20 Sep 05Event Coverage: Macworld Paris!


Crazy Apple Rumors Site’s Thor Samson was present in Paris when Steve Jobs met with members of the press and provides this transcript.


REPORTER: Steve, we hear reports the record companies are pressuring you to raise prices on iTunes songs. Can you comment on that?

JOBS: The labels make more money from selling tracks on iTunes than when they sell a CD. There are no marketing costs for them. We are competing with piracy, so it needs to be a fair price — if the price goes up people will go back to piracy. If they want to raise prices they’re getting greedy.

REPORTER: Greedy?

JOBS: Yes, greedy.

REPORTER: Wow. That’s kind of mean, don’t you think?

JOBS: Not particularly. At any rate, large conglomerates don’t have feelings.

REPORTER: Ah. Like the worm.

SECOND REPORTER: Quoi?! C’est faux! Worms do so have feelings! Bwaaaaaaaaaaa!!! Ahhhh, Monsieur Slimy!!! [RUNS FROM THE ROOM, CRYING]

THIRD REPORTER: Pourquoi avez-vous dit cela? Vous savez il sensible est.

REPORTER: Um… well, anyway… I have only one more question. Are you chewing gum or something? What is that?

JOBS: No. Actually, it’s a piece of celery. You know that last bit of celery that you just can’t grind to a piece small enough to swallow?

REPORTER: Uh… n-

JOBS: I’ve had this since Thursday. Thursday! But this bitch hopped into the wrong mouth, you know what I’m saying? I’ll grind this down if it’s the last thing I do. Steve Jobs isn’t going to be beaten by a lousy piece of celery.

REPORTER: I… see.

JOBS: I got beat by a piece of rhubarb once. Mean son of a bitch. I chewed it for six months. I had a masseter muscle the size of a pot roast. I have nothing but respect for the rhubarb. Next question.

THIRD REPORTER: Steve, if you were locked in a cage with a bear and had to fight the bear and the bear was an angry bear… a scary bear… a hairy bear…

JOBS: I think I know where you’re going.

THIRD REPORTER: Yes. What weapon would you pick if you could choose any used by the Roman gladiators?

JOBS: The hasta.

THIRD REPORTER: Oh. Not the spatha?

JOBS: Is this a black bear or a brown bear?

THIRD REPORTER: Um… brown.

JOBS: Heh, well I think I’d want something with a little more range with a brown bear! [GENERAL LAUGHTER] OK, that’s it for the question portion. I’d like to close with my rendition of “I Dreamed A Dream” from Les Miserables

ALL: Ooohhh…

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  1. iBode:

    CARS isnt’ allowed to cancel ITLAPD. Shiver me timbers! I don’t care how many evil hell gods they have on the payroll.

    Avast, me hearties! International Talk Like A Pirate Day will always live on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on!

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