19 Oct 05Apple Upgrades Power Macs, PowerBooks, Eats A Cheese Sammich.


As predicted, Apple updated the Power Mac and PowerBook lines today, adding dual-core processors to the Power Mac and new displays to the PowerBooks. On the software front, the company released Aperture, a professional production tool for photographers.

After the announcements, the company then ate a nice cheese sammich.

According to sources, it appeared to be cheddar cheese on white with butter and yellow mustard which the company pulled out of a brown paper bag with “Apple” written on it in black magic marker.

The company then washed it back with some Hi-C.

Industry reaction to the sammich consumption was mixed.

“I was particularly disturbed by the company’s – or its mother’s – decision to cut the sammich at a right angle down the center,” said the New York Times’ David Pogue. “A diagonal cut is clearly superior as you can get a more substantial bite on the pointy corners.

“Furthermore, orange Hi-C? Pff, well… I guess that’s fine for a momma’s boy…”

But certain Apple partners were envious of the company’s cheese sammich.

“That was one fine lookin’ sammich,” said Oracle’s Larry Ellison, smacking his lips. “I could go for a sammich like that. Mmm. All… cheesy…”

Sources close to the company said it was saving its Yankee Doodles for a possible trade for some Devil Dogs with Adobe.

33 Responses to “Apple Upgrades Power Macs, PowerBooks, Eats A Cheese Sammich.”

  1. Poopy says:

    I poopied my pansties

  2. Nxxx says:

    Poor reporting and editing, Moltz.

    Did the ‘sammich’ have the crusts cut off.

    What type of white bread?

    Was it really Cheddar from Somerset or was it a foreign or British copy?

    Was there a ‘sammich’ container around the ‘sammich’ inside the paper bag?

    Was it all a rumour?

    Did the company suffer indigestion?

  3. Stridey says:

    Hello?…elo…lo…lo…lo…o

    Strange, there didn’t seem to be anybody about. He sheathed his vorpal blade and continued on to the fifth tower.

  4. kiki says:

    Cheese with pickles? Not the gherkiny pickels. The chutney-like pickles, that come in a jar and you can spread and stuff.

  5. the yonatr0n! says:

    Ugh, why you gotta go makin’ me want a sandwich at this time o’ night? Jerks.

    Especially since all the bread that’s left around here is the ass-ends..

  6. croikle says:

    7!

    Indeed, those who spread pickles without performing the mystic rite of Ineorth will be mightily spread upon the face of this Earth.

  7. jp says:

    Thanks onatr0n!, now I want a cheese sammich on ass-ends.

  8. Lost Lizard says:

    10th! I’m so happy!

  9. Sudo Nym says:

    After the introduction of Aperture, I don’t think Adobe’s going to want to trade anything with Apple.

  10. Step says:

    weeeelllll, if no one’s gonna claim it –

    elevenses!

  11. Step says:

    Appropriately, vorpal blades tend to go snicker-snack. Though I’m not sure how Spiderman and the Fellowship have anything to do with …. anything, really.

  12. wallace says:

    I prefer a nice Wensleydale cheese! Don’t you Gromit?

  13. one man and his mac says:

    cheese? just cheese? that’s it? i think that kinda sums up apple’s attitude to macs these days.

    see, i’m sure if it had been an ipod event, they would have been cheese and *marmite* sandwiches. ahh marmite ….

    woohoo! 15th!

  14. Huh? says:

    My pants are confused, as they prefer peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

    With crust.

    Wrapped in foil or Saran Wrap™- not a sandwich holder.

    And potato chips(crisps) on the side.

    moo

  15. Spell Czech says:

    IT’S “SANDWICH”! “SANDWICH”!

    GAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

    (I don’t even know why I bother sometimes…)

    Oh yeah. It’s supposed to be “its mother.” No apostrophes on plurals, please….

  16. Bubbabobobbill says:

    Yeah, seriously what’s a sammich??

    You crazy Americans and your made up words…:)

  17. burlyLIZhurley says:

    Cheese? Cheese? Cheese?

    There’s no cheese allowed in Sammiches or anyfink, Steve is a vegan and never touches cows udders or their lactate.

    Perhaps it was Tofutti?

  18. Ahnyer Keester says:

    Not many people saw that Poopy Pants Dell was hiding at the back of the crowd. The company slunked away while everyone’s attention was fixed on Apple, recently voted “Best Smile” by the other technology companies.

    Dell ambled to its locker and grabbed a battered Andy Capp lunch box that was held closed with piece of duct tape. Sitting alone on a bench in the playground across from the swingset, Dell pulled out a bologna sandwich on whole wheat, dry, a Little Debbie Swiss Roll and a lukewarm 8oz carton of non-fat milk.

    Poopy Pants Dell ate alone. Again. And no one noticed. Again. All the others were talking about Apple. Again.

    “Shum day!” Poopy Pants said, a little too loud, as it wiped Swiss Roll crumbs off the James T. Kirk t-shirt stretched across its ample gut. “Shum day it’ll be my turn.”

  19. Del says:

    I love pickles on Faux Cheese sammiches. They are really good, but doesn’t anyone else think that this article goes beyond cheese. Do you remember when CARS reported about Apple’s Cheese storage system?

    I think that this was a power-play of some sort. Apple had some important goods on that piece of cheese and they were openly flaunting destroying it to the industry. Now the only speculation is what was stored on that cheese?

  20. Ace Deuce says:

    Sorry, I’m a purist.

    Cheddar-style cheese on wheat; no spreads or condiments, preferably toasted or grilled. Slicing optional. White (Niagara) grape juice. Warner Brothers cartoons, perhaps Foghorn Leghorn.

  21. madogdidit says:

    Cheese with butter and mustard? Who eats that? Really disgusting

  22. Cheese with butter and mustard sounds like a recipe for enduced vomiting and David Pogue is so full of the crap. “A diagonal cut is clearly superior as you can get a more substantial bite on the pointy corners.”

    Fiddlesticks, I say!!! You can clearly get more sammich surface area into your mouth with the sammich cut from a right-angle. By the time you got that same surface area in your mouth with the pointy sammich it would be poking you in the throat. I don’t like the sound of that. David sounds like a loose cannon.

    I had a sammich last night, having not even yet having read this article, yet. It was sliced honey turkey breast on super soft sliced sour dough. I did not halve the sammich.

    And finally:

    “what was stored on that cheese?” – Del

    It’s the plans to a new armored space station even more powerful than the first dreaded Death Star. Many Bothans died to bring us this cheese.

  23. CTHULHU says:

    LONG AGO, I GAVE SOME PUNY MORTAL A “BLACK MAGIC” MARKER! IT WAS FILLED WITH AN INK OF UNSPEAKABLE HORROR!! THE AFOREMENTIONED PUNY MORTAL WAS UTTERLY CONSUMED IN THE PROCESS!!!

    IT WAS TASTY!!!!!

  24. Sudo Nym says:

    Those Bothans die at the drop of a hat.

    But then, they don’t value life the way that WE do.

  25. iBode says:

    How about some peanut butter and honey with a couple cartons of milk?

    And then, if you push the menu button on your Apple Remote, the honey fades away into strawberry jam.

  26. Krabappel's son says:

    Do you think Apple could really use a brown paper bag, seriously????

  27. Krabappel's son says:

    I mean, Apple has a nice aluminum lunch box with his name engraved. His mother told me!

  28. These are some great examples of food to computing hardware advances:

    strawberry jam displays

    wireless pudding

    cheese-based storage systems

    Funyun fiber channel

    Other food-computing innovations that are coming up in the software field; subroutine sammiches, the Fritos Compiler, rootbeer floating point operations, the Little Debbie Toolbox (for native access to the Little Debbie networking snack and graphics library snack hooks) and fondue arrays.

  29. John C. Randolph says:

    I’ve seen Apple’s lunchbox, and it’s actually mirror-polished stainless steel. It’s very nice.

    -jcr

  30. quiksilver says:

    I bet it was Tillamook Cheddar Cheese on the cheese sammich. Hmm… now I’m hungry for a cheese sammich.

  31. iGottaBetterMacThanYou says:

    I’ve got the quad-processor Na NaNa Na Naa Naa.

    hummmm dum de dum quadruple g5…

    Bow Down Lest The Power Consume You (In A Sandwich With Cheddar And Home-Made Pickle)