21 Sep 05Nothing today

Got our “charity work” remember.

So, now that you know what we do, what’s your charity work?



No Responses to “Nothing today”

  1. katie says:

    i’m going to be a school for a teacher. and with the pennies they pay, it may as well be charity work.

  2. Carl says:

    I make my living by robbing teachers at gun point.

  3. George says:

    How does one decide to be a school?

  4. Carl says:

    To clarify:

    I don’t like robbing teacher; I’m just forced to do it by a guy with a gun. In exchange, he pays me a decent salary. Way more than teachers make, that’s for sure.

  5. Jon says:

    Damn right you do, Carl. And don’t ask for a raise again until Christmas at least.

  6. appleswitch says:

    SIXTH (around there)

  7. Tobor the Eight Man says:

    Eighth of course!

  8. YabbaDabbaDoo says:

    I hand out free puppies, dead ones, in the park on holiday long weekends. Charity begins at home, I always say…

  9. Carl says:

    Man, with all the 11th posting I do you’d think I’d get a raise, but nooo…

  10. Money?

    What is this money of which you speak?

    No one ever explains anything to me.

  11. nxxx says:

    Nxxx needs a new Cajun accordion.

    Please give generously.

    Or I’ll come round and play outside your place at night.

    In asbestos suit so iFlames won’t work.

    Pay up and give your ears a break.

  12. Jimbo says:

    I clean the sides of the road in an orange vest while a guy with a gun watches me. Then I go back to my cold cell.

  13. Oxfam says:

    You should all give your Ipods to Oxfam.

  14. Woodside Elementary says:

    I am a school. Sure the pay sucks, but hey, free chalk.

  15. London says:

    I was a school once. I hated kids, though, so I caved in on them.

  16. Gordon Charlton says:


    (The National Society For People Who Have Misunderstood The Meaning Of “Hand Axe” Twice And Are Now Suing Their Plastic Surgeon Who Doesn’t Know Left From Right.)

    They have a catchy slogan:




  17. the masticator says:

    I chew food for old people. Its hard work, particularly the broccoli, but when I see those gummy smiles, its all worth it.

  18. Tom says:

    I help the incredibly rich cope with guilt of being incredibly rich, which in return has made me incrdibly rich. But for all my richy rich richness I just rich i rich rich rich.

    21nth for anyone who cares.

  19. Ahnyer Keester says:

    My charity work will entail rubbing windshield wiper fluid on the sore feet of female Abyssinian (not the cat breed damn it) tug boat first mates while singing traditional Russian lullabies to them.

    Hey, someone’g gotta do it.

  20. Mr. Guy Who Likes Glazed Apple Donuts But Is Mistaken Of Where He's Typing says:

    Is this the Glazed Apple Donut Fun site?

    Great, I finally found it.

    Aren’t glazed apple donuts just fantasticly delish?

    Ooooh baby!

    I’m so glad I have a community in which to express my passion for glazed apple donuts!

  21. Saiko Yuden says:

    I make many involuntary charitable donations via taxes. The guys with the guns aren’t always visible to me when this happens, but I am always visible to them.

  22. I make lotions and body creams for children in third world nations with perpetual dry skin… seriously… no, I’m not kidding… They love the stuff. They slather it on…

    Fine… I make lotions and body creams for husbands/boyfriends who need to get their ladies soft and smelly… (see link “Body Cream Boy” below) That’s charity work isn’t it?

  23. Ace Deuce says:

    My charitable contribution is free advice to the downtrodden who post comments here at CARS.

    Here are my first five helpings:

    1. Put your pants back on.

    2. Buy flood insurance (except Moltz, who should buy lahar insurance)

    3. Inhale

    4. Exhale (you need both for it to work properly)

    5. Put a G5 tower in a brown paper bag and leave it on the Clement Meadmore sculpture outside the Portland Art Museum, Saturday morning 10:00 am or I promise you you’ll never see your little brother Timmy again

  24. Anonymous says:

    I collect used sunglasses and donate them to blind kids.

  25. Del says:

    I always hated Timmy thanks you can keep the little jerk.

    Oh iBode yes I am going through Mega-Post withdraw. My act of charity is to try and Save The Mega-Post or at least get a chance to save goodbye. I have no closure.

    As to betting.. I bet that I will snap 2 weeks from tomorrow.

  26. George Bush says:

    I’ll tell you what I do when I do my charitabibble giving. I sell baseball teams to cities that could do better to buy school supplies for poor kids. For a nice hefty profit – so what it if was tax money? It’s my destinoly.

    I also help Billionaires get every last penny due them by all the poor people who don’t need monitary gratificationalism. If they’d just learn to live like the slaves of the old south, every thing would be like Nirvanananana.

    Yep, them were the days, when a man could own as many people as those ships could bring, so he didn’t have to pay them wages and beneifts.

    Yep, my charitanity work is to make sure that all Americans have a chance to enhancilate the life of a billionaire and those poor millionaires who can only dream of the life of billionaires. I call it my Walmartification of America!

    That’s my constitution to the world. Caring for the wealthy is a worthy and nobibble cause in my humbe estimification.

  27. Sudo Nym says:

    My charity work consists of getting people to pay me for the work I do.

    It makes them feel good, and me — well, I’m doing the best I can, aren’t I?

  28. Mr. President, I’m am behind you 100% on that billionaire protecting crap. That’s for me! And I’m all about the Walmartification of America, hell I’ve just about Wal-Martified all of the desktop computing systems in the world, at a hefty profit I might add. America is the greatest country! Where else can a sickly, nerd dropout rip-off anyone else’s ideas and become the richest bastard in the fricking’ world, nea UNIVERSE!!!!! That’s innovationess! That’s Microsoft!

  29. Why do I suddenly have the urge to Learn GarageBand Quickly by using hours of movie-based online training some of which is available as free samples?

  30. Timmy says:

    Mmmmmuph! Ermm Awwwwww! EEeeeeer eeemm umph!

  31. Steve Jobs says:

    I will donate everything you ask for.

  32. Darth Hall says:

    I will donate my pants for homeless waifs so they have someplace to live.

    Lord Hall out.

  33. May I have the recipe for the Nano? That would make a very nice donation. 🙂 🙂

  34. Steve Jobs says:

    I will donate Bill Gates.

  35. Disgusted Col Retd says:


    In 1873 on the North West frontier, I ordered the regiment to capture all of the local inhabitants and shoot them.

    This was a charitable action as most were starving, it was a quick death and the benefited from a good Christian burial.

    Disgusted Col Retd

  36. fiko says:

    You were lucky enough to have a post from ‘gulp’ George Bush. His statement is recognisable as Tony Blair’s aims on this side of the pond. There might be a slight difficulty as we want to quit Iraq pronto following the sudden realisation that the Basrans don’t like us, bur is George aiming to introduce slavery into Iraq, or is it already there?

    BTW What’s charity?

  37. duke says:

    CARS staff is reminded that rating the opposite gender on the site “hot or not” does not represent charity work

  38. shawk says:

    Ending the third leading cause of death.

  39. the masticator says:

    I chew food for old people. Its hard work, particularly the broccoli, but when I see those gummy smiles, its all worth it.

  40. Streetrabbit says:

    Years ago I was appalled by how entertainers at children’s parties were churning out the same clown routines and endless balloon animals. The kids were bored.

    I made it my mission to give the kids something they’d remember, a party that’d be talked about on psychiatrists couches in years to come, so I founded “Exotica Party Planners” specialising in knife throwing and acts of daring involving fire and live, hungry tigers.

    The feeling of fulfilment I get when I see the look on the kiddies faces as they watch a fat and hairy man do the dance of the seven veils is overwhelming.

  41. Anonymous says:

    I think “the masticator” wins the award for most spread-out double post ever.

  42. jp says:

    “I think “the masticator” wins the award for most spread-out double post ever.”

    I didn’t realize there was a prize for that. How does it rank versus the 11th post?

  43. Ace Deuce says:

    As I’ve often said, please ignore the duplicate post.

  44. Ace Deuce says:

    As I’ve often said, please ignore the duplicate post.

  45. Fake Ace Deuce says:

    Please ignore the triplicate post.

  46. More Fake Ace Deuce says:

    Please ignore the quadruplicate post.