores are so high there’s some concern that they can’t be completely trusted: that Apple users are so passionate Â— almost fanatic Â— about the company and its products, they’re not quite as objective as other computer owners.
Editor-in-Chief Michael J. Miller said “Clearly, the extent to which Apple customers like their computers makes them unreliable in judging how much they like their computers.”
While Dell received much lower marks, PC Magazine partly excused this because, according to the magazine, many respondents use Dell’s computers at work, where their experience is generally less satisfying.
“Many Mac users are communists,” Miller noted. “And while they’re out there on their communes near Reed or Brandeis, hopped up on goofballs and having sex with multiple partners, sure they’re going to rate their computers highly. They’re going to rate getting hit in the head with a ball peen hammer highly. That’s what junked-up commie nympho pinkos do.
“The Dell user, however, struggles mightily as a cog in the great wheel of capitalism – a mighty, and worthy struggle, but also one that puts you in contact with IT people who are, generally, reclusive trolls that prefer to sit sullenly in the dark than interact with other humans. Again, that’s a generalization.
“So, in summation, Dell users god-fearing capitalists, Mac users slutty atheistic commies.
“Um… what was the question again?”
It is worth noting, though, that the discomforts of the business environment does not explain Dell’s extremely low score on “Ass.”
While many in the Macintosh community took great umbrage at PC Magazine’s characterization of Mac users, it is undeniable that some Apple customers are indeed crazy communist whores who should not be relied upon for an opinion about the time of day, let alone which computer system has fewer viruses, is less crash-prone and doesn’t look like crap.
Like that one guy in Wyoming.
You know who I’m talking about.