Sources in the Mac hardware division indicate the company is planning a return performance of the much-loved “bake-off” feature for January’s Macworld Expo, where a Mac is set against another computer to show how much faster it is.
While previous iterations have pitted Power PC-based Macs against Intel PCs, this bake-off will ironically pit an Intel-based Mac against a Power PC-based Mac.
Long the beloved processor of those at Apple, engineers and other employees have quickly switched alliances and now openly deride the Power PC.
“The Power PC, RISC? That’s just so 1995,” said Apple engineer Darren Elkin, using a razor blade to shave a Power Computing “Let’s Kick Intel’s Ass!” sticker off his cube wall. “CISC is where it’s at. I totally see that now.”
Marketing materials for previous, um, bake-offs… bakes-off… ??? … were fortunately easy to amend.
“My intern Rob here just had to a search and replace and change ‘Power PC’ to ‘Intel’ and then vice versa,” said Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller.
“Well,” Rob the intern said, “Actually, I had to change ‘Power PC’ to a place holder, and then change ‘Intel’ to ‘Power PC’ and then change the place holder to ‘Intel’. You know, so I didn’t end up with everything being ‘Intel’.”
“Oh,” Schiller said. “Just out of curiosity, what was the place holder?”
“Um,” Rob the intern stammered uncomfortably before leaning over and whispering something in Schiller’s ear.
“Ugh,” Schiller said, wincing. “You’re gross. Get out of here… Mr… Mr. Gross… Intern Guy.”
According to sources, Apple will, of course, rig the contest in exactly the same way it was previously rigged. The entire presentation will consist of a series of thousands of hand-drawn screen shots played on each computer like a flip book.