25 Aug 05Apple Planning Bake-Off For Macworld 2006.


Sources in the Mac hardware division indicate the company is planning a return performance of the much-loved “bake-off” feature for January’s Macworld Expo, where a Mac is set against another computer to show how much faster it is.

While previous iterations have pitted Power PC-based Macs against Intel PCs, this bake-off will ironically pit an Intel-based Mac against a Power PC-based Mac.

Long the beloved processor of those at Apple, engineers and other employees have quickly switched alliances and now openly deride the Power PC.

“The Power PC, RISC? That’s just so 1995,” said Apple engineer Darren Elkin, using a razor blade to shave a Power Computing “Let’s Kick Intel’s Ass!” sticker off his cube wall. “CISC is where it’s at. I totally see that now.”

Marketing materials for previous, um, bake-offs… bakes-off… ??? … were fortunately easy to amend.

“My intern Rob here just had to a search and replace and change ‘Power PC’ to ‘Intel’ and then vice versa,” said Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller.

“Well,” Rob the intern said, “Actually, I had to change ‘Power PC’ to a place holder, and then change ‘Intel’ to ‘Power PC’ and then change the place holder to ‘Intel’. You know, so I didn’t end up with everything being ‘Intel’.”

“Oh,” Schiller said. “Just out of curiosity, what was the place holder?”

“Um,” Rob the intern stammered uncomfortably before leaning over and whispering something in Schiller’s ear.

“Ugh,” Schiller said, wincing. “You’re gross. Get out of here… Mr… Mr. Gross… Intern Guy.”

According to sources, Apple will, of course, rig the contest in exactly the same way it was previously rigged. The entire presentation will consist of a series of thousands of hand-drawn screen shots played on each computer like a flip book.

34 Responses to “Apple Planning Bake-Off For Macworld 2006.”

  1. #1 says:

    First again!

  2. iBode says:

    Hmmm….

    What are they baking… Apple Pie?

    I’m sorry, that was terrible, I’ll go to bed now…

  3. iBode says:

    Oh, and I got 2nd, now 3rd.

    Fine, I’m going.

    Nobody likes me here anyway.

  4. iBode says:

    (Last one, I promise)

    SInce no one will post on or read the last article anymore,

    ficko, can you please read the comments, and we can resolve the potato thing here?

    Ok, I’m pressing the power button on my iBook now.

    Night, meanies…

  5. My placeholder is always [[banana]]. I’ve never purposely written the phrase [[banana]], and thus my [[banana]] will never get [[banana]] with [[banana]].

  6. John Moltz says:

    But what about that stunning expose you wrote about the banana industry?

    Oh, wait a minute… that wasn’t about the banana industry at all was it?!

  7. Whoring Dervish says:

    I heard there will be a bake off with pomme de terres …pommes de terre …pomme des terre… Oh, you know… bananas.

  8. Yes, but can they bake a cherry pie?

  9. Ace Deuce says:

    Nth!

  10. Streetrabbit says:

    I think the Intel Mac will wipe the floor with the PowerPC Mac. The 64-bit G5 processor is simply far superior technology compared to any dual core hyper-threaded pentium.

    mmmm apple pie with cheese sauce….mmmmmm

  11. Spidey says:

    11th! The best one apparently.

    Go Mississippi State Bulldogs

  12. nxxx says:

    Sorry, no time to claim this post.

  13. ficko says:

    Mississippi State Bulldogs? Someone please explain what or where.

  14. Retentive says:

    Um, according to the explanation the infallible Phil Schiller gave, everything would have wound up as “PowerPC,” not “Intel.” I mean, duh. Too bad; the placeholder bit would have been vaguely funny otherwise.

  15. Phil Schiller says:

    Guys,

    Thanks for the plug, but I’m not infallible. Steve is infallible, and I’m just repeating what he says.

    Love,

    Phil

  16. greenacres says:

    Is there a point in posting after the 11th post? Anything after that point is just so…PowerPC Mac…

  17. Del the Gir says:

    Let’s bake muffins!

  18. John Moltz says:

    Retentive,

    I noticed that, too. But that’s what Phil *said* so…

    It’s not like we make these quotes up or something.

  19. Anonymous says:

    21 for 1. You’re going down.

    Oh and Good Morning Mr, Moltz, hope you had a peaceful night with angels at the foot of the bed.

    21 for 2.

  20. U. D. Mann says:

    If New York is known as the Big Apple, I think we should all start calling Boston Massachusetts the Big BM.

  21. Posted by Posted by at at says:

    Th Big BM! *chuckle*

  22. Hobbs says:

    Hilarious!

    New bake off between Os X on Intel vs Vista on PowerPC/Xbox! Os X always wins!

  23. Ace Deuce says:

    Streetrabbit, your two statements are contradictory.

    No, they’re not.

    The two statements just prior are contradictory, at least. I’m sure of that much.

    No, I’m not.

  24. Red Lantern, Dead Battery says:

    Everything statement I have ever made, or make, or will make, is a lie.

    Except that one.

    And that one.

    But not that last one.

    Are we clear, now?

  25. Martin Gardner says:

    Is one and only one of these statements true 1) your are a truth teller and 2) that is the way to the village?

  26. 2 embarrassed says:

    As this is CARS, it’s got to be the village of the damned.

  27. Schrodinger's Cat says:

    Hey, I’m still stuck in this Klein bottle (or out, I’m not sure…), and I’m getting hungry. Bake me a mouse and toss it in (or out?). Or maybe some of those Moebius chicken strips!

    And if it turns out I’m dead, well never mind.

  28. 2000guitars says:

    Maybe one day I’ll wake up and realize what day this is.

    REPOST:

    “Road Apples”

    “Horse Apples”

    “Cowpies”

    “BullPucky”

    Everyone knows that.

    Posted by 2000guitars at August 26, 2005 01:53 PM

  29. Ahnyer Keester says:

    LAST!! Too cool. Only losers are first!

  30. YOUR A LOSER says:

    But now I’m last. Who’s the loser now?

  31. Sudo Nym says:

    There can be more than one loser, you know.

    I’m a loser, and I’ve lost someone who’s dear to me.

    I’m a loser, and I’m not what I appear to be.

    Unless I appear to be a loser. Because I AM that.

  32. ohmy says:

    Hell, yeah!

    ______________________

    PowerMac – $1999

    iMac – $1299

    Mac mini – $499

    Writing your own program – priceless

  33. iBode says:

    First off, the “Schrodinger’s Cat” post was hilarious. One of the best I’ve ever seen.

    Second, ficko, you didn’t help at all.

    This is going to drag on to another post.

  34. iBode says:

    Posting on every article in still listed in my Safari RSS feed.