Apple Releases Video-Capable iPod – More Coming.

As predicted and then unpredicted and then re-predicted by the rumor sites, Apple today announced a video-capable iPod and the ability to download video content from the iTunes Music Store.

What has gone unreported to date, however, is Apple’s ultimate strategy for providing content for its new store and hardware. While the company has temporarily partnered with ABC and Disney (as well as Pixar), Crazy Apple Rumors Site has learned that Apple has ultimate designs on creating the content itself, turning the company into a giant entertainment monopoly.

CARS has learned the flagship show the company will build its new empire around is, from all appearances, a sure-fire winner.

Combining the tawdry sensuality of Desperate Housewives, the action of 24 and the hipness of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy, Apple will present:

Lesbian Ninja Sexbot Theatre.

Do not adjust your television sets, it’s:

Lesbian Ninja Sexbot Theatre.

While few in the company even yet know about Lesbian Ninja Sexbot Theatre, a secret group has begun pre-production for filming in 2006.

According to a source familiar with the project, it will leverage the following:

  • Apple’s reputation for producing a quality product.
  • The ongoing buzz around the potential that the company will produce robots that people can have sex with.
  • America’s love affair with lesbians.
  • The fact that ninjas are boss.

Also, Apple is reportedly determined to not have any sassy youngster characters because people can’t stand them.

While the thought of watching an action/adventure show featuring lesbian ninja sexbots on a 2.5 inch display may not seem worthwhile, customers would do well to remind themselves that they are getting to watch an action/adventure show featuring lesbian ninja sexbots on something, and they really can’t afford to be so picky.

More on this exciting new Apple project as details are semi-confirmed.

29 thoughts on “Apple Releases Video-Capable iPod – More Coming.”

  1. Everyone,

    I’m not sure that Lesbian Ninja Sexbot Theatre will look cool enough except in Apple White. And will we have to shave bald spots into our heads to watch and look cool. Will Apple add cataract correction software to the package.

  2. Ah poopy pants, I can NOT type in the dark…plplplplpl




    that are latex clad and small in stature

  3. The Ridley Scott TV ad for the Poopy Pants Dimension is now available for download from iTunes. It outperformed the original Mac ad by never being shown on broadcast television. Top that, Apple!

  4. I’m so excited. The thought of watching video on a handheld device has got me all…well you know that feeling you get just before you pooh your….uhm…yes excited, I’m so excited I’m going to rush out and buy a PSP.



    Don’t be deceived, whatever anyone tells you size matters.

    I’m getting myself 4.3 inches of goodness baby!


  5. Actually iBode you are going to be in the film. Led was cast a Lesbian Ninja Sexbot #3 months ago. It’s not a big roll, but it’s a strong supporting character.

    From what I’ve read of the script iBode you are going to have a *very* good time in Led’s scenes. I mean front row seat!

  6. “that are latex clad and small in stature” – Zeb

    You mean Spandex clad, spandex is quieter and more deadly.

    Lesbian Ninja Sexbot in spandex, ya baby!

  7. I have it on good authority that the real title of the show is:

    “Lesbian Ninja Sexbot Theatre 5000”

    (that’s 2000 better, you know).

    Please make a note of it. Thank you.

  8. How about, in addition to no sassy youngsters, we add no pets to the list? Cuz they can be annoying, too.

    Unless, of course, the LNSs need them to, um, advance the plot.

  9. Can I just say that Dr. McNinja rocks!?! I mean what’s NOT to love about a comic that has a ninja, projectile vomiting, a giant lumber jack, a gorilla AND ghosts?

    BTW, is Judy available? She’s hot.

  10. Now, now… if the sassy young character were a hot girl, and the episode centered around her sassy, defiant attitude being crushed and broken under the stiletto boot heels and electric whips of the sexbots, well, I’d download *that* for a dollar… ninety-nine.

  11. No way I’m I puttin’ down my cold cash for a LNS – I might be talked into a Bi Ninja Sexbot though.

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