In a sign that the company continues to struggle with retail, Apple announced surprising plans today to open a line of stores within Apple Stores.
According to a press release, the company will set up a more total Apple experience within the Apple Stores that is more in line with its values.
“We weren’t happy with the level of customer service we were getting from these so-called ‘Mac Specialists’,” said Senior Vice President of Retail Ron Johnson. “Really, I mean I don’t know who came up with that title. And don’t get me started on ‘Genius’. Pff. Right.
“So we decided to cut out the middleman and go directly to the customer. Um… again.”
Starting in January, Apple will begin the process of constructing its stores within Apple Stores, provided negotiations with itself proceed without incident. That, strangely, is not a certainty.
“We’ve been extremely difficult with ourselves,” Johnson said. “I, personally, have been sending just about every item I review back to myself with nit-picking changes. Everything from the color of the shelves to the shoelaces on the staff’s shoes.
“I’m such an ass. I hate working with me.”
If the store within an Apple Store is not successful, the company has indicated that it may be forced to “go all recursive on its own ass” and open up a store within a store within an Apple Store.
“I don’t care how many levels down I have to go,” said CEO Steve Jobs. “I’m going to get it just right.”