Apple Planning Bake-Off For Macworld 2006.

Sources in the Mac hardware division indicate the company is planning a return performance of the much-loved “bake-off” feature for January’s Macworld Expo, where a Mac is set against another computer to show how much faster it is.

While previous iterations have pitted Power PC-based Macs against Intel PCs, this bake-off will ironically pit an Intel-based Mac against a Power PC-based Mac.

Long the beloved processor of those at Apple, engineers and other employees have quickly switched alliances and now openly deride the Power PC.

“The Power PC, RISC? That’s just so 1995,” said Apple engineer Darren Elkin, using a razor blade to shave a Power Computing “Let’s Kick Intel’s Ass!” sticker off his cube wall. “CISC is where it’s at. I totally see that now.”

Marketing materials for previous, um, bake-offs… bakes-off… ??? … were fortunately easy to amend.

“My intern Rob here just had to a search and replace and change ‘Power PC’ to ‘Intel’ and then vice versa,” said Senior Vice President of Worldwide Marketing Phil Schiller.

“Well,” Rob the intern said, “Actually, I had to change ‘Power PC’ to a place holder, and then change ‘Intel’ to ‘Power PC’ and then change the place holder to ‘Intel’. You know, so I didn’t end up with everything being ‘Intel’.”

“Oh,” Schiller said. “Just out of curiosity, what was the place holder?”

“Um,” Rob the intern stammered uncomfortably before leaning over and whispering something in Schiller’s ear.

“Ugh,” Schiller said, wincing. “You’re gross. Get out of here… Mr… Mr. Gross… Intern Guy.”

According to sources, Apple will, of course, rig the contest in exactly the same way it was previously rigged. The entire presentation will consist of a series of thousands of hand-drawn screen shots played on each computer like a flip book.

34 thoughts on “Apple Planning Bake-Off For Macworld 2006.”

  1. (Last one, I promise)

    SInce no one will post on or read the last article anymore,

    ficko, can you please read the comments, and we can resolve the potato thing here?

    Ok, I’m pressing the power button on my iBook now.

    Night, meanies…

  2. But what about that stunning expose you wrote about the banana industry?

    Oh, wait a minute… that wasn’t about the banana industry at all was it?!

  3. I heard there will be a bake off with pomme de terres …pommes de terre …pomme des terre… Oh, you know… bananas.

  4. I think the Intel Mac will wipe the floor with the PowerPC Mac. The 64-bit G5 processor is simply far superior technology compared to any dual core hyper-threaded pentium.

    mmmm apple pie with cheese sauce….mmmmmm

  5. Um, according to the explanation the infallible Phil Schiller gave, everything would have wound up as “PowerPC,” not “Intel.” I mean, duh. Too bad; the placeholder bit would have been vaguely funny otherwise.

  6. Guys,

    Thanks for the plug, but I’m not infallible. Steve is infallible, and I’m just repeating what he says.



  7. Is there a point in posting after the 11th post? Anything after that point is just so…PowerPC Mac…

  8. 21 for 1. You’re going down.

    Oh and Good Morning Mr, Moltz, hope you had a peaceful night with angels at the foot of the bed.

    21 for 2.

  9. If New York is known as the Big Apple, I think we should all start calling Boston Massachusetts the Big BM.

  10. Streetrabbit, your two statements are contradictory.

    No, they’re not.

    The two statements just prior are contradictory, at least. I’m sure of that much.

    No, I’m not.

  11. Everything statement I have ever made, or make, or will make, is a lie.

    Except that one.

    And that one.

    But not that last one.

    Are we clear, now?

  12. Is one and only one of these statements true 1) your are a truth teller and 2) that is the way to the village?

  13. Hey, I’m still stuck in this Klein bottle (or out, I’m not sure…), and I’m getting hungry. Bake me a mouse and toss it in (or out?). Or maybe some of those Moebius chicken strips!

    And if it turns out I’m dead, well never mind.

  14. Maybe one day I’ll wake up and realize what day this is.


    “Road Apples”

    “Horse Apples”



    Everyone knows that.

    Posted by 2000guitars at August 26, 2005 01:53 PM

  15. There can be more than one loser, you know.

    I’m a loser, and I’ve lost someone who’s dear to me.

    I’m a loser, and I’m not what I appear to be.

    Unless I appear to be a loser. Because I AM that.

  16. Hell, yeah!


    PowerMac – $1999

    iMac – $1299

    Mac mini – $499

    Writing your own program – priceless

  17. First off, the “Schrodinger’s Cat” post was hilarious. One of the best I’ve ever seen.

    Second, ficko, you didn’t help at all.

    This is going to drag on to another post.

Comments are closed.