10 Oct 05Apple Event To Be A Dud.

After early hype about the potential that a video iPod would be revealed at Wednesday’s special event, Crazy Apple Rumors Site has now confirmed that it will be a dud.

According to sources responsible for arranging the event, the announcements will consist of the following:

  • A pink Madonna iPod
  • nano socks

Across the Macintosh community, a great wailing was heard as all expectations were shattered.

“This blows!” said a previously excited Walt Mossberg of the Wall Street Journal.

“I want my video iPod,” Mossberg intoned, clenching his fists and gritting his teeth. “I want my video iPod!

Infoworld magazine columnist Tom Yager sat with his head in his hands, pouting, and kicked idly at nothing with one shoe.

Asked if he was disappointed that Apple was not going to announce new Power Macs, Yager refused to look up and would only shrug slightly.

Asked if he was disappointed that Apple was not going to announce new PowerBooks, he said “I dunno.”

Asked if he wanted some cocoa with little marshmallows, Yager nodded his head.

Apple, meanwhile, has continued to attempt to create buzz around this non-event. At a recent pre-event meeting, a member of Apple’s PR department spent 45 minutes doing nothing but winking at members of the press.

45 Responses to “Apple Event To Be A Dud.”

  1. Ricky Romero says:

    Worst post.

  2. fred says:

    this is john moltz’s second post

  3. John Moltz says:


    Right Said Fred?

    I don’t think so.

  4. nxxx says:

    Nano socks and a Madonna iPod. Steve should send his product planning team to the UN. World peace at last. You can’t fight when you are asleep.

  5. Jay says:

    I want a knitted nano sock

  6. YabbaDabbaDoo says:

    I wanna knitted Madonna

  7. billybob says:

    if there’s no video, why don’t the prices go down. Apple no longer has a great lead, they have the best mp3 player (for my mac at least) but if I had to buy now the deals on others are too great. At least reduce the prices on a simple, black and white mp3 only player and have the video gizmos at a higher price.

  8. Picker of Nits says:

    First time in the top ten.

    Ohhh, it feels so good.

  9. Ace Deuce says:

    We’re so not John Moltz.


  10. Huh? says:

    So, that’s the sound I heard. It had some gnashing of teeth in there as well, though.

    My pants sit there winking at me right now. They wish they were part of a PR department.

    It’s actually a bit unsettling.

    The PR part- not the winking.


  11. OverclockedLemon says:

    Aaaah, a serious comment! Away, serious person, away!

    Uh, some number.

    Or something.

    I want some cocoa with marshmallows.

  12. Is it possible to post as Moltz?

    [Answer: Only temporarily.]

  13. Psyko says:

    billybob, stop thinking. You are going to hurt yourself.


  14. OverclockedLemon says:

    Oh, go fig, that WAS 11. Heh…

  15. starwxrwx says:

    ahh u just made my day

  16. And I think this was the best post CARS staff have done, if I do say so myself.

    [Which I didn’t.]

  17. Asset says:

    Socks suck

  18. Asset says:

    Post sucks.

  19. BURLEYlizHURLY says:

    45 minutes…?

    Winks of mass destruction I reckon…

  20. Switcher says:

    (booming voice on)

    Don’t laugh, mortals.

    This is what will effectively happen.


    (booming voice off)

  21. Hobbs says:

    Truth can be stranger than fiction — or it can be


  22. Commenters using multiple handles is one thing we don’t tolerate at CTCRS.

    It’s currraazeeee!!?! in the true sense of the word. How do you keep your books in order? What do you do at tax time?

    You’re treading on thin ice Moltz!

    Lousy punk.

  23. Del says:

    I am John Moltz. Really I am, at least that is what it says on my Drivers License. Though the picture doesn’t look anything like me. Stupid DMV with their Stupid low quality cameras.

  24. 2ubesock Shakur says:

    Not to bore anyone, but –

    The folks at my local Apple retail thingy email me all the time (known many of them for years), not about Apple stuff, but just email me back about whatever’s on my mind (anti-gravity boots, volunteers to mop the mirrored ceiling – whatever). This includes email prior to product releases. Generally they are in the dark, though (think Shuffle, Mac Mini), but if something’s in stock prior to announcement (last G5 upgrades, Tiger) they know about it and have played with it. Mind you, though, they DON’T email me about products or with rumors. Just personal chit-chat. Management knows and has been fine with this.

    That said, in the past few days, SPECIFICALLY since the press release for Wednesday’s deali-o went out, I have received a COMPLETE BLACKOUT! Of the eight friends I have working there who reliably email me daily, not one has done so, or even picked up the phone when I’ve called them at home.

    So – bigger announcement than we anticipated? Cancer returns and is unannounced but retirement is? (“Family, personal reasons,” something like that.) Or something unexpected and too large to ship to stores the same day as the announcement?

    Or maybe everyone’s been absorbed by the Being..!

    Sapristi Muchos!

  25. Dexter Span says:

    Madonna in spandex nano socks !?!?

  26. burleyLIZhurley says:

    Just coz Madge suddenly announces she’s putting her stuff on ITMS after everyone else, SDJ does the prodigal son thing and makes an iPod in her image?


    What about me? Imagine the THATiPod, held togther by nothing more than a safety pin. And I’ll put all my songs on it, and a picture of Hugh’s tattoo.

  27. Dexter Span says:

    Elizabeth Hurley in Nano Spandex …………

    http://www.samizdata.net/ blog/photos2.html

    (bottom of page)

  28. Gerber says:

    You guys really know how to Gay your site up

  29. iBode says:

    Hey, after exposing ficko and nxxx to have used the same email address, I’ve noticed something else!

    The Colonel uses the SAME EMAIL!

    So, Moltz and wa.jones@btinternet.com are probably the only ones who post here.

  30. Marvin says:


    We are not Gaying it up mmmmmm.

  31. Francisco says:

    I can not wait for the pink ipod to come out. I think it looks cute.

  32. No Really says:

    I love you, John Moltz, in a manly tap-on-the-shoulder and benign-nod-of-the-head kind of way.

  33. Ace Deuce says:

    The amateur detectives among us are wasting their time. There is no way for us to be truly certain of our own identities anymore, let alone the identities of others.

    I’m scared.

  34. Gordon Charlton says:

    I can confidently state that I am either Gordon Charlton or someone else with the same name.

  35. Gordon Charlton says:

    And so am I.

  36. Gordon Charlton says:

    And so is my wife.

  37. Abe Lincolnlogski says:

    Now I really confused because I’m not sure who I am and because ATAT is back on line. This must be the end times. Isn’t that one of the signs of the apocalypse.

  38. Kick ASSS!!! With an extra S, Jack is back! Not that CARS has not done it’s share of pulling the rumor load, for that we thank ye, CARS.

    Personally, I like to give two knowing winks to the press, followed by a slight nod, then a quick nudge-nudge, and follow that up with a “know what I mean? know what I mean?”

    Waaaaaaaaaa, is your OS a goer? Know what I mean?

  39. John Moltz says:

    What?! AtAT is back?! I thought I crushed them!

    Here, let’s see…


    Look! Right here in my date book – July 7th, 2005: “Crushed AtAT today. All going according to master plan. Must create army of killer robots tomorrow.”

    This isn’t good. The whole plan could unravel. And then I’d never get that free waffle iron.

  40. The Invisible Evil Boys' PR Agency says:





  41. Del says:

    I would also like to note that the AT-AT’s are also back! Everyone prepare for an incursion of Imperial ground forces.

    Remember the legs are the week points and your iFlames are useless against the armor.

    Come on humans and furry humanoids we need to take these guys out or else CARS is doomed.

  42. Gir says:

    i’m gonna sing the doom song!

    Doom doom doom doom doom Doom DOOM doom doom doom doom doom Doom doom doom DOOM doom doom doom Doom Doombe ba Doom Doombe ba Doom doom doom doom da doom doom doom doom Doom Dooo DOOM doom da doom da doom Doomba ba Doom doom doom

  43. Ahnyer Keester says:

    I don’t know. Madonna knitted me some socks and they didn’t fit right. The heal was an odd shape. And they were pink which doesn’t go with ANYTHING I own.

    And the sequins hurt. They chaffed my ankles.

    Someone needs to talk to Steve. I think this is a bad idea.

    [I really AM John Moltz but I don’t want anyone to know. So don’t say anything about it.]

  44. iBode says:

    What? No congratulations about unmasking the Colonel?

    I feel under-appreciated.

    I’m like the guy who gets killed in the back of Luke’s snowspeeder when we’re attacking the AT-AT’s.

    No one cares about me. No one likes me.

    Because I’m John Moltz (OOHH!).