Apple reported record revenue and earnings today for its fiscal fourth quarter ending September 30th. Mac sales soared by 48 percent and iPod sales grew by 220 percent year over year.
Despite the astounding results, Apple again disappointed Wall Street analysts who had high expectations for iPod sales.
“Sadly, Apple did not sell nine billion kajillion iPods as I predicted they would,” said Javier Perone, an analyst at Deutsche Bank.
When Perone issued his prediction that the company would sell nine billion kajillion iPods in the fourth quarter back in August, analysts at Morgan Stanley believed it to be timid.
“Our target was nine billion kajillion plus infinity,” said Neil Savino, an analyst at the firm.
“Sadly, Apple has underperformed again.”
Among the other predictions Wall Street analysts had for Apple’s fourth quarter:
- The iPod “halo effect” would go into overdrive, with each iPod purchase resulting in the purchase of 17 Macs and, for some reason, another iPod, creating a recursive purchasing cycle.
- Steve Jobs would find a tree that produces magical apples which he would eat, turning himself into a golden god, 100 feet tall and with power over all the elements.
- Apple competitor Michael Dell would poop his pants at an industry trade show and subsequently be shunned throughout the technology industry and referred to henceforth only as Mr. Poopy Pants. All Dell computers would have to be re-branded as “Poopy Pants”, resulting in a catastrophic drop in market share as who wants to own a computer called the Poopy Pants Dimension?
“And yet, none of these came to pass,” Savino noted, holding up the palms of both hands and feigning sadness by sticking out his lower lip.
“I hate to give Apple a rating of ‘Underperform’…” Savino said, hovering a rubber stamp marked ‘Underperform’ over Apple’s report.
Before stamping it firmly.
“So sad…” Savino said, shaking his head and doing that annoying thing with his lip again.