Crazy Apple Rumors Site’s Thor Samson was present in Paris when Steve Jobs met with members of the press and provides this transcript.
REPORTER: Steve, we hear reports the record companies are pressuring you to raise prices on iTunes songs. Can you comment on that?
JOBS: The labels make more money from selling tracks on iTunes than when they sell a CD. There are no marketing costs for them. We are competing with piracy, so it needs to be a fair price if the price goes up people will go back to piracy. If they want to raise prices they’re getting greedy.
JOBS: Yes, greedy.
REPORTER: Wow. That’s kind of mean, don’t you think?
JOBS: Not particularly. At any rate, large conglomerates don’t have feelings.
REPORTER: Ah. Like the worm.
SECOND REPORTER: Quoi?! C’est faux! Worms do so have feelings! Bwaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Ahhhh, Monsieur Slimy!!! [RUNS FROM THE ROOM, CRYING]
THIRD REPORTER: Pourquoi avez-vous dit cela? Vous savez il sensible est.
REPORTER: Um… well, anyway… I have only one more question. Are you chewing gum or something? What is that?
JOBS: No. Actually, it’s a piece of celery. You know that last bit of celery that you just can’t grind to a piece small enough to swallow?
REPORTER: Uh… n-
JOBS: I’ve had this since Thursday. Thursday! But this bitch hopped into the wrong mouth, you know what I’m saying? I’ll grind this down if it’s the last thing I do. Steve Jobs isn’t going to be beaten by a lousy piece of celery.
REPORTER: I… see.
JOBS: I got beat by a piece of rhubarb once. Mean son of a bitch. I chewed it for six months. I had a masseter muscle the size of a pot roast. I have nothing but respect for the rhubarb. Next question.
THIRD REPORTER: Steve, if you were locked in a cage with a bear and had to fight the bear and the bear was an angry bear… a scary bear… a hairy bear…
JOBS: I think I know where you’re going.
THIRD REPORTER: Yes. What weapon would you pick if you could choose any used by the Roman gladiators?
JOBS: The hasta.
THIRD REPORTER: Oh. Not the spatha?
JOBS: Is this a black bear or a brown bear?
THIRD REPORTER: Um… brown.
JOBS: Heh, well I think I’d want something with a little more range with a brown bear! [GENERAL LAUGHTER] OK, that’s it for the question portion. I’d like to close with my rendition of “I Dreamed A Dream” from Les Miserables…